Larry: [to Jennings, while high] Okay. That means that our whole solar system could be, like one tiny atom in the fingernail of some other giant being. [Jennings nods] This is too much! That means one tiny atom in my fingernail could be--
Jennings: Could be one little tiny universe.
Larry: Could I buy some pot from you?

Otter: Evening.
Shelly: I'm Shelly Dubinsky, Fawn's roommate.
Otter: I'm Frank Lymon from Amherst, Fawn's fianc?. Actually, we're engaged to be engaged. What's wrong with everyone here?
Shelly: Why don't we sit down, Frank? I don't know how to tell you...so l'll just tell you. Fawn's dead.
Otter: She's dead? [Laughs] Did she put you up to this? That minx. What a lively sense of humour. [Shelly hands him a newspaper clipping] "Sophomore dies in kiln explosion"? Oh, my God!
Shelly: I'm terribly sorry, Frank.
Otter: I just talked to her last week. She was gonna make a pot for me.
Shelly: If there's anything I can do....
Otter: You're so nice. I really shouldn't impose on you.
Shelly: No, really. Anything.
Otter: I don't think I should be alone tonight. Would you go out with me?
Shelly: I'll get my coat.
Otter: And could you get three dates for my friends?

Bluto: Hey! What's this lying around shit?
Stork: Well, what the hell we s'posed to do, you moron?
D-Day: War's over, man. Wormer dropped the big one.
Bluto: Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
Otter: Germans?
Boon: Forget it, he's rolling.
Bluto: And it ain't over now. 'Cause when the goin' gets tough...[pauses to remember the rest of the phrase]... the tough get goin'! Who's with me? Let's go! [runs out, alone; then returns]
Bluto: What the fuck happened to the Delta I used to know? Where's the spirit? Where's the guts, huh? This could be the greatest night of our lives, but you're gonna let it be the worst! "Ooh, we're afraid to go with you Bluto, we might get in trouble." Well, just kiss my ass from now on! Not me! I'm not gonna take this! Wormer, he's a dead man! Marmalard, dead! Niedermeyer—
Otter: Dead! Bluto's right. Psychotic, but absolutely right. We gotta take these bastards. Now we could do it with conventional weapons, but that could take years and cost millions of lives. No, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part.
Bluto: And we're just the guys to do it.
D-Day: Let's do it.
Bluto: LET'S DO IT!!

Boon: Jesus. What's going on?
Hoover: They confiscated everything, even the stuff we didn't steal.
Bluto: They took the bar! The whole fucking bar!
[Otter grabs a bottle of whiskey and throws it to Bluto, who chugs it all]
Bluto: Thanks. I needed that.
Hoover: Christ. This is ridiculous. What are we going to do?
Otter & Boon: Road trip.

Dean Wormer: Greg, what is the worst fraternity on this campus?
Greg: Well that would be hard to say, sir. They're each outstanding in their own way.
Dean Wormer: Cut the horseshit, son. I've got their disciplinary files right here. Who dropped a whole truckload of fizzies into the swim meet? Who delivered the medical school cadavers to the alumni dinner? Every Halloween, the trees are filled with underwear. Every spring, the toilets explode.
Greg: You're talking about Delta, sir.
Dean Wormer: Of course I'm talking about Delta, you TWERP! This year is going to be different. This year we are going to grab the bull by the BALLS and kick those punks off campus.
Greg: What do you intend to do sir? Delta's already on probation.
Dean Wormer: They are?
Greg: Yes, sir.
Dean Wormer: Oh. Then as of this moment, they're on DOUBLE SECRET PROBATION!
Greg: Double Secret Probation, Sir?
Dean Wormer: There is a little-known codicil in the Faber College constitution which gives the dean unlimited power to preserve order in time of campus emergency. Find me a way to revoke Delta's charter. You live next door. Put Neidermeyer on it. He's a sneaky little shit, just like you, right? [Greg nods] The time has come for someone to put their foot down. And that foot is me.

Oh, boy, is this great!!

Neidermeyer: Hi there, fellows. Meet Ken and Lonny.
Larry: Larry.
Neidermeyer: Ken, Lonny, l'd like you to meet Mohammet Jugdish, Sidney and Clayton. Grab a seat and make yourselves at home. Don't be shy about helping yourselves to punch and cookies.

