Accepted quotes

54 total quotes

View Quote Later!

View Quote Health insurance my ass! They don't pay for shit. You get sick on a Friday, they only pay from Monday through Thursday. You go to doctor A, they only pay for doctor B. You break your penis, they only fix vaginas!

View Quote What is education? It's paying attention, it's opening yourself up to this great big ball of shit that we call life, and what's the worst thing that can happen? You get bit in the ass! Well let me tell you, my ass looks like hamburger meat, but I can still sit down!

View Quote I want to learn how to blow shit up with my mind

View Quote [blows up Dean Van Horne's car] I told ya.

View Quote [when locked out of SHIT] Is this a test?

View Quote Bartleby: A bird in the hand, dude. A bird in the hands.
Schrader: That doesn't make any sense.

View Quote I'm gonna go enjoy my wad now, okay?

View Quote Legacy!

View Quote This place is awesome, now I can finally get hepatitis.

View Quote Listen guys, there are plenty of successful people who didn't go to college. Albert Einstein. You know? Pocahontas never went to college. Corey Feldman and Corey Haim; they had a great run. Both Lewis and Clark. Suzanne Somers. Bono.

View Quote 'Cause we are SHIT heads now, and we'll be SHIT heads forever and nothing you say can do or stamp can take that away from us!

View Quote (on the idea of South Harmon) Let's start this fake college. Then we'll go start a meth lab somewhere. It's a gateway crime. That's how these things start.

View Quote I hope you guys have hobo stab insurance.

View Quote [screams loudly and high-pitched] It would be really cool if you guys didn't tell anyone I scream like that.