The Wife 2017 quotes

David Castleman

What? [short pause] What?

Joe Castleman

You've been smoking pot.

David Castleman

No I haven't.

Joe Castleman

Yes you have! I can- [grabs David by the arm, he hits it away] You reek of it!

Joan Castleman

Joe, calm down.

Joe Castleman

No, no, no, no. Look at him. Oh my God, the kid's completely stoned!

David Catleman

Oh, I guess I'm a real embarrassment to you, huh, pop?

Joe Castleman

What kind of hostile crap is that?

Joan Castleman

Joe. David, what's going on?

David Catleman

I don't know, mom. I'm trying to figure out if I've been worshipping at the wrong parental shrine.

Joe Castleman

What the hell are you talking about? [pause] What are you talking about?! Oh my God, the kid's in a mess. What are we gonna do with him?

David Castleman

Nope, I'm not a pronoun, pop. I'm standing right here.

Joe Castleman

Well than talk to me for Christ's sake!

Joan Castleman

Don't shout at him.

Joe Castleman

Yes, I will! We're late! We're supposed to be in the limo, and already he's spoiling my night with his **** bullshit--

David Castleman

Is it?!

Joe Castleman

Is it what?!

David Castleman

Your night?! Because according to your biographer this could all be some brilliant fraud.

Joe Castleman

What biographer?

David Castleman

That guy on the plane, with the glasses and the hair. Andy Warol with--

Joan Castleman

Nathaniel Bone?! He's not my **** biographer! What are you talking about?!

David Castleman

Well, he was in the bar last night.

Joan Castleman

What did he say to you?

David Castleman

He said that I shouldn't measure myself against my venerable father's success because there is in fact a theory, that you, my mother, the real genius of the family.

Joan Castleman

That's ridiculous.

David Castleman

Why would he make such a twisted thing up?

Joe Castleman

David, he's out to get me, cause I won't authorise his hack-job on my life. Don't be an idiot, David.

David Castleman

I'm not an idiot!

Joe Castleman

All right.

David Castleman

Why would you call me that?!

Joe Castleman

Okay, calm down.

David Castleman

But of course, if what he said is true, than I really really would be a **** idiot wouldn't I?!

Joe Castleman

David, look I hate to state the obvious, but I think the pot is making you paranoid.

David Castleman

I'm not **** paranoid!

Joan Castleman

David. Nathaniel Bone is an insidious man. He had no business saying those kinds of things to you.

David Castleman

He said you had a drink with him too. Did you?

Joan Castleman

I did. He approached me in the lobby, I thought it would be unwise to rebuff him.

David Castleman

He said that you confessed.

Joan Castleman

Confessed what?

David Castleman

He said that you ghost write dad's books.

Joan Castleman

I never said that!

David Castleman

Do you?

Joan Castleman

No, David, I do not.

David Castleman

I don't believe you...

Joan Castleman

Well, darling, I can't make you believe me. You know, you have to decide what you believe yourself.

Joe Castleman

David, it's all lies. It's **** outrageous.

David Castleman

Dad, why were you always closing the door on me, huh? With her inside? When I was young? What the **** was she doing in there?

Joe Castleman

What are you talking about?

David Castleman

The **** door to your office! It was always being slammed in my face with her inside!

Joe Castleman

Your mother was proofreading.

David Castleman

Proofreading?!

Joe Castleman

Uh-huh.

David Castleman

I don't **** believe you! You asked mom "Who the hell is Sylvia Fry?!" [pause] You don't even know who your **** characters are!

Joe Castleman

All right, now that's enough now, David--

David Castleman

No, **** you! **** you! [grabs his father by the coat, pushes him to the wall] **** you! You enslaved my mother!

Joe Castleman

David! David! No, David!

Joan Castleman

Stop it, David! David! Calm down. Your father doesn't control me.

David Castleman

It's all so **** up...

Joe Castleman

Listen, Joanie. [fixes himself a drink] Listen, there is nothing horrible, or shameful, or immoral about what we do. We're writing partners. And as we've created a beautiful body of work together--

Joan Castleman

You edit, Joe. That's all you do. I'm the one who sits at that desk eight hours a day.

