Aunt Helen: You mother has passed on.
Young Gwen: That's okay. Just slap her real hard, and she'll wake up.

Betty: All of these things will be returned to you when you check out. Except for the "Vickodin," which will be flushed. Smile!
Gwen: It's Vicoden.

Bobbie Jean as Deirdre: Falcon, Darien, your lover, is also your sister!
Gerhardt as Falcon: No!
Gwen: [Whispering] It is not possible.
Gerhardt as Falcon: It is not possible!
Oliver as Dr. Griffin: Deirdre, darling, I have some bad news. Your daughter, Darien, Falcon's lover and sister is also carrying my baby.
Bobbie Jean as Deirdre: No!
Gerhardt as Falcon: No!

Bobbie Jean's neck sign: Confront me if I people please.
Gwen's neck sign: Confront me if I don't ask for help.
Roshanda's neck sign for Andrea: Sometimes you gotta kiss ass, before you can kick it.
Gerhardt's neck sign for Andrea: It's the engine that kills ya, not the caboose.
Oliver's neck sign for Andrea: Make love, not war.
Gwen's neck sign for Andrea: Don't ever be someone's slogan, 'cause you are poetry.

Bobbie Jean: Oh! I got and eyelash. Make a wish.
Roshanda: [Sigh] Custody of my kids.
Gerhardt: Sobriety
Roshanda: Oh, come on baby, we all want that. Think of something else.
Gerhardt: My foreskin back. No one asked me before they took it. They just took it.
Oliver: Way to share, Gerhardt, way to share.

Cornell: You know, if your counselor catches you using, you could get kicked out.
Gwen: Yeah, well, I don't plan on discussing it with him.
Cornell: Too late.

Daniel as Announcer: And now, Santa Booze
Gwen as Darien: Oh Falcon, I'm so afraid. When they find I've taken you out of the hospital, mother and Dr. Griffin Hartley are sure to come here. What will we do?
[Gerhardt pulls Gwen across his hospital bed]
Gerhardt as Falcon: If I can't be without you-
Gwen: [Whispering] --with you.
Gerhardt as Falcon: It I can't be with you, I would rather be dead.
[They kiss passionately. Gerhardt pushes her away]
Gerhardt as Falcon: Oh, but dear God, the tiny clusters of tumors in my brain!
Gwen as Darien: Oh God, the tiny little clusters of tumors in his brain, somebody help! Oh, God!

Daniel: You're about as perceptive as Helen Keller.
Imaginary Gwen to Gwen: You know you're screwed. Mm-hmm.
Roshanda: I don't think you have niceness, you see, I don't feel niceness coming from you.
Daniel: Oh, that would be a great idea. You could spread your negativity even further. You know, if you really tried, you could ruin the experience for the entire patient population!
Dr Griffin: What do you want to bet, that child turns out to have a gambling problem?
Oliver: And I'm a patron of the arts and diseases and cures and stuff. That's what I'm spending my money on. So I like to have a little bit of fun.

Eddie: [Carrying Gwen in from outside] Eddie Boone, checking in.
Night Tech: You can't bring a girl into treatment with you, Eddie.
Eddie: I wasn't gonna keep her.

Eddie: He'll get over it. Falcon will be back, better than ever.
Andrea: No, no, Falcon's leaving the show.
Gwen: He's having brain clusters!

Eddie: Nothing personal. I just made myself a little promise: no more endin' up naked with some girl I don't even know what her name is.
Gwen: That's a noble goal and I wish you the very best of luck with it.

Eddie: Well, I'll leave you guys to it then.
Jasper: Well I don't know about that. I mean, let's think this through. I mean, the way I see it, Gwennie, we've got two options here. Scenario number one, we let Eddie from Oklahoma head back to the showers and wash off all that very manly sweat, and you and I can bullshit our way through the afternoon. Or, scenario number two, we can all acknowledge the awkward situation in which we find ourselves!"
Gwen: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Jasper: Well that's a clear vote for scenario number one. How about you, Eddie from Oklahoma? Care to weigh in? Abstaining? Interesting. Well, I guess that leaves only me in favor of calling a spade a spade and saying, "Pardon me, sir, but I'd prefer it if you wouldn't sleep with my fianc?."
Gwen: Jasper!
Eddie: You got the wrong idea, here, pal.
Jasper: Don't call me pal. I mean, I'm not your pal. And don't treat me like an idiot, do me that one courtesy, please, cause I'm not that either. In fact, I've got more brain cells than your entire redneck family, all put together!
Gwen: Jasper don't be a jerk.
Jasper: Gwen, don't be a slut.

Evelyn: We've gotten off track here. Lily. Lily! Think about Gwen's behavior at your wedding, and tell her now, how you feel.
Gwen: Yeah. Lily, how does it make you feel?
Lily: This is just-- This is-- I don't need this... I have a life.
[Lily storms off. Enter flashback, the girls run into the house.]
Young Gwen: Lily, wait for me!
Young Lily: Beat ya.

Gerhardt as Falcon: Oh, but, no! My tumors!
Oliver as Dr. Griffin: It's the, uh, melio-- meli--
Daniel: Melagioma Nestocytroma
Oliver as Dr. Griffin: Well, whatever. Look, there's nothing I can do. [Gerhardt grabs his collar] What-- what are you doing?
Gerhardt as Falcon: It says in the script that we're supposed to kiss.
Oliver as Dr. Griffin: Uh, Andrea, I like ya. Bon voyage. I'm not kissing Gerhardt.

Gwen: Are you always this charming?
Cornell: Do you always use humor to deflect things when you're uncomfortable?
Gwen: Do you always use insight to disarm your new recruits?