Austin Powers in Goldmember quotes

View Quote Goldmember: Dr. Evil, we have the ultimate insurance policy; may I present to you, the very sexual, the very toit, Austin Power's fahza!
Dr. Evil: His what?
Number 2: His fazha, Dr. Evil.
Dr. Evil: His farjer?
Number 2: [nods]
Dr. Evil: What's farjer?
Goldmember: His fazha, ya know the fazha!
Dr. Evil: Yeah, Goldmember, I don't speak freaky-deaky Dutch, OK, perv-boy.
Goldmember: Fazha, his dad--dad is fazha.
Dr. Evil: Oh, his dad. Oh, his father.
Goldmember: Yes, I have a Dutch accent, isn't that weird?
Dr. Evil: Fat-ther, Fat-ther. Ah, Nigel Powers.
Nigel Powers: Hello, hello. (slaps Frau on her rear) Ha-ha-ha!
Dr. Evil: Bring him to me.
Nigel Powers: Easy-peasy, lemon squeezy. Oh, put the guns down. Is-is this the first day on the job or something? Look, this is how it goes, you attack me, one at a time, and I knock you out with a single punch. Okay? Go.
(The two guards listen, and Nigel does just that)
Dr. Evil: Oh, he's good.
Nigel Powers: (to third guard) Do you know who I am? Have you any idea how many anonymous henchmen I've killed over the years? And look at you, you haven't even got a name tag. (laughing) You got no chance. Why don't you just fall down?
(The guard complies.)
Nigel Powers: All right, Dr. Evil, give yourself up while you still got a chance. (handgun chambers behind Nigel) Okay, okay, you got me.
Dr. Evil: Nigel Powers, I'd like you to meet Mini-me.
Nigel Powers: Oh, blimey! (looks down at Mini-me) I thought I smelled cabbage.
Dr. Evil: Take him away!
Goldmember: Uh-uh, Dr. Evil, can I paint his yoo-hoo go-o-l-l-l-d? It's kind of my thing, ya know?
(Dr. Evil pilots his chair over to Goldmember, and swivels it to look at Goldmember.)
Dr. Evil: How 'bout no, you crazy Dutch bastard!

View Quote Goldmember: Would you like a smoke and a pancake?
Austin: ... What?
Goldmember: A smoke and a pancake. You know, a flapjack and a cigarette? No?
Austin: [shakes head]
Goldmember: Cigar and a waffle? No?
Austin: [shakes head]
Goldmember: Pipe and a crepe? No?
Austin: [shakes head]
Goldmember: Bong and a blintz?
Austin and Nigel: No.
Goldmember: Well, then there ish no pleashing you.
Austin: That's not right.

View Quote Goldmember: [picking skin off his back] Ooh yes. Yes-yes-yes-yes. This is a keeper.
Dr. Evil: All right, you're not going to put that skin in your mouth, are you?
Goldmember: [eats piece of skin]
Dr. Evil: You did. Okay, that's just gross.
Mini-Me: [cringes and shakes head]
Goldmember: [clapping] Yes, salty. Yes, that was good.

View Quote [{}=Japanese translations]
Mr. Roboto: {I am president of Roboto Industries. My name is Mr. Roboto.}
Austin Powers: Domo arigato, Mr.Roboto. {Thank you, Mr. Roboto} [to audience] I thank you.
Foxxy Cleopatra: {Thank you for seeing us on such short notice.}
Austin Powers: [to Foxxy] You speak Japanese?
Foxxy Cleopatra: A little.
Austin Powers: Well, you might be a cunning linguist but I'm a master debater. [Both laugh, then, seriously, to Mr. Roboto] I'm looking for my father. He was kidnapped.
Mr. Roboto: {Please eat some shit.}
Austin Powers: Please eat what?!
Foxxy Cleopatra: Wait. [Removes white cups revealing rest of subtitle] He said "Please eat some shitake mushrooms."
Austin Powers: Tell me. What do you know ... about my father's where...about...s?
Mr. Roboto: Hm. [Walks over to bookcase which contains white books] {Your ass is happy.}
Austin Powers: "Your ass is happy?!"
Foxxy Cleopatra: No. [Pulls down a bookcase cover] He said "Your assignment is an unhappy one."
Austin Powers: Oh!
Mr. Roboto: [to Japanese woman dressed in white] {I have a large rod.} [Japanese woman gasps]
Austin Powers: Nice potty-mouth, dirt bag!
Mr. Roboto: [Repeats line and moves away from woman, revealing I have a large rodent problem.]
Austin Powers: Oh.
Mr. Roboto: {A little off the topic but unfortunate nonetheless.}
Austin Powers: Yes. Very off-topic, thank you very much.
Mr. Roboto: Why don't I just speak in English?
Austin Powers: That would be a good idea now wouldn't it? That way, I wouldn't misread the subtitles, making it look like you're saying things that are dirty. [smiles]
[Later]
Austin Powers: By the way, {I do have a large rod...I wish.}

View Quote Dr. Evil: [To Austin from inside a cell] Quid pro quo.
Austin Powers: [Confused] Yes, squid pro row.

