Bull Durham quotes

View Quote Your shower shoes have fungus on them. You'll never make it to the bigs with fungus on your shower shoes. Think classy, you'll be classy. Win 20 in the show, you can let the fungus grow back and the press'll think you're colorful. Until you win 20 in the show, however, it only means you are a slob.

View Quote Yeah, I was in the show. I was in the show for 21 days once - the 21 greatest days of my life. You know, you never handle your luggage in the show, somebody else carries your bags. It was great. You hit white balls for batting practice, the ballparks are like cathedrals, the hotels all have room service, and the women all have long legs and brains.

View Quote Having a conversation with you is like a Martian talking to a Fungo.

View Quote Never **** with a winning streak.

View Quote I give you a gift, you're gonna stand here and show up my pitcher? Run, dummy!

View Quote Sears sucks, Crash. Boy, I once worked there. Sold Lady Kenmores. Nasty, whoa, nasty.

View Quote Well if anyone would know you were pulling your hips out early it'd be Annie.

View Quote Crash Davis: You don't want a ballplayer; you want a stable pony.
Skip: Nah.
Crash Davis: Well, my triple-A contract gets bought out so I can hold some flavor-of-the-month's dick in the bus leagues, is that it? Well, **** this ****ing game!
[pause]
Crash Davis: You know what? I quit, all right? I ****ing quit.
[Crash exits the office, stops and swears to himself disgustedly, and sticks his head back through the door]
Crash Davis: Who we play tomorrow?
Skip: Winston-Salem. Batting practice at 11:30.

View Quote Skip: Ebby?! [Ebby and Millie are half dressed in the locker room. Millie ducks behind a locker.] Jesus. Game starts in four minutes! Why ain't you warm?!
Ebby: I am warm.
Skip: I'm fining you a hundred dollars. Jesus, Ebby, this is your professional debut tonight -- you know how many guys out there'd give blood to be in your shoes an' you're leavin' your fastball in the locker room for some piece of ass!
Millie: Skip, It's me! I'm not some quote piece of ass unquote.
Skip: Oh, Millie, jeez, sorry -- I didn't recognize ya. Don't take it personal but if I catch you in here again you're banned from the ballpark.
Millie: You can't ban me from the ballpark 'cause Daddy donated the scoreboard and if you banned me he might take the scoreboard away.
Skip: Whatta we need a scoreboard for? We haven't scored any runs all year. [to Ebby] Get your ass out there.
Ebby: Hey Boss, I got a question.
Skip: [exasperated] What?!
Ebby: You think I need a nickname? I think I need a nickname. The great ones have nicknames -- somethin' like Oil Can or Catfish...[to Millie] What was the one you suggested?
Millie: "Pokey"
Ebby: Yeah, what do you think of "Pokey"?
Skip: [stares for a second] Ya got three minutes! [storms out]
Ebby: Got time for another quickie?
Millie: Jesus, you got a game to pitch!
Ebby: But we got three minutes.

View Quote Joe Reardon: He walked 18.
Larry: New league record!
Joe Reardon: Struck out 18.
Larry: Another new league record! In addition he hit the sportswriter, the public address announcer, the bull mascot twice...
[Joe laughs]
Larry: Also new league records! But, Joe, this guy's got some serious shit.

View Quote Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: Ooh, I've heard of stuff like this.
Annie Savoy: Yeah? Have you heard of Walt Whitman?
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: No. Who's he play for?

View Quote Bulls player: Jesus, Ebby! You look like shit!
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: Nuke! Call me "Nuke"! Annie says it's my new nickname.
Larry: You're hooked up with Annie?! That's great, that's great! Every guy I've ever seen hook up with her has had the best year of his career! So, is she, ehhhhhhh, you know... as good as they say?
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: What? No, no, man, we didn't ****. No, she kept me up all night reading poetry. It's more tiring than ****ing.

View Quote Crash Davis: Relax, all right? Don't try to strike everybody out. Strikeouts are boring! Besides that, they're fascist. Throw some ground balls - it's more democratic. [starts to walk away]
Ebby Calvin "Nuke" LaLoosh: [to himself] What's this guy know about pitching? If he's so good how come he's been in the minors for the last ten years? If he's so good how come Annie wants me instead of him?
Crash Davis: [turns back] Oh, hey, and another thing, Meat. You don't know shit, all right? If you wanna make it to the bigs, you'll listen to me. Annie only wants you so she can boss you around, got it? So relax! Let's have some fun out here! This game's fun, OK? Fun goddamnit. And don't hold the ball so hard, OK? It's an egg. Hold it like an egg.
Nuke: [to himself again]: What's he know about fun? I'm young. I know about fun. An old man. He don't know nothin' about fun.
Crash: [behind the plate again]: All right. Nobody's goin' out there. [Crash calls for a curve ball.]
Nuke:[to himself]: Why's he calling for a curve ball? I want to bring heat. Shake him off. Throw what you want.
[Crash gives Nuke the sign for the pitch, Nuke shakes his head again. Crash walks to the mound.]
Crash: Why are you shaking me off?
Nuke: I want to bring the heater. Announce my presence with authority.
Crash: [indignantly] To announce what?
Nuke: My presence with authority.
Crash: [in disgust] To announce your presence with authority?! This guy's a first ball fastball hitter, looking for the heat.
Nuke: So what? He ain't seen my heat.
Crash: All right, Meat. Give him your heat. [He walks back to his place behind the plate.]
Nuke: Why's he always calling me Meat? I'm the guy driving a Porsche.
Crash: [to the batter at the plate]: Fastball.
[Nuke throws it and the batter hits a home run, hitting the picture of the Durham Bull. The Bull roars and smoke comes from his mouth. The batter stands there, watching.]
Crash: What are you doing standing here? I gave you a gift. You stand here showing up my pitcher? Run, dummy.[The batter runs around the bases.]
Crash: Give me the ball. [He walks toward the mound.]

View Quote [Mechanized bull noises in background, signifying a home run]
Crash Davis: Well, he really hit the shit outta that one, didn't he? [laughs]
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: [softly, infuriated] I held it like an egg.
Crash Davis: Yeah, and he scrambled the son of a bitch. Look at that, he hit the ****ing bull! Guy gets a free steak! [laughs]
Crash Davis: You having fun yet?
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: Oh, yeah. Havin' a blast.
Crash Davis: Good.
[pause]
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: God, that sucker teed off on that like he knew I was gonna throw a fastball!
Crash Davis: He did know.
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: How?
Crash Davis: I told him.

View Quote [after Ebby didn't listen to Crash, and the ball became a home run]
Crash: Man that ball got outta here in a hurry. I mean anything travels that far oughta have a damn stewardess on it, don't you think?
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: You told him didn't you?
Crash Davis: Yup.