Gwen Cummings quotes

Well, there's my excuse. I'm late because my tits caught on fire.

Thank God for bar cars.

[After crashing into Lily's wedding cake and ruining it] Don't worry, I'll replace it. Okay?

[Betty is confiscating inappropriate items from Gwen's bag] An eyelash curler? And what am I going to do with that? Stab myself? Curl my tongue to death?

Yeah, I know I drink a lot, I know I do because I'm a writer and that's what I do, I drink. I'm not like those people out there, I can control myself! I can, if - that - if I wanted to, I could, if I wanted. I can! I can!

You know, your carpet is filthy. And I only bring that up because carpet grit's responsible for a lot of major health problems. And that's the last thing that you need around here is a major health problem.

Um, hey, um, listen, about the um, about that uh, jail thing... I-I-I- I can't. I-I I can't go. Um, uh, well, not because I don't want to go, but, um, it, uh, oh God, my hands, you know, they just keep doing that. That's not normal. I just-- there's something wrong with my hands-- um, well, with me. Cause, uh, what kind of person just jumps out of a- what kind of person jumps out of a window, you know? Because she can't sit still, you know? And be alone and, you know, in a room, without-- You know a person should be able to just be alone, right? You know, human beings should be able to just breathe. I can't breathe. And I feel that I think I know-- I think I know that if I go to jail... like this, you know, I'll die, and, uh, I don't wanna die.

I am having a bad day! The worst damn day of my whole damn life! If it is not too much to ask will you all just back the **** off!

Oh, so our therapist today is a very large, smelly, beast of burden.

I am so tired by the way you people talk. You know, I mean, "one day at a time." What is that? I mean, like two, three days at a time is an option?

I'm not a lesbian!

You don't have to live my shitty little life, and until you do, do not tell me to give up the one person who matters to me, okay! Because, I know, he's not perfect, but he's the one person that will show up, on my birthday, and he'll say, "I'm glad you were born!"

Santa Cruz watcher!

I understand. Marry a cute girl, move to the suburbs, spend your weekends mowing. You'll never want to do coke again.

God, I love afternoons like this. You know what's missing in this afternoon? That I don't have a very dry vodka martini with two olives in a chilled glass. God, I miss that.

Look, I know peoples perceptions of girls who screw other girls' boyfriends. I know what the world's perception is on someone who goes into a bar and realizes five hours later that I've left my three-year-old godson in the back of the car. I mean, people don't like people like that. They don't like-- I don't like people like that.

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