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Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery quotes

81 total quotes

Austin Powers
Doctor Evil
Multiple Characters




View Quote I like to see girls of that... caliber. [pause] By "caliber," of course, I refer to both the size of their gun barrels and the high quality of their characters... two meanings... caliber... it's a homonym... Forget it.
View Quote There's nothing quite as pathetic as an aging hipster.
View Quote I demand the sum of ... ONE MILLION DOLLARS.
View Quote I had the group LIQUIDATED, you little shit. They were insolent.
View Quote Scott Evil: Well my friend Sweet Jay took me to that video arcade in town, right, and they don't speak English there, so Jay got into a fight and he's all, "Hey quit hasslin' me cuz' I don't speak French" or whatever! And then the guy said something in Paris talk, and I'm like, "Just back off!" And they're all, "Get out!" And we're like, "Make me!" It was cool.
View Quote Frau Farbissina: Send in the femBOTS!
View Quote Countdown Man: [Monotone despite the destruction of Dr. Evil's base around him] _______ Seconds and counting...
View Quote Computer voice: Evacuation com--
[Austin continues to urinate; stops]
Computer voice: Evacuation com--
[Austin continues urinating; stops again]
Computer voice: Evacuation com--
[Austin continues; then stops]
Computer voice: Com--
[Tinkle]
Computer voice: Com--
[Tinkle]
Computer voice: Com--
[Tinkle]
Computer voice: Com--
[Tinkle]
Computer voice: Com--
[Tinkle; slight pause]
Computer voice: Evacuation com--
[Austin continues urination; Basil looks on bewildered]
View Quote Dr. Evil: Gentlemen welcome to my underground lair. Its been 30 years but I'm back. Everything's gone perfectly to plan except one small flaw. Due to a technical error by my henchman Mustafa complications arose in the unfreezing process.
Mustafa: My design was perfect.
Dr. Evil: Look what you did to Mr. Bigglesworth! [Mr. Bigglesworth is completely bald]
Mustafa: But Dr. Evil we were unable to anticipate feline complications due to the reanimation process-
Dr. Evil: Silence! [Presses a button and Mustafa's chair tilts back dropping him into a pit of fire] Let this be a reminder to you all that this organization will not tolerate failure. [Mustafa can be heard moaning from an air vent] Gentlemen, lets get down to business. [Mustafa's moans continue] We've got a lot of work to do.
Mustafa: Someone help me. I'm still alive only I'm very badly burned.
Dr. Evil: Some of you I know, some of you I'm meeting for the first time.
Mustafa: Hello out there. Anyone. Can someone call an ambulance, I'm in quite a lot of pain.
Dr. Evil: Okay, you've all been gathered here to form my evil cabinet [Mustafa starts again] - excuse me. [Dr. Evil picks up a phone and talks to a henchmen on the other line] Yes, he's down there.
Henchman: [almost inaudible] Is he dead yet?
Dr. Evil: No, not dead. Burnt, badly.
Henchman: Would you like me to take care of him, possibly with a gun?
Dr. Evil: Yes.
Henchman: Kill him?
Dr. Evil: Right. [hangs up the phone]
Mustafa: If somebody could open the retrieval hatch down here I could get out. See I designed this device myself [a hatch is heard opening] - Oh, hi, good. I'm glad you found me, listen I'm very badly burned, so if you could just- [a gunshot fires] You shot me!
Dr. Evil: Okay, moving on-
Mustafa: You shot me right in the arm! Why would you- [another gunshot fires, all is silent for a moment, then the hatch is heard closing]
Dr. Evil: Right.
View Quote Dr. Evil: Gentlemen, I have a plan [Dr. Evil gives Mr. Bigglesworth to Random Task. Random Task accidentally grabs Dr. Evils arm as well, rolling him off screen. Dr. Evil rolls himself back on screen] ...it's called blackmail. As you know the Royal Family of Britain are the wealthiest landowners in the world. Either the Royal Family pays us an exorbitant amount of money or we make it seem that Prince Charles has had an affair outside of marriage and therefore would have to divorce.
Number 2: (clears his throat) Prince Charles did have an affair. He admitted it, and they are now divorced.
Dr. Evil: Right, okay people you have to tell me these things, all right. I've been frozen for 30 years okay. Throw me a frickin' bone here! I'm the boss, need the info.
View Quote Dr. Evil: Ok, no problem. here's my second plan. Back in the 60s, I developed a weather changing machine, which was in essence a sophisticated heat beam which we called a (uses air quotes) LASER. Using these LASERs, we punch a hole in the protective hole around the world, which we call the (further air qoutes) Ozone Layer. Slowly, but surely, ultraviolet rays would pour in, increasing the risk of skin cancer, that is, unless the world pays us a hefty ranson... (puts pinky to mouth smugly)
Number 2: (clears throat) That also...already...has happened.
Dr. Evil: Shit. (beat of silence) Oh hell, let's just do what we always do, hi-jack some nuclear weapons and hold the world hostage. Yeah? Good.
View Quote Austin Powers: [Holding Scott hostage] It seems the tables have turned again, Dr. Evil.
Dr. Evil: Not really. Kill the little bastard, see if I care.
Scott Evil: But dad, we just had a breakthrough in group.
Dr. Evil: I had the group LIQUIDATED, you little shit! They were insolent!
View Quote Alotta ****ina: Care for some sake?
Austin Powers: Sake it to me baby!
View Quote Vanessa Kensington: Mr. Powers, I would never have sex with you, ever! If you were the last man on earth and I was the last woman on earth, and the future of the human race depended on our having sex, simply for procreation, I still would not have sex with you.
Austin Powers: What's your point, Vanessa?
View Quote Quartermaster Clerk: [Returning Austin's personal property after reanimating him] One Swedish-made penis enlarger pump.
Austin Powers: [To Vanessa, frantically] That's not mine.
Quartermaster Clerk: One credit card receipt for Swedish-made penis enlarger pump signed by Austin Powers.
Austin Powers: I'm telling ya baby, that's not mine.
Quartermaster Clerk: [Beginning to get annoyed over the monotony] One warranty card for Swedish-made penis enlarger pump, filled out by Austin Powers.
Austin Powers: I don't even know what this is! This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby.
Quartermaster Clerk: One BOOK, "Swedish-made penis Enlarger Pumps And Me: (This Sort of Thing Is My Bag Baby)", by Austin Powers.
Austin Powers: [Gaping] Aaah.
Quartermaster Clerk: Just sign the form.