Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me quotes

View Quote Ivana: Do you know how we keep warm in Russia?
Austin: Mm, I can guess, baby.
Ivana: We play chess.
Austin: I guessed wrong.

View Quote Austin: [Looking through binoculars around neck] Dr. Evil's headquarters is just over that next ridge.
Felicity: Let me look. [Pulls binoculars, with Austin, across]
Austin: Arrgh!
Felicity: Damn it! [Pulls binoculars down] How do we get in?
Austin: [Stuck in Felicity's cleavage] Hello, Mummy. Mummy, can I have some chocolate? I want some Mars bars!
Felicity: Austin?
Austin: Don't smack my bottom, mummy!
Felicity: Austin?
Austin: [Pulls himself up] Sorry, love. I got stuck in your dirty pillows. Hmmm...
Felicity: Let's look at the map. [Drags Austin, by the binoculars, into a tentpole.]
Austin: Oh, blimey!

View Quote Austin: Those are skin tight. How do you get into those pants baby?
Felicity: You can start by buying me a drink.
[Austin exhales sharply and heavily]

View Quote Dr. Evil: [about his new "laser"] You see, I've turned the moon into what I like to call a "Death Star".
[Scott snickers]
Dr. Evil: What?
Scott: Oh, nothing, Darth.
Dr. Evil: What did you call me?
Scott: Nothing. [pretends to sneeze] Ripoff.
Dr. Evil: Bless you.

View Quote Austin: Who sent you?!
Mustafa: You'll have to kill me.
Austin: Who sent you?!
Mustafa: Kiss my ass, Powers!
Austin: Who sent you?!
Mustafa: Dr. Evil!
Felicity: That was easy.
Austin: That was easy.
Felicity: Why did you tell us?
Mustafa: I can't stand to be asked the same question 3 times. It just irritates me.
Austin: Where is Dr. Evil hiding?
Mustafa: Why would he tell me? I'm just one of his low-level functionaries.
Austin: Where is Dr. Evil hiding?
Mustafa: You'll have to torture me. I'll never tell you.
Austin: (quickly) Where's Dr. Evil hiding?!
Mustafa: Damn! 3 times! He's hiding in the secret volcano lair.
Austin: Where is Dr. Evil's secret volcano lair?
Mustafa: (spits) I spit at the question.
Austin: Do I really have to ask you 2 more times?
Mustafa: Go to hell, Powers.
Austin: Fine. Where is Dr. Evil's secret... volcano... lair?
Mustafa: I will take it to the grave with me.
Felicity: AHA! You have to answer. He asked you 3 times.
Mustafa: No, no, no! The second question was: "Do I really have to ask you 2 more times?", so that would be the first question in a new line of questioning, and wouldn't count in the other line of questioning.
Austin: He's right.

View Quote Dr. Evil: The key to this project is the giant laser, which was invented by the noted Cambridge physicist, Dr. Parsons. So therefore, it is fitting to call it: "The Alan Parsons Project".
[Scott snickers]
Dr. Evil: What?
Scott: The Alan Parsons Project was a progressive rock band from 1982. Why don't you just name it Operation Wang Chung, ass?

View Quote Johnson: [Noticing Dr. Evil's spaceship on radar] Colonel, you better have a look at this radar.
Colonel: What is it, son?
Johnson: I don't know, sir, but it looks like a giant--
Jet Pilot: Dick.
Dick: Yeah?
Jet Pilot: Take a look out of starboard.
Dick: Oh my God, it looks like a huge--
Bird-Watching Woman: Pecker.
Bird-Watching Man: [raising binoculars] Ooh, Where?
Bird-Watching Woman: Wait, that's not a woodpecker, it looks like someone's--
Army Sergeant: Privates! We have reports of an unidentified flying object. It has a long, smooth shaft, complete with--
Baseball Umpire: Two balls.
[looking up from game]
Baseball Umpire: What is that. It looks just like an enormous--
Chinese Teacher: Wang, pay attention!
Wang: I was distracted by that giant flying--
Musician: Willie.
Willie Nelson: Yeah?
Musician: What's that?
Willie Nelson: [squints] Well, that looks like a giant--
Colonel: Johnson?!
Johnson: Yes, sir?
Colonel: Get on the horn to British Intelligence and let them know about this.
Later, as Dr. Evil is escaping: Basil: Did we get Dr. Evil?
Johnson: No, sir. He got away in that rocket that looks like a huge--
Schoolteacher: Penis. The male reproductive organ. Otherwise known as tallywhacker, schlong or--
Dad: Weiner? Any of you kids want another weiner?
Son: Dad? What's that? points at rocket
Dad: I don't know, son, but it's got great big--
Peanut seller: Nuts! Hot salty nuts! Who wants some-- Lord Almighty!
Woman: That looks just like my husband's--
Ringmaster: One-eyed monster! Step right up and see the One-Eyed Monster!
One-eyed Monster: jumps out and scares crowd, then points to the rocket Hey, what's that? It looks like a big--
female Fan: Woody! Woody Harrelson? Can I have an autograph?
Woody Harrelson: Sure thing. [Sees rocket] Oh my lord.
Female fan: It's big!
Woody: Nah, I've seen bigger, it's--
Dr. Evil: (To Mini-Me) Just a little prick. It's a flu shot. You've been in the coldness of space.

