Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery quotes

View Quote Vanessa Kensington: Look, I know I'm being neurotic, but I can't shake off this suspicious feeling about Miss ****ina. I don't want to sound paranoid, but I've had some bad relationships in the past, and I have been known to be jealous. I'm sorry.
Austin Powers: No, don't be sorry, baby. You're right to be suspicious. I shagged her.
Vanessa Kensington: What?
Austin Powers: I shagged her rotten, baby, yeah!
Vanessa Kensington: Did you at least use protection ?
Austin Powers: Of course. I had my 9mm automatic.
Vanessa Kensington: You know I meant, did you use a condom?
Austin Powers: No, only sailors wear condoms baby.
Vanessa Kensington: Not in the '90s Austin.
Austin Powers: Well they should, those filthy beggars. They go from port to port.

View Quote Dr. Evil: Scott, I want you to meet daddy's nemesis, Austin Powers
Scott: What, are you feeding him? Why don't you just kill him?
Dr. Evil: No Scott, I have a better idea. I'm going to place him in an easily escapable situation involving an overly elaborate and exotic death.
Scott: Why don't you kill him now? I mean, come on, we can shoot 'em together it'll be fun. Bang!
Dr. Evil: One more word out of you and you are grounded Mr., and I am not joking!

View Quote Dr. Evil: Begin the unnecessarily slow-moving dipping mechanism.
[Guard starts dipping mechanism]
Dr. Evil: Close the tank!
Scott Evil: Wait, aren't you even going to watch them? They could get away!
Dr. Evil: No no no, I'm going to leave them alone and not actually witness them dying, I'm just gonna assume it all went to plan. What?
Scott Evil: I have a gun, in my room, you give me five seconds, I'll get it, I'll come back down here, BOOM, I'll blow their brains out!
Dr. Evil: Scott, you just don't get it, do ya? You don't.

View Quote Scott Evil: I was thinking I like animals. Maybe I'd be a vet.
Dr. Evil: An evil vet?
Scott Evil: No! Maybe like work in a petting zoo.
Dr. Evil: An evil petting zoo?
Scott Evil: You always do that!

View Quote Scott Evil: I just think, like, he hates me. I really think he wants to kill me.
Therapist: He doesn't really want to kill you. Sometimes we just say that.
Dr. Evil: No actually the boy is quite astute. I really am trying to kill him, but so far unsuccessfully. He's quite wily, like his old man.

View Quote [Austin and Vanessa see a man decapitated]
Austin Powers: Not the time to lose one's head.
Vanessa Kensington: No.
Austin Powers: That's not the way to get ahead in life.
Vanessa Kensington: No.
Austin Powers: It's a shame he wasn't more headstrong.
Vanessa Kensington: Hmm.
Austin Powers: He'll never be the head of a major corporation.
Vanessa Kensington: Okay, that'll do.
Austin Powers: Okay.

View Quote Vanessa Kensington: That's you in a nutshell.
Austin Powers: No, this is me in a nutshell: "Help! I'm in a nutshell! How did I get into this bloody great big nutshell? What kind of shell has a nut like this?"

View Quote Dr. Evil: You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! Now evidently my cycloptic colleague informs me that that can't be done. Ah, would you remind me what I pay you people for.? Honestly? Throw me a bone here! What do we have?
Number Two: Sea bass.
Dr. Evil: [Unconvinced] ... Riiiight.
Number Two: They are mutated sea bass.
Dr. Evil: Really? Are they ill tempered?
Number Two: Absolutely.
Dr. Evil: Oh well, that's a start.

View Quote Alotta ****ina: In Japan, men come first and women come second.
Austin Powers: Or sometimes not at all.

View Quote Scott Evil: I hate you! I hate you! I wish I was never artificially created in a lab!
Dr. Evil: Oh Scott, that hurts daddy when you say that. Honestly.

View Quote Austin Powers: What exactly do you do, Mr. Number Two?
Number Two: That's my business. Now if you'll excuse, I have to go to the little boys' room.

View Quote Cowboy: Whoo! That is one crazy get-up, mister... Are you in the show?
Austin Powers: No, actually, I'm English.
Cowboy: Oh... sorry.

View Quote Number Two: My name is Number Two and this is Alotta ****ina.
Austin Powers: Come again?
Alotta ****ina: Alotta ****ina
Austin Powers: Oh, I'm sorry, I'm just not getting it, it sounds like you said your name was a lot of um... never mind!

View Quote Frau Farbissina: Remember when we froze your semen? You said that if it didn't look like you were coming back we should try to create an heir so a part of you would live forever?
Dr. Evil: Oh sure.
Frau Farbissina: Well, after a couple of years we got a little impatient. Dr Evil, I would like you to meet your son.
Dr. Evil: My son?
Frau Farbissina: Ja. SCOTT!
[Scott enters]
Dr. Evil: Hello Scott.
Scott Evil: Hi.
Dr. Evil: I'm your father. Dr Evil.
Scott Evil: I haven't seen you my whole life and now you just show up and expect a relationship? I hate you. [Dr. Evil approaches Scott] What?
Dr. Evil: Can I have a hug?
Scott Evil: No.
Dr. Evil: Give me a hug.
Scott Evil: No way.
Dr. Evil: Come here.
Scott Evil: I'm not coming over there.
Dr. Evil: Let's go.
Scott Evil: Forget it.
Dr. Evil: Pronto.
Scott Evil: What are you doing?
Dr. Evil: I'm with it. I'm hip. Tak-a-tak-a-tak-a-tak-a [Dr. Evil dances the Macarena] Well, don't look at me like I'm friggin' Frankenstein, give your father a hug.
Scott Evil: Get away from me, you lazy-eyed psycho!
[Dr. Evil runs after him with his arms out]
Dr. Evil: Hug, hug, hug.

View Quote Casino Dealer: 17.
Number Two: [After scanning the deck with his X-ray eye patch] Hit me.
Casino Dealer: You have 17, sir.
Number Two: I like to live dangerously.
Casino Dealer: [Hit for four] 21. Very good, sir.
Casino Dealer: [To Austin] 5.
Austin Powers: [Waves his hands over his cards] I'll stay.
Casino Dealer: I suggest you hit, sir.
Austin Powers: I also like to live dangerously.
Casino Dealer: [Flips his cards over] 20 beats your 5 sir. I'm sorry, sir.
Austin Powers: Well I must admit, cards aren't my bag, baby.