American Beauty quotes

View Quote This is all I EVER smoke.

View Quote I quit. So you don't have to pay me. Now leave me alone.

View Quote [To Frank, with blood in his mouth] No sir, I won't fight you!

View Quote [To Jane on Ricky] I don't believe him. I mean, he didn't even like, look at me once!

View Quote It's that psycho next door. Jane, what if he worships you? What if he's got a shrine with pictures of you surrounded by dead people's heads and stuff?

View Quote You total slut, you have a crush on him. You're defending him, you love him, you wanna have, like, ten thousand of his babies.

View Quote I don't think that there's anything worse than being ordinary.

View Quote If people I don't even know look at me and want to **** me, it means I really have a shot at being a model.

View Quote [During one of Lester's fantasies] I was hoping you'd give me a bath. I'm very, very dirty.

View Quote I am so sick of people taking their insecurities out on me.

View Quote [To Lester after admitting her virginity] I still want to do it! I just...thought you should know in case you wondered why I wasn't...you know...better.

View Quote In order to be successful, one must project an image of success at all times.

View Quote Brad Dupree: Hey Les, you got a minute?
Lester: For you Brad? I've got five!
...
Ricky: Do you party?
Lester: Excuse me?
Ricky: Do you get high?

View Quote Carolyn: What are you doing?
Lester: Nothing.
Carolyn: You were masturbating!
Lester: I was not.
Carolyn: Yes you were!
Lester: Oh, all right! So shoot me, I was whacking off! That's right, I was choking the bishop, chafing the carrot, you know, saying "hi" to my monster!
Carolyn: Thats disgusting.
Lester: Well forgive me, but some of us still have blood pumping through our veins.
Carolyn: So do I!
Lester: Really? Well I'm the only one who seems to be doing anything about it.
Carolyn: [Gets out of bed and turns on the light] Lester, I refuse to live like this; This is not a marriage.
Lester: This hasn't been a marriage for years, but you were happy as long as I kept my mouth shut. Well tell you what, I've changed, and the new me whacks off when he feels horny, because you're obviously not gonna help me out in that department.
Carolyn: Oh, I see. You think you're the only one who's sexually frustrated here?
Lester: I'm not? Well then come on, baby, I'm ready!
Carolyn: Don't you mess with me, mister, or I'll divorce you so fast it'll make your head spin!
Lester: On what grounds? I'm not a drunk, I don't **** other women, I've never hit you, I don't mistreat you... I don't even try to touch you since you've made it so abundantly clear how unnecessary you consider me to be! But I did support you when you got your license, and some people might think that entitles me to half of what's yours. So, turn off the light when you come to bed!

View Quote Carolyn: [at the dinner table] Your father and I were just discussing his day at work. Why don't you tell our daughter about it, honey?
Lester: Janie, today I quit my job. And then I told my boss to go **** himself, and then I blackmailed him for almost sixty thousand dollars. Pass the asparagus.
Carolyn: Your father seems to think this type of behavior is something to be proud of.
Lester: And your mother seems to prefer I go through life like a ****ing prisoner while she keeps my dick in a mason jar under the sink.
Carolyn: How dare you speak to me that way in front of her. And I marvel that you can be so contemptuous of me, on the same day that you LOSE your job.
Lester: Lose it? I didn't lose it. It's not like, "Whoops! Where'd my job go?" I QUIT. Someone pass me the asparagus.
...
Lester: I am sick and tired of being treated like I don't exist. You two do whatever you want, whenever you want to do it, and I don't complain.
Carolyn: Oh, you don't complain? Then I must be psychotic, then! What is this? Yeah, let's bring in the laugh-meter and see how loud it gets.
Lester: [throws the asparagus plate at the wall] Don't interrupt me, honey!
Lester: [sits back down to eat] Oh, yeah, and one more thing, from now on we're going to have alternate dinner music because frankly - and I don't think I'm alone here - [looks in Jane's direction] I'm tired of this Lawrence Welk shit!