Bull Durham

Bull Durham quotes

38 total quotes (ID: 107)

Annie Savoy
Crash Davis
Ebby Calvin "Nuke" LaLoosh
Larry


You just got lesson number one: don't think; it can only hurt the ball club.


I believe in the soul, the ****, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.

The rose goes in the front, big guy.

I'm the player to be named later.

A good friend of mine used to say, "This is a very simple game. You throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains." Think about that for a while.

Ebby: [After he has challenged Crash to a fight] I don't hit no man first.
Crash Davis: All right, then... [throws him a baseball] ...hit me in the chest with that.
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: I'd kill you!
Crash Davis: Yeah? From what I hear, you couldn't hit water if you fell out of a ****ing boat. [the crowd that has gathered gawks] Come on; right here, right in the chest.
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: No way!
Crash Davis: C'mon, Meat! Throw it! You know you're not gonna hit me, cause you've already started to think about it, eh? Thinkin' about how embarassing it would be to miss in front of all these people, how somebody might laugh? Come on, 'rook, show us that million-dollar arm. 'Cause I got; oh yeah, I got a good idea about that five-cent head of yours.
[LaLoosh throws the ball and misses Crash by several feet, breaking a window]
Crash Davis: Ball four.
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: Who the hell are you, man?!
[LaLoosh charges at Crash, who drops him with one punch to the face]
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: Good punch...
Crash Davis: I'm Crash Davis; I'm your new catcher, and you just got lesson number one; Don't think. You can only hurt the ball club.

Annie: Millie, you've got to stay out of the clubhouse. It'll just get everybody in trouble.
Millie: I got lured.
Annie: You didn't get "lured". Women never get lured. They're too strong and powerful for that. Now say it -- "I didn't get lured and I will take responsibility for my actions".
Millie: I didn't get lured and I will take responsibility for my actions.
Annie: That's better.
[...]
Annie: Well let's get down to it, honey -- how was he?
Millie: Well, he ****s like he pitches. Sorta all over the place

Annie Savoy: Listen, sweetheart, you shouldn't listen to what a woman says when she's in the throes of passion. They say the darndest things.
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: Yeah, you said "Crash"!
Annie Savoy: Honey, would you rather I were making love to him using your name, or making love to you using his name?

Crash: [to himself, in the batter's box] You ain't getting that cheese by me, meat. Look for the fastball up. He's gotta come with the cheese. Relax. Relax. Quick bat. Pop the clubhead. Open the hips. Relax. You're thinking too much. Get outta your ****in' head, Crash.
[Pitcher starts his windup.]
Crash: Get on top of the ball. Quick bat. Don't let him in your kitchen --
[Swings and misses, offstride. Strike one. Crash steps out of the box and picks up dirt. Rubs it on his hands.]
Crash: You stupid ****, Crash. What're you swinging at a breaking ball for? Why's he starting me off with a hammer? **** me. You're okay. Stay back. Stay back, you dumb ****. Wait. Wait.
[Pitcher's next delivery. Crash lines drive down the first base line. Just foul.]
Crash: Throw that shit again, meat. Throw that weak ass shit. Now he's gotta try to slip the cheese by me. One and one. You're on top. Now bring me the gas --
[Pitcher's third delivery, right at Crash's head. Crash hits the dirt]
Crash: This son of a bitch throws hard. [pause] Annie, Annie, Annie -- who is this Annie? [catching himself] Jesus, get outta the box you idiot, where's your head? Get the broad outta your head!
Crash: [holds up a hand to the ump.] Time out.
Ump: Time out!
[Crash steps out of the box and motions to the bat boy for the pine tar rag. The boy brings it over. Crash re-applies it to his bat.]
Bat Boy: Get a hit, Crash.
Crash: Shut up.
[Crash walks back into the box]
Crash: [to himself] Awright, awright. You've seen all his pitches. One and two. Relax. Wait. Quick bat. You can hit this shit -- Shorten up. Bring the gas... Be quick -- be quick -- yeah, yeah...
[Crash swings and misses. Strike three.]

Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: The other day Crash called a woman's pu... pussy... um, well, you know how the hair is kind of in a V-shape?
Annie Savoy: Yes, I do.
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: Well, he called it the Bermuda Triangle. He said that a man could get lost in there and never be heard from again.

Skip: You guys. You lollygag the ball around the infield. You lollygag your way down to first. You lollygag in and out of the dugout. You know what that makes you? Larry!
Larry: Lollygaggers!
Skip: Lollygaggers. What's our record, boy?
Larry: Eight and sixteen.
Skip: 8-16! How the hell did we ever win eight?
Larry: It's a miracle.
Skip: It's a miracle!

[Opening narration] I believe in the Church of Baseball. I've tried all the major religions, and most of the minor ones. I've worshipped Buddha, Allah, Brahma, Vishnu, Siva, trees, mushrooms, and Isadora Duncan. I know things. For instance, there are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary and there are 108 stitches in a baseball. When I heard that, I gave Jesus a chance. But it just didn't work out between us. The Lord laid too much guilt on me. I prefer metaphysics to theology. You see, there's no guilt in baseball, and it's never boring... which makes it like sex. There's never been a ballplayer slept with me who didn't have the best year of his career. Making love is like hitting a baseball: you just gotta relax and concentrate. Besides, I'd never sleep with a player hitting under .250... not unless he had a lot of RBIs and was a great glove man up the middle. You see, there's a certain amount of life wisdom I give these boys. I can expand their minds. Sometimes when I've got a ballplayer alone, I'll just read Emily Dickinson or Walt Whitman to him, and the guys are so sweet, they always stay and listen. 'Course, a guy'll listen to anything if he thinks it's foreplay. I make them feel confident, and they make me feel safe, and pretty. 'Course, what I give them lasts a lifetime; what they give me lasts 142 games. Sometimes it seems like a bad trade. But bad trades are part of baseball - now who can forget Frank Robinson for Milt Pappas, for God's sake? It's a long season and you gotta trust. I've tried 'em all, I really have, and the only church that truly feeds the soul, day in, day out, is the Church of Baseball.

The world is made for people who aren't cursed with self-awareness.

[narrating] Baseball may be a religion full of magic, cosmic truth, and the fundamental ontological riddles of our time, but it's also a job.

[narrating, last line] Walt Whitman once said, "I see great things in baseball. It's our game, the American game. It will repair our losses and be a blessing to us." You could look it up.