Austin Powers in Goldmember

Austin Powers in Goldmember quotes

71 total quotes (ID: 52)

Austin Powers
Doctor Evil
Fat Bastard
Foxxy Cleopatra
Goldmember
Multiple Characters
Nigel Powers


Austin: Listen, dad, if you are are going to say naughty things in front of these American girls then at least speak English English.
[Nigel looks back at girls] Nigel: All right, my son: I could've had it away with this cracking Julie, my old China. (Subtitle: I was about to make love to this pretty girl.)
Austin: Are you telling a bunch pork-pies and a bag of trout? Because if you are feeling quigly, why not just have a J. Arthur? (Is this true? If you were aroused, why didn't you pleasure yourself?)
Nigel: What, billy no mates? (What, alone?)
Austin: Too right, youth. (Indeed.)
Nigel: Don't you remember the crimbo din-din we had with the grotty Scots bint? (Remember Christmas dinner with the Scottish girl?)
Austin: Oh, the one that was all sixes and sevens! (The insane one?)
Nigel: Yeah, yeah, she was the trouble and strife of the Morris dancer what lived up the apples and pears! (She was the wife of the dancer who lived upstairs.)
Austin: She was the barrister what become a bobby in a lorry and... (A lawyer who became a policeman in a truck) [complete gibberish] (????????)...
Austin & Nigel: --tea kettle!
Nigel: And then, and then--
Austin & Nigel: She shat on a turtle!


Goldmember: Would you like a smoke and a pancake?
Austin: ... What?
Goldmember: A smoke and a pancake. You know, a flapjack and a cigarette? No?
Austin: [shakes head]
Goldmember: Cigar and a waffle? No?
Austin: [shakes head]
Goldmember: Pipe and a crepe? No?
Austin: [shakes head]
Goldmember: Bong and a blintz?
Austin and Nigel: No.
Goldmember: Well, then there ish no pleashing you.
Austin: That's not right.

Dr. Evil: Our early attempts at a tractor beam went through several preparations. Preparations A through G were a complete failure. But now, ladies and gentlemen, we finally have a working tractor beam, which we shall call... Preparation H!!
Scott laughs.
Dr. Evil: What?
Scott: Why don't you just call it Operation Ass Cream, ass?
Dr. Evil: I-I'm sorry, did you want some ice cream?
Scott: Yes, I'd love some chocolate ass cream.
Dr. Evil: Perhaps later.
Number Two: Dr. Evil, I love your plan.
Dr. Evil: Yah, eh?
Frau: Ja, Doctor. It's a really good plan.
Dr. Evil: Yes Frau, on the whole, I think Preparation H feels good.
Scott starts chuckling uncontrollably.
Dr. Evil: (irriated) What is it now?
Scott: No, nothin'. You know what, I agree. Preparation H does feel good...on the hole.
Dr. Evil: Well, I'm glad were sprechen sie the same lingidy... yah. Ladies and Gentlemen, using my time machine, I shall travel back to 1975, pick up Goldmember, and bring him back to the future. And the best part of the plan is, no one can stop me...not even... Austin Powers. Muh-huh-huh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Others (except Scott): Huh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Austin Powers: Not so fast.
Several British SAS forces storm the room.
Austin Powers: You're surrounded, Dr. Evil.
Dr. Evil: Shit.

Goldmember: Breaker-breaker one-niner, this is Goldie Wang. Over.
Dr. Evil: Ten-four there, Goldie Wang. This is Rubber Duckie. What's your ten-twenty? Over.
Goldmember: I've got Preparation H in my rear and Smokey the Bear on my back door. We got us a convoy. Over.
Dr. Evil: Yee-haw! Copy that, you son of a bitch, pile of monkey nuts.

[{}=Japanese translations]
Mr. Roboto: {I am president of Roboto Industries. My name is Mr. Roboto.}
Austin Powers: Domo arigato, Mr.Roboto. {Thank you, Mr. Roboto} [to audience] I thank you.
Foxxy Cleopatra: {Thank you for seeing us on such short notice.}
Austin Powers: [to Foxxy] You speak Japanese?
Foxxy Cleopatra: A little.
Austin Powers: Well, you might be a cunning linguist but I'm a master debater. [Both laugh, then, seriously, to Mr. Roboto] I'm looking for my father. He was kidnapped.
Mr. Roboto: {Please eat some shit.}
Austin Powers: Please eat what?!
Foxxy Cleopatra: Wait. [Removes white cups revealing rest of subtitle] He said "Please eat some shitake mushrooms."
Austin Powers: Tell me. What do you know ... about my father's where...about...s?
Mr. Roboto: Hm. [Walks over to bookcase which contains white books] {Your ass is happy.}
Austin Powers: "Your ass is happy?!"
Foxxy Cleopatra: No. [Pulls down a bookcase cover] He said "Your assignment is an unhappy one."
Austin Powers: Oh!
Mr. Roboto: [to Japanese woman dressed in white] {I have a large rod.} [Japanese woman gasps]
Austin Powers: Nice potty-mouth, dirt bag!
Mr. Roboto: [Repeats line and moves away from woman, revealing I have a large rodent problem.]
Austin Powers: Oh.
Mr. Roboto: {A little off the topic but unfortunate nonetheless.}
Austin Powers: Yes. Very off-topic, thank you very much.
Mr. Roboto: Why don't I just speak in English?
Austin Powers: That would be a good idea now wouldn't it? That way, I wouldn't misread the subtitles, making it look like you're saying things that are dirty. [smiles]
[Later]
Austin Powers: By the way, {I do have a large rod...I wish.}