Joe Castleman

Is that the way you see it? Really? What, all these years, you've been sitting in some giant store of resentment? And what about all the years I've been uh, rubbing your back, bringing you tea, cooking you dinner, watching the kids so you could work without distraction? You don't think that with times when it killed me, that you were the one with the golden touch? You think I wake up every morning feeling even remotely proud of myself? But have I ever said "I'm done with this marriage. I'm walking away?"

Joan Castleman

No, you had affairs.

Joe Castleman

Oh God... And I've regretted every **** one of them!

Joan Castleman

Oh, yeah, right. You'd sob in my lap, and you'd beg me to forgive you, and I always would because, you know, somehow you convinced me that my talent made you do it.

Joe Castleman

Oh, shit...

Joan Castleman

And then when I was too angry or too furious or too hurt to write you it, give me one of your famous back rubs and you'd say "Use it, Joanie. Use it."

Joe Castleman

I never said that.

Joan Castleman

Oh, yes you did.
Joe Castlemann I never said--

Joan Castlemann

Yes you did! Lucky for me I had somewhere to put it. I mean, critics love the image of Sylvia Fry, you know, scrubbing the tear stains out of her dress. They just love that, another Castleman masterpiece. Your chest had swelled when you read me those reviews. It actually swelled. And rather than being outraged, and rather than thinking about what this all was doing to our kids, I would watch you and I'd say "Oh my God, how can I - how can I capture that - that behaviour? How can I put all that in words?" And you know what? I did. I did right here. [walks over to a small shelf of Castleman books] Right here. [takes out a book] Yeah, another Castleman masterpiece. [throws it on the ground] Oh, and uh, let's see. Uh, this one I wrote after you screwed uh, who was it? Oh yeah, our third nanny! [throws it on the ground]

Joe Castleman

God. [picking up the books] This book has nothing at all to do with the **** nanny!

Joan Castleman

Oh, yes it did. It's on every single page.

Joe Castleman

These are my stories. My culture, my family, my ideas!

Joan Castleman

My words! My pain! My spending hours alone in that room turning your appalling behaviour into literary gold!

Joe Castleman

What compelling ideas did you ever **** have?! You were nothing but a privilege, prissy little co-ed! The only decent story you ever wrote alone was about Carol! You stole from my life even then!

Joan Castleman

Shame on you, Joe.

Joe Castleman

You loved holding up in the village with the big bad Jew, huh? You loved making your parents skirm. You got the literary life, and the house by the sea, hm? You loved getting the nice clothes and the travel and all the privileges without ever having to marry some schmuck from a brokerage firm! You got it all, my girl!

Joan Castleman

Well, you can have it back. I don't want it.

Joe Castleman

What are you doing?

Joan Castleman

I'm uh, spend the night in David's room and then when I get home, I'm gonna call a lawyer.

Joe Castleman

This is ridiculous. Joanie, we got kids, hm? We got a grandchild. We've got friends we've known for years who are gonna start dying on us one by one. Where you gonna be, hm? You're gonna be living alone feeling brave? Is that what you want? Joanie, don't walk away from me-- DON'T WALK AWAY FROM ME, GODDAMMIT!

Joan Castleman

Don't touch me!

Joe Castleman

Don't touch you?!... Joanie, we gotta talk this through!

Joan Castleman

I can't do it anymore, Joe. I can't do it. I can't take it. I can't take the humiliation of holding your coat and arranging your pills, and picking the crumbs out of your beard, and being shoved aside with all the other wives who talk about some goddamn shopping trip, while you - while you say to all the - the gathering sycophants, that your wife doesn't write?! [pause] Your wife! Who just won the Nobel Prize?!

Joe Castleman

So, if I'm such an insensitive and talentless **** piece of shit. Why the **** did you marry me? Hm?

Joan Castleman

Oh God, Joe...

Joe Castleman

No, I really wanna know. Why did you marry me?

Joan Castleman

... I don't know. I can't think anymore...