D-Day: Hey, quit your blubberin'. When I get through with this baby you won't even recognize it.
Otter: Flounder, you can't spend your whole life worrying about your mistakes! You fucked up - you trusted us! Hey, make the best of it! Maybe we can help.
Flounder: [crying] That's easy for you to say! What am I going to tell Fred?
Otter: I'll tell you what. We'll tell Fred you were doing a great job taking care of his car, but you parked it out back last night and in the morning, it was gone. We report it to the police, D-Day takes care of the wreck, the insurance company buys your brother a new car.
Flounder: Will that work?
Otter: Hey, it's gotta work better than the truth.
Bluto: [thrusting six-pack into Flounder's hands] My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.
Otter: Better listen to him, Flounder, he's in pre-med.
D-Day: [firing up blow-torch] There you go now, just leave everything to me.

Boon: Jesus Christ! What happened? You look grotesque!
Otter: Some of the Omegas did a little dance on my face.
Boon: Who was it?
Otter: It was Greggie and Douggie...and some of the other Hitler youth.
Boon: What did you do?
Otter: I don't know. They're just animals, I guess.

Dean Wormer: Where are the other two - Stratton and Schoenstein?
Hoover: We can't find them, sir. We looked everywhere, but-
Dean Wormer: Never mind. Did you boys see your grade point averages yet?
Hoover: They're not posted yet, sir.
Dean Wormer: I've seen them. Mr. Kroger, two C's, two D's and an F - that's a 1.2 grade average. Congratulations, Kroger, you're at the top of the Delta pledge class.
[Bluto gives Kroger a congratulatory nudge]
Dean Wormer: Mr. Dorfman.
Flounder: Hellooooo.
Dean Wormer: 0.2. Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son. Mr. Hoover, president of Delta House - 1.6. Four C's and an F. A fine example you set. Daniel Simpson Day has no grade point average. All courses incomplete. Mr. Blu- [looks up to see that Bluto has stuck pencils up his nose] Mr. Blutarsky. Zero POINT zero. Now I want you to tell Mr. Stratton and Mr. Schoenstein exactly what I'm about to tell you right now.
Hoover: And what's that, sir?
Dean Wormer: You're out! Finished at Faber! Expelled! I want you off this campus at 9:00 Monday morning! And I'm sure you'll be happy to know that I have notified your local draft boards and told them that you are now all, ALL eligible for military service.
[Flounder's mouth flutters]
Dean Wormer: Well? [Flounder opens his mouth a bit] WELL? [Flounder opens his mouth some more] OUT WITH IT! [Flounder vomits on Dean Wormer]

Otter: Point of parliamentary procedure!
Hoover: Don't screw around, they're serious this time!
Otter: Take it easy, I'm pre-law.
Boon: I thought you were pre-med.
Otter: What's the difference?
Otter: Ladies and gentlemen, I'll be brief. The issue here is not whether we broke a few rules, or took a few liberties with our female party guests - we did. [winks at Dean Wormer] But you can't hold a whole fraternity responsible for the behavior of a few, sick twisted individuals. For if you do, then shouldn't we blame the whole fraternity system? And if the whole fraternity system is guilty, then isn't this an indictment of our educational institutions in general? I put it to you, Greg - isn't this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do whatever you want to us, but I for one am not going to stand here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America. Gentlemen!
[Leads the Deltas out of the hearing, all humming the Star-Spangled Banner]
Greg: Order!
Dean Wormer: You've done it this time buster! No more Delta! I'm calling the national office! I'm going to revoke your charter! And if you wiseguys do one more thing, one more, I'm going to kick you out of college! No more fun of any kind!

Boon: You going out tonight, Otter?
Otter: Uh-huh.
Boon: Norma?
Otter: No, let me give you a hint. She's got a couple of major-league yabos.
Boon: Beverly!
Otter: No, But you're getting warmer. Let me give you another hint: "Oh God, Oh God, OH GOD!"
Boon: Marlene! You're gonna pork Marlene Desmond!
Otter: Pork?
Boon: You're gonna hump her brains out.
Otter: Boon, I anticipate a deeply religious experience.

Neidermeyer: Dress that line. Dress that line, mister! Dress that line, soldier. Mister, hold my mount. [to Kent] You fat, disgusting slob! You're a goddamned disgrace!
Boon: [watching from afar] A vicious mother, isn't he?
Otter: He can't do that to our pledges.
Boon: Only we can do that to our pledges.
Neidermeyer: [to Kent] Redo those buttons! Dress that belt buckle! Straighten that cap! And goddamn it, tuck up those pyjamas! Attention! Eyes front! What's that on your chest, mister?
Kent: It's a pledge pin, sir.
Neidermeyer: A pledge pin! On your uniform?
...
Neidermeyer: Just tell me, mister, what fraternity would pledge a man like you?
Kent: It's a Delta pin, sir.

D-Day: We have an old saying in Delta House: don't get mad, get even.

Mean dude: Do you mind if we dance with your dates?