Charlie and the Chocolate Factory quotes

View Quote Every drop of the river is hot melted chocolate of the finest quality. The waterfall is most important. It mixes the chocolate. Makes it light and frothy. By the way, no other factory in the world mixes its chocolate by waterfall, my dear children. And you can take that to the bank.

View Quote Willy Wonka: Oh thank Heaven, he's completly unharmed.
Mr. Teavee: Unharmed!? What are you talking about!?
Mike Teavee: Just put me back in the other way!
Willy Wonka: There is no other way, it's teleVISION not telePHONE, there's quite a difference.
Mr. Teavee: Then what exactly do you propose to do about it?
Willy Wonka: I don't know, but young men are extremely springy, they stretch like mad... [gasps] Let's go put him in the taffy puller!
Mr. Teavee: [horrified] Taffy puller!?
Willy Wonka: Hey! That was my idea! Boy, is he gonna be skinny.

View Quote Mr. Teavee: Is it just me, or does Mr. Wonka seem a few quarters short of a buck?
Mr. Salt: I'm sorry, I don't speak American.

View Quote Violet: Mr. Wonka, I'm Violet Beauregarde. [Chews her gum]

View Quote Mr. Salt: [asking about the squirrels taking Veruca] Where are they taking her?
Willy Wonka: Where all the other bad nuts go. Down the garbage chute.
Mr. Salt: Where does the chute go!?
Willy Wonka: To the incinerator. But don't worry, we only light it on Tuesdays.
Mike Teavee: Today IS Tuesday.
Willy Wonka: Well, there's always a chance they decided not to light it today...

View Quote Willy Wonka: [Getting his shoes shined by Charlie, with a paper in his face] Pity about that chocolate maker-- Wedle... um... Walter...
Charlie Bucket: Willy Wonka.
Willy Wonka: That's the one. Says here that his candies aren't selling very well. But I suppose he's just a rotten egg who deserves it.
Charlie Bucket: Yep.
Willy Wonka': Oh, really. Ever met him?
Charlie Bucket: I did once. I thought he was great at first. But then he didn't turn out so nice. He also has a funny haircut.
Willy Wonka: [Throws his paper down] I do not!
Charlie Bucket: Why are you here?
Willy Wonka: I don't feel so hot. What makes you feel better when you feel terrible?
Charlie Bucket: My family. What have you got against my family?
Willy Wonka: It's not just your family, it's the whole idea of... [balks] You know they're always telling you what to do, what not to do. It's not condusive to a creative atmosphere.
Charlie Bucket: Usually, they're just trying to protect you, because they love you. If you don't believe me, you should ask.
Willy Wonka: Ask who? My father? Ha! No way. At least, not by myself...
Charlie Bucket: Do you want me to go with you?
Willy Wonka: Hey! Hey what a great idea! Yeah! [jumps up] And you know what? I brought a transporta-- [bangs into the glass elevator] I have to watch where I park this thing.

View Quote Veruca Salt: Daddy! I want a flying glass elevator!
Mr. Salt: [sternly] Veruca, the only thing you're going to get today is a bath, and that's final!
Veruca Salt: [looks at her father angrily] But I WANT it!
[Her father looks angrily back at Veruca]

View Quote Wonka: I don't care. Because then I wouldn't be a champion, I'd be a loser like you. [Chomps on a candy apple]

View Quote Prince Pondicherry: [about his chocolate palace] It is perfect in every way.
Willy Wonka: Yeah, but it won't last long. You better start eating right now.
Prince Pondicherry: Oh, nonsense! I will not eat my palace. I intend to live in it.

View Quote Willy Wonka: [about the three-course-dinner chewing gum] I've tried it on like twenty Oompa-Loompas and each one ended up as a blueberry. It's just weird!
Mrs. Beauregarde: [after Violet has turned into a blueberry] But, I can't have a blueberry for a daughter. How is she supposed to compete?
Veruca Salt: You could put her in a county fair.
[Mrs. Beauregarde looks at Veruca viciously]

View Quote Veruca Salt: Let's be friends.
Violet Beauregarde: Best friends.
[both turn away, obviously hating each other]

View Quote Dr. Wilbur Wonka: Caramels. They get stuck in your braces, wouldn't they? Lollipops. What we call "caivities on a stick"! And all this... all this... chocolate! You know, just last week, I was reading in a very important medical journal that some children are allergic to chocolate... makes their noses itch.
Little Willy Wonka: Maybe I'm not allergic. I could try a piece.
Dr. Wilbur Wonka: Really? But why take a chance? [burns the candy his son brought home]

View Quote Mike Teavee: All you had to do was check the manufacturing dates, offset by weather and separate by the Nekei index. A **** could figure it out.
Mr. Teavee: Most of the time, I don't know what he's talking about. Kids today with all the technology...
Mike Teavee: [To his video game] DIE!! DIE!! DIE!!!!
Mr. Teavee: ... It doesn't seem like they stay kids very long.

View Quote I love grapes! ~ To Charlie, after his fellow grandmother and grandfathers all say "he did" in turn.

View Quote Lollipops. Ought to be called 'cavities on a stick'!