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Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery quotes

81 total quotes

Austin Powers
Doctor Evil
Multiple Characters

Dr. Evil: Ok, no problem. here's my second plan. Back in the 60s, I developed a weather changing machine, which was in essence a sophisticated heat beam which we called a (uses air quotes) LASER. Using these LASERs, we punch a hole in the protective hole around the world, which we call the (further air qoutes) Ozone Layer. Slowly, but surely, ultraviolet rays would pour in, increasing the risk of skin cancer, that is, unless the world pays us a hefty ranson... (puts pinky to mouth smugly)
Number 2: (clears throat) That also...already...has happened.
Dr. Evil: Shit. (beat of silence) Oh hell, let's just do what we always do, hi-jack some nuclear weapons and hold the world hostage. Yeah? Good.

That's Doctor Evil. I didn't spend six years in Evil Medical School to be called "Mister", thank you very much.

Dr. Evil: Begin the unnecessarily slow-moving dipping mechanism.
[Guard starts dipping mechanism]
Dr. Evil: Close the tank!
Scott Evil: Wait, aren't you even going to watch them? They could get away!
Dr. Evil: No no no, I'm going to leave them alone and not actually witness them dying, I'm just gonna assume it all went to plan. What?
Scott Evil: I have a gun, in my room, you give me five seconds, I'll get it, I'll come back down here, BOOM, I'll blow their brains out!
Dr. Evil: Scott, you just don't get it, do ya? You don't.

Allow myself to introduce... myself. My name is Richie Cunningham and this is my wife, Oprah.

Austin Powers: [Shouting] WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Basil Exposition: The shouting is a temporary side-effect of the unfreezing.
Austin Powers: Yes... I'm having difficulty controlling THE VOLUME OF MY VOICE.

Scott Evil: Well my friend Sweet Jay took me to that video arcade in town, right, and they don't speak English there, so Jay got into a fight and he's all, "Hey quit hasslin' me cuz' I don't speak French" or whatever! And then the guy said something in Paris talk, and I'm like, "Just back off!" And they're all, "Get out!" And we're like, "Make me!" It was cool.

[Vanessa catches Austin in his underwear] Wait, Vanessa, I can explain. You see, I was looking for Dr. Evil when the Fembots came out and smoke started coming out of their jumblies. So I started to work my mojo, to counter their mojo; we got cross-mojulation, and their heads started exploding, that thing, and then I'm in my knickers here and... [exhales]

Do I make you horny? Do I make you randy, baby, yeah, do I?

Scott Evil: It's no hassle...
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: But...
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: I'm...
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: All I'm say...
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: They're gonna get a...
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: I'm...
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: I'm just...
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: Would...
Dr. Evil: Sh!... Knock-knock.
Scott Evil: Who's there?
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: But...
Dr. Evil: Let me tell you a little story about a man named Sh! Sh! even before you start. That was a pre-emptive "sh!" Just know that I have a whole bag of "sh!" with your name on it.

Austin Powers: [Austin is drowning a man in the toilet] Who does Number Two work for? Who does Number Two work for?
Cowboy: Yeah, that's right buddy! You show that turd who's boss.

Let me ask you a question, and be honest — do I make you randy, baby?!

Alotta Fagina: In Japan, men come first and women come second.
Austin Powers: Or sometimes not at all.

Dr. Evil: Scott, I want you to meet daddy's nemesis, Austin Powers
Scott: What, are you feeding him? Why don't you just kill him?
Dr. Evil: No Scott, I have a better idea. I'm going to place him in an easily escapable situation involving an overly elaborate and exotic death.
Scott: Why don't you kill him now? I mean, come on, we can shoot 'em together it'll be fun. Bang!
Dr. Evil: One more word out of you and you are grounded Mr., and I am not joking!

Cowboy: [Looking at the man that Austin Powers had drowned and left in the toilet] Jesus Christ boy! What did you eat?

That makes me angry, and when Dr. Evil gets angry Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset, people DIE!