Austin Powers: Mr. Roboto is lying to us.
Foxxy Cleopatra: Tell me something I don't know.
Austin Powers: I open-mouth kissed a horse once.
Foxxy Cleopatra: Say what?
Austin Powers: That's something you don't know.

Johnson: Sir? Dr. Evil is not bluffing. One of our satellites is falling out of orbit.
World Leader: Which one?
Johnson: It's the one that looks like a pair of--
[cut to fruit stand]
Woman: Melons! Big juicy melons![holds them in front of her breasts.]
Man: Are they nice and firm?
Woman: Well, what do you think?
Man: [pointing to the sky] Look at that! It looks like a set of giant--
[cut to football game. 4 men are cheering with the letters "T","I","T" and "S" painted on their chests.]
Man with second T: A, and N, you're late! [two men with the letters "A" and "N" arrive, forming "TITANS."]
"A" Man: How we doing, man?
Men: Yeah! Go, Titans! Yeah!
"A" Man: Check it out! Those remind me of--
[film pauses]
Ozzy Osbourne: Boobs!
Sharon Osbourne: Boobs, Ozzy?
Ozzy Osbourne: These filmmakers are just f[bleep]ing boobs!
Kelly Osbourne: What do you mean, Dad?
Ozzy Osbourne: Well, their using the same f[bleep]ing jokes as they did in the last Austin Powers movie.
Sharon Osbourne: What f[bleep]ing joke?
Jack Osbourne: You know, the f[bleep]ing joke about the long, smooth rocket that looks like some guy's--
[back to World Organization]
World Leader: Johnson?
Johnson: Yes sir?
World Leader: Any sign of that satellite?
Johnson: No sir. It's gone.

Goldmember: Dr. Evil, we have the ultimate insurance policy; may I present to you, the very sexual, the very toit, Austin Power's fahza!
Dr. Evil: His what?
Number 2: His fazha, Dr. Evil.
Dr. Evil: His farjer?
Number 2: [nods]
Dr. Evil: What's farjer?
Goldmember: His fazha, ya know the fazha!
Dr. Evil: Yeah, Goldmember, I don't speak freaky-deaky Dutch, OK, perv-boy.
Goldmember: Fazha, his dad--dad is fazha.
Dr. Evil: Oh, his dad. Oh, his father.
Goldmember: Yes, I have a Dutch accent, isn't that weird?
Dr. Evil: Fat-ther, Fat-ther. Ah, Nigel Powers.
Nigel Powers: Hello, hello. (slaps Frau on her rear) Ha-ha-ha!
Dr. Evil: Bring him to me.
Nigel Powers: Easy-peasy, lemon squeezy. Oh, put the guns down. Is-is this the first day on the job or something? Look, this is how it goes, you attack me, one at a time, and I knock you out with a single punch. Okay? Go.
(The two guards listen, and Nigel does just that)
Dr. Evil: Oh, he's good.
Nigel Powers: (to third guard) Do you know who I am? Have you any idea how many anonymous henchmen I've killed over the years? And look at you, you haven't even got a name tag. (laughing) You got no chance. Why don't you just fall down?
(The guard complies.)
Nigel Powers: All right, Dr. Evil, give yourself up while you still got a chance. (handgun chambers behind Nigel) Okay, okay, you got me.
Dr. Evil: Nigel Powers, I'd like you to meet Mini-me.
Nigel Powers: Oh, blimey! (looks down at Mini-me) I thought I smelled cabbage.
Dr. Evil: Take him away!
Goldmember: Uh-uh, Dr. Evil, can I paint his yoo-hoo go-o-l-l-l-d? It's kind of my thing, ya know?
(Dr. Evil pilots his chair over to Goldmember, and swivels it to look at Goldmember.)
Dr. Evil: How 'bout no, you crazy Dutch bastard!


