Welcome to America's weirdest home videos.

I didn't mean to scare you. I just think you're interesting.

I'm not obsessing. I'm just curious.

It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. And this bag was, like, dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. And that's the day I realized there was this entire life behind things, and... this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video's a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember... and I need to remember... Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in.

My dad thinks I paid for all this with catering jobs. Never underestimate the power of denial.

[To Angela on Jane] She's not your friend. She's just someone you use to feel good about yourself.

Yes you are. And you're boring. And totally ordinary...and you know it.

[To Frank] What a sad old man you are.

[To Barbara] Mom...I wish things could have been better for you. Take care of Dad.

This is all I EVER smoke.

I quit. So you don't have to pay me. Now leave me alone.

[To Frank, with blood in his mouth] No sir, I won't fight you!