View Quote Austin Powers: Mole!
Basil Exposition: Oh, shut up!
Austin Powers: [As Basil and the Mole walk out] Moley, moley, moley, moley, moley!

View Quote Japanese Man 1: Run! It's Godzilla.
Japanese Man 2: It looks like Godzilla, but due to International Copyright Laws, it's not.
Japanese Man 1: Still, we should run like it is Godzilla!
Japanese Man 2: Though it isn't.
[Both scream and run]

View Quote Young Dr. Evil: (Checking the class rankings) Hey everybody, I'm #1!
Young Number 2: Hello. I'm Number 2.
Young Dr. Evil: Pleased to meet you Number 2. I'm #1. *evil laugh*
Young Number 2: *evil laugh*
Both: *evil laugh*

View Quote Dr. Evil: Our early attempts at a tractor beam went through several preparations. Preparations A through G were a complete failure. But now, ladies and gentlemen, we finally have a working tractor beam, which we shall call... Preparation H!!
Scott laughs.
Dr. Evil: What?
Scott: Why don't you just call it Operation Ass Cream, ass?
Dr. Evil: I-I'm sorry, did you want some ice cream?
Scott: Yes, I'd love some chocolate ass cream.
Dr. Evil: Perhaps later.
Number Two: Dr. Evil, I love your plan.
Dr. Evil: Yah, eh?
Frau: Ja, Doctor. It's a really good plan.
Dr. Evil: Yes Frau, on the whole, I think Preparation H feels good.
Scott starts chuckling uncontrollably.
Dr. Evil: (irriated) What is it now?
Scott: No, nothin'. You know what, I agree. Preparation H does feel good...on the hole.
Dr. Evil: Well, I'm glad were sprechen sie the same lingidy... yah. Ladies and Gentlemen, using my time machine, I shall travel back to 1975, pick up Goldmember, and bring him back to the future. And the best part of the plan is, no one can stop me...not even... Austin Powers. Muh-huh-huh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Others (except Scott): Huh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Austin Powers: Not so fast.
Several British SAS forces storm the room.
Austin Powers: You're surrounded, Dr. Evil.
Dr. Evil: Shit.

View Quote Goldmember: Not so fast, shmarty-pants. Dr. Evil, you might not want to deschtroy the world, but I dooooooo... Preparation H goes ahead as planned. I'm going to flood the Earth!
Foxxy: Think again, Goldmember.
Goldmember: Ahh, Foxxy Cleopatra; it is a shame I had to kill your partner. Too bad for you-u-u!
Foxxy: Too bad for me? How about too bad for you (holds the gold tractor beam key over the shark tank which has sharks with lasers on their frickin' heads).
Goldmember: (in terror) Ho-no!
(Foxxy drops the key into the tank.)
Goldmember: No-ho-ho! No-ho-ho-ho! (composes himself) Luckily, I keep a spare.
(Goldmember turns around and removes his genitals with a lot of racheting and twisting.)
Goldmember: Look everyone, my winky was a key!
Nigel Powers: (in contempt) Only a bloody Dutchman!

View Quote From the Movie Austinpussy: Austin (Tom Cruise): Yeah Baby!
Dixie (Gwyneth Paltrow): Hi I'm Dixie, Dixie Normous. I may just be a small town FBI agent slash single mother, but I'm still tough, and sexy.
Austin (Tom Cruise): Well Miss Normous, shall we shag now, or shag later?
Dixie (Gwyneth Paltrow):Oh Austin, Behave!
Dr. Evil (Kevin Spacey): Hey, Powers! You better watch your frigging self because this is one doctor who does make house-calls. Right, mini-me?
Mini-me (Danny Devito): Hey, assholes! I'm right over here! I'm Mini-me! Come and get me! (fires an automatic assault rifle in the air)
Goldmember (John Travolta): Hah-hey, assholes! Do I have time for a last shmoke and a pancake or what? I am from Holland, isn't that a we-e-eird?