Austin: Excellent Basil, we've been trying for years to get a mole into Dr. Evil's lair, we know have that mole.
Basil:: Yes! Ah, and here he is.
Austin: So you're the (zoom up on the mole's mole) mo-o-ole, mo-o-o-le...
Foxxy: and Austin: Mo-ost, most, most excellent agent we've ever seen.
Austin: Yes, most excellent agent we've ever seen.
Foxxy: Mm-hmmm
Austin: (quietly to Foxxy) Thank you.
Mole: Thank you. Now, I wasn't able to get an exact location, but I did learn that Dr. Evil has moved to a new lair outside of Tokyo Japan......By the way, I realize that I have a large mole on my face.
Austin: Where??? (nervously laughs) What? Where's that mole? I... didn't see one.
Mole: I also realize the irony that I am myself a mole.
Austin: (nervously) No one would make that connection.
Basil: (to the Mole) Anyway, well done, old chap. Jolly good work.
Austin: Yes, nice to mole you--meet you! Nice to meet your mole! Don't say mole.
Foxxy: Stop.
Austin: I said mole.
Foxxy: Stop!
Mole: Bye.
Austin: Mole.
(Basil and the Mole walk to the elevator.)
Austin: Mo-ole... (Basil raises index finger, face indicating "that's enough.") Mole!
Basil: (irritated) Oh, shut up!
Austin: Moley-moley-moley-moley-moley!


Dr. Evil: [To Austin from inside a cell] Quid pro quo.
Austin Powers: [Confused] Yes, squid pro row.


Dr. Evil: Lower the globe.
Frau: (screeching) Lower the globe! [Goldmember flinches, the globe falls onto Dr. Evil's head]
Dr. Evil: Oww! Ow!
Goldmember: Scheiße!
Dr. Evil: Well, congratulations, numb-nuts! You've succeeded in turning me into a frickin'g jack-in-the-box! Get it off! Get it off! It's dark, it's dark! [Number 2 pulls the globe off Dr. Evil's head.] Okay! I'm okay. [Goldmember chuckles] Release the meteor.
Frau: (screeching) Release the meteor! [Mini-me swings a gold meteor model into Dr. Evil's groin]
Dr. Evil: (falls over) Ohh! Oh! Ohh, ohh, no way!
Goldmember: Right in the kniggin!
Dr. Evil: God damn it! Oh! Guys! [to Mini-me who shrugs afterwards] Way to go, a-hole! Everyone, just let me find my balls here, for God's sake... 1, 2, and 3. Okay, they're all there. I'm okay, I'm okay.

From the Movie Austinpussy: Austin (Tom Cruise): Yeah Baby!
Dixie (Gwyneth Paltrow): Hi I'm Dixie, Dixie Normous. I may just be a small town FBI agent slash single mother, but I'm still tough, and sexy.
Austin (Tom Cruise): Well Miss Normous, shall we shag now, or shag later?
Dixie (Gwyneth Paltrow):Oh Austin, Behave!
Dr. Evil (Kevin Spacey): Hey, Powers! You better watch your frigging self because this is one doctor who does make house-calls. Right, mini-me?
Mini-me (Danny Devito): Hey, assholes! I'm right over here! I'm Mini-me! Come and get me! (fires an automatic assault rifle in the air)
Goldmember (John Travolta): Hah-hey, assholes! Do I have time for a last shmoke and a pancake or what? I am from Holland, isn't that a we-e-eird?

(Deleted scene in Infinifilm edition) Dr. Evil: Goldmember, I have an anagram for you: "i fit iron dick."
Goldmember: Yes. "i fit iron dick." Yes, it's an anagram, so it's a jumble word. Okay, jumbling, jumbling... Carry the 7... Divided by... Yes. (Gives up.)
Dr. Evil: Yeah, can't get it? "i fit iron dick," "frickin' idiot." (Starts spelling it to the tune to Old McDonald Had a Farm) "f-r-i-c-k-i-n', i-d-i-o-t. With a frick-frick here and a frick-frick there, here a frick, there a frick, everywhere a frick-frick. Dr. Evil had a suuu-ubbb... filled with... frick-in idiots.

Goldmember: [picking skin off his back] Ooh yes. Yes-yes-yes-yes. This is a keeper.
Dr. Evil: All right, you're not going to put that skin in your mouth, are you?
Goldmember: [eats piece of skin]
Dr. Evil: You did. Okay, that's just gross.
Mini-Me: [cringes and shakes head]
Goldmember: [clapping] Yes, salty. Yes, that was good.

Shmoke and a pancake? You know, flapjack and a shigarette? No, alright. Cigar and a waffle? No? Pipe and a crepe? Bong and a blintz?