View Quote Number Two: Why not use your knowledge of the future to play the stock market? We could make trillions.
Dr. Evil: (smug laugh to himself) Why make trillions when we could make... (zoom up, play evil sound bite, and pause) Billions? (he happily grins)
Scott: A trillion is more than a billion, numb-nuts.
Dr. Evil: All right, zip it.
Scott: You- you can't even--
Dr. Evil: Zip it! Zi-i-ip.
Scott: Look, all I'm-
Dr. Evil: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, ex-zip-it A.
Scott: Number Two, would you please back me-
Dr. Evil: Look! I'm "Zippy" Longstocking!
Scott: Argh, I can't--
Dr. Evil: (to Devo's "Whip It") When a problem comes along, you must zip it! (imitates whip) Zip it good!
Scott: Frau, would you please-
Dr. Evil: (speaks faux Japanese)... Subtitle: "Zip it".
Scott: I'm just trying to-
Dr. Evil: Zip! Would you like to have a suckle of my "zipple"?
Scott: I want--
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott: Stop.
Dr. Evil: (speaking gibberish)
Scott: All you--
Dr. Evil: (speaking gibberish)
Scott: You--
Dr. Evil: (speaking gibberish)
Scott: You're like a child!
Dr. Evil: (speaking gibberish)
Scott: Talk--
Dr. Evil: (speaking gibberish)
Scott: If you just--
Dr. Evil: (speaking gibberish)
Scott: Just--
Dr. Evil: (speaking gibberish)
Scott: One time--
Dr. Evil: Zip it. Unveil the time portal.

View Quote Dr. Evil: Ladies and gentlemen, I have a plan. I have developed-- (The espresso machine in the back suddenly makes a deafening noise as Dr. Evil continues to explain his plan to his cabinet though no words are heard)
Dr. Evil: No? Nothing? Ladies and gentlemen, I have developed-- (The espresso machine goes off again and Dr. Evil patiently waits for it to stop)
Dr. Evil: Number Two, if that happens once more, I'm gonna have your balls for breakfast. Okay? Yeah. Denny's style.
Austin Powers: Would you happen to know a man named Mr. Evil?
Robin Swallows: I don't know anyone named Dr. Evil.
Austin Powers: Really? I said Mr. Evil. ... Would you care for something to drink? Would you like a Mr. Pepper?
Robin Swallows: I would love a Dr. Pepper.
Austin Powers: Really? I said Mr. Pepper.
Felicity Shagwell: You were married? I can't believe that! You were a famous swinger! What was her name?
Austin Powers: Vanessa. She was a special woman. It really broke my heart when she turned out to be a robot.
Felicity Shagwell: You mean she was uptight and never expressed her feelings?
Austin Powers: No, I mean she was constructed of plastic, wire, fore bearings, and what have you. Yeah. She had a tin clunge.

View Quote Hey! In Like Flint! That's my favorite movie.

View Quote Mission Control, the swinger has landed.

View Quote Mini-Me, stop humping the laser! Honest to God, why don't you and the giant laser get a fricking room, for Christ's sake?

View Quote Mini-Me, are you hungry? Something to eat? Not even a Hot Pocket? An Eggo?

View Quote We don't gnaw on our kitty. Leave Mi--no. Leave Mini Mr. Bigglesworth alone.

View Quote Mini-Me, you complete me.