Gwen: Believe it or not, I can make this decision on my own, okay? I don't need your help.
Gerhardt: That's not what your neck sign says.
Gwen: Oh, forget what my neck sign says!

Gwen: From my sister. She's coming to family sessions.
Eddie: That's good.
Gwen: No. I would pay very good money not to hear what she has to say.

Gwen: It's a tautology... it is what it is, be cause it is what it is... Like, why is the sky blue, because it reflects off the ocean, well why is the ocean blue, because it reflects off the sky.
Eddie: Who are you talking to?
Gwen: I don't know

Gwen: Oh my God, what did we do last night?
Jasper: Oh, the usual. Collected money for the poor little homeless children at the church bazaar. I think the vicar must have spiked the kool-aid.

Gwen: That judge totally screwed me!
Jasper: Hey, good morning!
Gwen: This place is horrible. I should have picked that rehab center in the city. People chant.
Jasper: They do what?
Gwen: They chant here. They chant. If they think I'm chanting they've got a whole nother thing coming.
Jasper: Oh, come on, it could be worse. It could be prison.
Gwen: Oh, that's worse?
Jasper: Well, you know, you never hear of anyone being raped with a plunger in rehab.
Gwen: Well, no, you don't hear about it because they cover it up.

Gwen: Why do you want me Jasper? I am such a mess.
Jasper: Maybe I like mess.

Gwen: You don't honestly think I'm going to jail, do you?
Cornell: No? For driving drunk, crashing into a house, knocking over a lawn jockey that could have been a four-year-old child?
Gwen: Yeah, but it wasn't, it was a four-year-old lawn jockey.

Oliver: I like your coat.
Gwen: Thank you.
Oliver: Is that leather?
Gwen: Yes.
Oliver: Not vinyl?
Gwen: Nope.
Oliver: You believe in killing animals?
Gwen: Yes.
Oliver: For clothing?
Gwen: Absolutely.
Oliver: So do I.

Oliver: I'm thinking booze.
Gerhardt: Cocaine
Roshanda: Painkillers.
Bobbie Jean: This is not a nice game.
Oliver: Well?
Gwen: Well what?
Andrea: What's your drug of choice? Alcohol, Cocaine, Percodan, Heroin, Glue?
Gwen: I have to pick just one?

Shop Owner: Sir, I can't replace the plant just because you killed it.
Gerhardt: I did not kill this plant, it was sick or something. I gave it everything. I was talking to it, telling it stories. I drew a sketch of it, and put it on my refrigerator.
Shop Owner: Did you water it?
Gerhardt: I-- I have-- It's important that I did not kill this plant, you understand? So if you're just saying that because that's how you're making your excuse, you have got to understand-- You can't mess with-- I'm never gonna get laid. [Sobs] You obviously don't care. And that's one thing I do, is care. I feel sorry for all the plants in here. I'm going home.

[After Andrea has cut herself]
Andrea: Just so you know, I wasn't trying to off myself or anything.
Gwen: Okay.
Andrea: It's just something I do sometimes.
Gwen: Doesn't it hurt?
Andrea: Feels better.
Gwen: Than what?
Andrea: Everything else.

[Flashback]
Gwen's Mom: You girls are a lot of fun. And that's the most important thing. Cause if you're not having fun, Peanuts...
Young Gwen and Lily together: What's the friggin' point!

[Gwen accidentally pushes the elevator button and it opens to reveal Oliver and an almost naked girl.]
Gwen: Oookay.
Oliver: Going down?
Gwen: Uh-uh.

[Jasper visits Gwen in rehab and brings her Vicodin.]
Jasper: I'm gonna get you out of here.
Gwen: I'm not supposed to leave.
Jasper: You're not supposed to have mommy's little helper in your pocket either.

[After crashing into Lily's wedding cake and ruining it] Don't worry, I'll replace it. Okay?