Austin Powers: Hey! There you are!
Tourist: Hi... do I know you?
Austin Powers: No, but that's where you are! You're there!

Vanessa Kensington: Look, I know I'm being neurotic, but I can't shake off this suspicious feeling about Miss Fagina. I don't want to sound paranoid, but I've had some bad relationships in the past, and I have been known to be jealous. I'm sorry.
Austin Powers: No, don't be sorry, baby. You're right to be suspicious. I shagged her.
Vanessa Kensington: What?
Austin Powers: I shagged her rotten, baby, yeah!
Vanessa Kensington: Did you at least use protection ?
Austin Powers: Of course. I had my 9mm automatic.
Vanessa Kensington: You know I meant, did you use a condom?
Austin Powers: No, only sailors wear condoms baby.
Vanessa Kensington: Not in the '90s Austin.
Austin Powers: Well they should, those filthy beggars. They go from port to port.

Austin Powers: That's Dr. Evil's cat!
Vanessa Kensington: How can you tell?
Austin Powers: I never forget a pussy... cat.

Austin Powers: [Shouting] WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Basil Exposition: The shouting is a temporary side-effect of the unfreezing.
Austin Powers: Yes... I'm having difficulty controlling THE VOLUME OF MY VOICE.

Cowboy: [Looking at the man that Austin Powers had drowned and left in the toilet] Jesus Christ boy! What did you eat?

Dr. Evil: Ok, no problem. here's my second plan. Back in the 60s, I developed a weather changing machine, which was in essence a sophisticated heat beam which we called a (uses air quotes) LASER. Using these LASERs, we punch a hole in the protective hole around the world, which we call the (further air qoutes) Ozone Layer. Slowly, but surely, ultraviolet rays would pour in, increasing the risk of skin cancer, that is, unless the world pays us a hefty ranson... (puts pinky to mouth smugly)
Number 2: (clears throat) That also...already...has happened.
Dr. Evil: Shit. (beat of silence) Oh hell, let's just do what we always do, hi-jack some nuclear weapons and hold the world hostage. Yeah? Good.

Casino Dealer: 17.
Number Two: [After scanning the deck with his X-ray eye patch] Hit me.
Casino Dealer: You have 17, sir.
Number Two: I like to live dangerously.
Casino Dealer: [Hit for four] 21. Very good, sir.
Casino Dealer: [To Austin] 5.
Austin Powers: [Waves his hands over his cards] I'll stay.
Casino Dealer: I suggest you hit, sir.
Austin Powers: I also like to live dangerously.
Casino Dealer: [Flips his cards over] 20 beats your 5 sir. I'm sorry, sir.
Austin Powers: Well I must admit, cards aren't my bag, baby.

Alotta Fagina: In Japan, men come first and women come second.
Austin Powers: Or sometimes not at all.

Austin Powers: What exactly do you do, Mr. Number Two?
Number Two: That's my business. Now if you'll excuse, I have to go to the little boys' room.

Alotta Fagina: How dare you break wind before me.
Austin Powers: I'm sorry I didn't realize it was your turn.

Frau Farbissina: Send in the femBOTS!

Countdown Man: [Monotone despite the destruction of Dr. Evil's base around him] _______ Seconds and counting...

Alotta Fagina: Care for some sake?
Austin Powers: Sake it to me baby!

Basil Exposition: A lot's happened since you've been frozen. The Cold War's over!
Austin Powers: All right! Finally those capitalist pigs will pay for their crimes, eh? Eh comrades? Eh?
Basil Exposition: Austin... we won.
Austin Powers: Oh, smashing, groovy, yay capitalism!

Dr. Evil: Gentlemen welcome to my underground lair. Its been 30 years but I'm back. Everything's gone perfectly to plan except one small flaw. Due to a technical error by my henchman Mustafa complications arose in the unfreezing process.
Mustafa: My design was perfect.
Dr. Evil: Look what you did to Mr. Bigglesworth! [Mr. Bigglesworth is completely bald]
Mustafa: But Dr. Evil we were unable to anticipate feline complications due to the reanimation process-
Dr. Evil: Silence! [Presses a button and Mustafa's chair tilts back dropping him into a pit of fire] Let this be a reminder to you all that this organization will not tolerate failure. [Mustafa can be heard moaning from an air vent] Gentlemen, lets get down to business. [Mustafa's moans continue] We've got a lot of work to do.
Mustafa: Someone help me. I'm still alive only I'm very badly burned.
Dr. Evil: Some of you I know, some of you I'm meeting for the first time.
Mustafa: Hello out there. Anyone. Can someone call an ambulance, I'm in quite a lot of pain.
Dr. Evil: Okay, you've all been gathered here to form my evil cabinet [Mustafa starts again] - excuse me. [Dr. Evil picks up a phone and talks to a henchmen on the other line] Yes, he's down there.
Henchman: [almost inaudible] Is he dead yet?
Dr. Evil: No, not dead. Burnt, badly.
Henchman: Would you like me to take care of him, possibly with a gun?
Dr. Evil: Yes.
Henchman: Kill him?
Dr. Evil: Right. [hangs up the phone]
Mustafa: If somebody could open the retrieval hatch down here I could get out. See I designed this device myself [a hatch is heard opening] - Oh, hi, good. I'm glad you found me, listen I'm very badly burned, so if you could just- [a gunshot fires] You shot me!
Dr. Evil: Okay, moving on-
Mustafa: You shot me right in the arm! Why would you- [another gunshot fires, all is silent for a moment, then the hatch is heard closing]
Dr. Evil: Right.