Animal House quotes

View Quote Otter: Point of parliamentary procedure!
Hoover: Don't screw around, they're serious this time!
Otter: Take it easy, I'm pre-law.
Boon: I thought you were pre-med.
Otter: What's the difference?
Otter: Ladies and gentlemen, I'll be brief. The issue here is not whether we broke a few rules, or took a few liberties with our female party guests - we did. [winks at Dean Wormer] But you can't hold a whole fraternity responsible for the behavior of a few, sick twisted individuals. For if you do, then shouldn't we blame the whole fraternity system? And if the whole fraternity system is guilty, then isn't this an indictment of our educational institutions in general? I put it to you, Greg - isn't this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do whatever you want to us, but I for one am not going to stand here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America. Gentlemen!
[Leads the Deltas out of the hearing, all humming the Star-Spangled Banner]
Greg: Order!
Dean Wormer: You've done it this time buster! No more Delta! I'm calling the national office! I'm going to revoke your charter! And if you wiseguys do one more thing, one more, I'm going to kick you out of college! No more fun of any kind!

View Quote Dean Wormer: Where are the other two - Stratton and Schoenstein?
Hoover: We can't find them, sir. We looked everywhere, but-
Dean Wormer: Never mind. Did you boys see your grade point averages yet?
Hoover: They're not posted yet, sir.
Dean Wormer: I've seen them. Mr. Kroger, two C's, two D's and an F - that's a 1.2 grade average. Congratulations, Kroger, you're at the top of the Delta pledge class.
[Bluto gives Kroger a congratulatory nudge]
Dean Wormer: Mr. Dorfman.
Flounder: Hellooooo.
Dean Wormer: 0.2. Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son. Mr. Hoover, president of Delta House - 1.6. Four C's and an F. A fine example you set. Daniel Simpson Day has no grade point average. All courses incomplete. Mr. Blu- [looks up to see that Bluto has stuck pencils up his nose] Mr. Blutarsky. Zero POINT zero. Now I want you to tell Mr. Stratton and Mr. Schoenstein exactly what I'm about to tell you right now.
Hoover: And what's that, sir?
Dean Wormer: You're out! Finished at Faber! Expelled! I want you off this campus at 9:00 Monday morning! And I'm sure you'll be happy to know that I have notified your local draft boards and told them that you are now all, ALL eligible for military service.
[Flounder's mouth flutters]
Dean Wormer: Well? [Flounder opens his mouth a bit] WELL? [Flounder opens his mouth some more] OUT WITH IT! [Flounder vomits on Dean Wormer]

View Quote Bluto: Hey! What's this lying around shit?
Stork: Well, what the hell we s'posed to do, you moron?
D-Day: War's over, man. Wormer dropped the big one.
Bluto: Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
Otter: Germans?
Boon: Forget it, he's rolling.
Bluto: And it ain't over now. 'Cause when the goin' gets tough...[pauses to remember the rest of the phrase]... the tough get goin'! Who's with me? Let's go! [runs out, alone; then returns]
Bluto: What the **** happened to the Delta I used to know? Where's the spirit? Where's the guts, huh? This could be the greatest night of our lives, but you're gonna let it be the worst! "Ooh, we're afraid to go with you Bluto, we might get in trouble." Well, just kiss my ass from now on! Not me! I'm not gonna take this! Wormer, he's a dead man! Marmalard, dead! Niedermeyer—
Otter: Dead! Bluto's right. Psychotic, but absolutely right. We gotta take these bas****. Now we could do it with conventional weapons, but that could take years and cost millions of lives. No, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part.
Bluto: And we're just the guys to do it.
D-Day: Let's do it.
Bluto: LET'S DO IT!!

View Quote Bluto: Kroger, your Delta Tau Chi name is Pinto.
Larry: Why Pinto?
Bluto: [burps] Why not?
Kent: What's my Delta Tau Chi name?
Bluto: Dorfman, l've given this a lot of thought. From now on...your name is Flounder.

View Quote Larry: [to Jennings, while high] Okay. That means that our whole solar system could be, like one tiny atom in the fingernail of some other giant being. [Jennings nods] This is too much! That means one tiny atom in my fingernail could be--
Jennings: Could be one little tiny universe.
Larry: Could I buy some pot from you?

View Quote Otter: Evening.
Shelly: I'm Shelly Dubinsky, Fawn's roommate.
Otter: I'm Frank Lymon from Amherst, Fawn's fianc?. Actually, we're engaged to be engaged. What's wrong with everyone here?
Shelly: Why don't we sit down, Frank? I don't know how to tell you...so l'll just tell you. Fawn's dead.
Otter: She's dead? [Laughs] Did she put you up to this? That minx. What a lively sense of humour. [Shelly hands him a newspaper clipping] "Sophomore dies in kiln explosion"? Oh, my God!
Shelly: I'm terribly sorry, Frank.
Otter: I just talked to her last week. She was gonna make a pot for me.
Shelly: If there's anything I can do....
Otter: You're so nice. I really shouldn't impose on you.
Shelly: No, really. Anything.
Otter: I don't think I should be alone tonight. Would you go out with me?
Shelly: I'll get my coat.
Otter: And could you get three dates for my friends?

View Quote D-Day: Hey, quit your blubberin'. When I get through with this baby you won't even recognize it.
Otter: Flounder, you can't spend your whole life worrying about your mistakes! You ****ed up - you trusted us! Hey, make the best of it! Maybe we can help.
Flounder: [crying] That's easy for you to say! What am I going to tell Fred?
Otter: I'll tell you what. We'll tell Fred you were doing a great job taking care of his car, but you parked it out back last night and in the morning, it was gone. We report it to the police, D-Day takes care of the wreck, the insurance company buys your brother a new car.
Flounder: Will that work?
Otter: Hey, it's gotta work better than the truth.
Bluto: [thrusting six-pack into Flounder's hands] My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.
Otter: Better listen to him, Flounder, he's in pre-med.
D-Day: [firing up blow-torch] There you go now, just leave everything to me.

View Quote Dean Wormer: Greg, what is the worst fraternity on this campus?
Greg: Well that would be hard to say, sir. They're each outstanding in their own way.
Dean Wormer: Cut the horseshit, son. I've got their disciplinary files right here. Who dropped a whole truckload of fizzies into the swim meet? Who delivered the medical school cadavers to the alumni dinner? Every Halloween, the trees are filled with underwear. Every spring, the toilets explode.
Greg: You're talking about Delta, sir.
Dean Wormer: Of course I'm talking about Delta, you TWERP! This year is going to be different. This year we are going to grab the bull by the BALLS and kick those punks off campus.
Greg: What do you intend to do sir? Delta's already on probation.
Dean Wormer: They are?
Greg: Yes, sir.
Dean Wormer: Oh. Then as of this moment, they're on DOUBLE SECRET PROBATION!
Greg: Double Secret Probation, Sir?
Dean Wormer: There is a little-known codicil in the Faber College constitution which gives the dean unlimited power to preserve order in time of campus emergency. Find me a way to revoke Delta's charter. You live next door. Put Neidermeyer on it. He's a sneaky little shit, just like you, right? [Greg nods] The time has come for someone to put their foot down. And that foot is me.

View Quote Neidermeyer: Hi there, fellows. Meet Ken and Lonny.
Larry: Larry.
Neidermeyer: Ken, Lonny, l'd like you to meet Mohammet Jugdish, Sidney and Clayton. Grab a seat and make yourselves at home. Don't be shy about helping yourselves to punch and cookies.

View Quote Eric Stratton, rush chairman. Damn glad to meet you.

View Quote Jennings: Now, what can we say of John Milton's Paradise Lost? It's a long poem, written a long time ago, and I'm sure a lot of you have difficulty understanding exactly what Milton was trying to say. Certainly we know that he was trying to describe the struggle between good and evil, right? Okay. The most intriguing character, as we all know from our reading, was...Satan. Now was Milton trying to tell us that being bad was more fun than being good? [no response] OK, don't write this down, but I find Milton probably as boring as you find Milton. Mrs. Milton found him boring too. He's a little bit long-winded, he doesn't translate very well into our generation, and his jokes are terrible. [Bell rings, students rise to leave] But that doesn't relieve you of your responsibility for this material. Now I'm waiting for reports from some of you... Listen, I'm not joking. This is my job!

View Quote Neidermeyer: The following charges are brought: First, that the Delta house did knowingly violate the rules governing pledge recruitment by serving alcohol to freshmen during pledge week and after established drinking hours.
Hoover: I'd like to address these charges one at a time, if l may.
Dean Wormer: You'll get your chance, smart guy. [to Neidermeyer] Get on with it.
Neidermeyer: Second, that for the fifth consecutive semester, Delta has achieved a deficient aggregate grade point average.
Hoover: Half the houses didn't make grades.
Dean Wormer: You will speak when you're told to, and not before! [to Neidermeyer] Read.
Neidermeyer: Third, that the Delta fraternity routinely provided dangerous narcotic diet pills to its members during--
Hoover: That's not true!
Dean Wormer: Not another word!
Neidermeyer: During midterm examination week. And most recently...that a Roman toga party was held from which we have received two dozen reports of individual acts of perversion so profound and disgusting that decorum prohibits listing them here.

View Quote Boon: Jesus. What's going on?
Hoover: They confiscated everything, even the stuff we didn't steal.
Bluto: They took the bar! The whole ****ing bar!
[Otter grabs a bottle of whiskey and throws it to Bluto, who chugs it all]
Bluto: Thanks. I needed that.
Hoover: Christ. This is ridiculous. What are we going to do?
Otter & Boon: Road trip.

View Quote [after the brothers have booed Kent's picture and thrown beer at it] Now wait a minute! Okay, this guy is a real zero. That's true. Think back to when you were freshmen. Boon, you had a face like a pepperoni pizza, right? And Stork here. Everybody thought that Stork was brain damaged. I myself was so obnoxious the seniors beat me up once a week. So this guy is a total loser? Let me tell you the story of another loser... [everyone starts booing and throwing beer at him]

View Quote Otter: [in the supermarket vegetable section] Mine's bigger than that.
Marion Wormer: [looks questioningly at him]
Otter: My cu****ber. It's bigger. I think vegetables can be very sensuous, don't you?
Marion Wormer: No, vegetables are sensual. People are sensuous.
Otter: Right. Sensual. That's what I meant. My name's Eric Stratton. People call me Otter.
Marion Wormer: My name's Marion. People call me Mrs. Wormer.
Otter: Oh, we have a Dean Wormer at Faber.
Marion Wormer: How interesting. I have a husband named Dean Wormer at Faber. You still want to show me your cu****ber?