Andrew No.
Andrew My, uh, dad's a writer.
Andrew Uh, I guess he's more of a teacher, really.
Andrew Pennington High School.
What about your mother, what does she do?
Andrew I don't know, she left when I was a baby.
So no musicians in the family. [Andrew shakes his head] Well, you've just got to listen to the greats then. Buddy Rich, Jo Jones. You know, Charlie Parker became Bird because Jones threw a cymbal at his head. See what I'm saying?
Andrew Mm-hm.
Listen, the key is to just relax. Don't worry about the numbers, don't worry about what the other guys are thinking. You're here for a reason. You believe that, right?
Andrew Yeah.
Andrew I'm here for a reason.
Cool. All right, man. Have fun.
Why do you suppose I just hurled a chair at your head, Neiman?
Andrew I... I don't know.
Andrew The tempo.
Were you rushing or were you dragging?
Andrew I don't know.
[Fletcher rushes to the kit and stares Andrew in the face]
Start counting.
Andrew Five, six--
In four, damn it! Look at me.
Andrew One, two, three, four-- [Fletcher slaps him] ...One, two, three, four-- [slap] ...One, two, three...
Now, was I rushing or was I dragging?
Andrew I don't know.
Andrew One, two, three, four-- [slap] ...One, two, three, four-- [slap] ...One, two, three...
Andrew Rushing.
So you do know the difference! If you deliberately sabotage my band, I will **** you like a pig. Now are you a rusher, or are you a dragger, or are you gonna be ON MY **** TIME?!
Andrew I'm gonna be on your time.
[points to sheet music]
What does that say?
Andrew Quarter note equals 215.
Andrew One, two, three, four, one, two, three, four...
Jesus **** Christ! I didn't know they allowed **** into Shaffer! Am I to understand that you cannot read tempo? Can you even **** read music?! What is that?
Andrew Eighth note.
Andrew Dotted sixteenth note.
Andrew Bop-bop-ba-bop-ba--
What, are you in a **** a cappella group? Play the goddamn kit! [Andrew drums the measure] Stop. Now answer my question: were you rushing, or were you dragging? [Andrew doesn't respond] ANSWER!!!
Andrew Rushing.
[sees Andrew shed a tear]
Oh, my dear God. Are you one of those single tear people? Do I look like a double **** rainbow to you? You must be upset. Are you upset?
Andrew No.
No? So you just don't give a shit about any of this?
Andrew I do give a shit about this.
So, are you upset? Yes or **** no? [Andrew nods yes] Yes, you are upset.
Andrew Yeah.
Andrew I'm upset.
Say it so the whole band can hear you.
Andrew I'm upset!
Andrew [loud]
I'm upset!
Andrew [louder]
I'M UPSET!
You are a worthless, friendless, ****-lipped little piece of shit whose mommy left daddy when she figured out he wasn't Eugene O'Neill, and who is now weeping and slobbering all over my drum set like a **** nine-year old girl! So for the final, FATHER-**** TIME, SAY IT LOUDER!!!
Andrew [at the top of his lungs]
I'M UPSET!!!
Carl. [Carl takes Andrew's place at the drums as Fletcher goes back to compose the band] Start practicing harder, Neiman.
Carl A janitor? FIND THE **** FOLDER! A **** JANITOR?! YOU’RE A DUMB ****! A DUMB ****!!!!
Jesus **** Christ, where have you been?
Carl We have an issue.
Okay, now is not the time.
Carl I gave Neiman the folder and Neiman lost it.
Carl Yes.
The folder is your **** responsibility, Tanner. Why would you give it to Neiman? Right? You give a calculator to a **** **** he's gonna try to turn on a TV with it. Now get your sticks and get your ass on stage.
Carl I-- I can't.
Carl I-- I can't go onstage. I don't know the charts by heart.
Carl I-- [stammers] You know this. I need the music. It's my memory, I need visual cues.
Carl Yes, it's a medical condition--
A medical condition? What are you, **** Sanjay Gupta? Play the goddamn music.
Carl I can't.
Andrew I can.
You know "Whiplash" by heart?
Andrew Yes, sir. Every measure.
All right. Well, you better **** hope your memory doesn't fail you. And I hope you play it a whole lot better than you did last month in rehearsal, because I do not intend to start losing now. Get your sticks and get your sticks and get your **** ass onstage. [to band] Onstage!
Uncle Frank You got any friends, Andy?
Andrew No.
Uncle Frank Oh, why's that?
Andrew I don't know, I just never really saw the use.
Uncle Frank Well, who are you going to play with otherwise? Lennon and McCartney, they were school buddies, am I right?
Andrew Charlie Parker didn't know anybody 'til Jo Jones threw a cymbal at his head.
Uncle Frank So that's your idea of success, huh?
Andrew I think being the greatest musician of the 20th century is anybody's idea of success.
Jim Dying broke and drunk and full of heroin at the age of 34 is not exactly my idea of success.
Andrew I'd rather die drunk, broke at 34 and have people at a dinner table talk about me than live to be rich and sober at 90 and nobody remembered who I was.
Uncle Frank Ah, but your friends will remember you, that's the point.
Andrew None of us were friends with Charlie Parker. That's the point.
Uncle Frank Travis and Dustin? They have plenty of friends and plenty of purpose.
Andrew I'm sure they'll make great school board presidents someday.
Dustin Oh, that's what this is all about? You think you're better than us?
Andrew You catch on quick. Are you in Model UN?
Travis I got a reply for you, Andrew. You think Carleton football's a joke? Come play with us.
Andrew Four words you will never hear from the NFL.
Aunt Emma Who wants dessert?
Jim Hear from Lincoln Center?
Andrew I'm just gonna lay it out there. This is why I don't think we should be together. And I've thought about it a lot and this is what's gonna happen. I'm gonna keep pursuing what I'm pursuing. And because I'm doing that, it's gonna take up more and more of my time. And I'm not gonna be able to spend as much time with you. And when I do spend time with you, I'm gonna be thinking about drumming. And I'm gonna be thinking about jazz music, my charts, all that. And because of that, you're gonna start to resent me. And you're gonna tell me to ease up on the drumming, spend more time with you because you're not feeling important. And I'm not gonna be able to do that. And really, I'm gonna start to resent you for even asking me to stop drumming. And we're just gonna start to hate each other. And it's gonna get very... It's gonna be ugly. And so for those reasons, I'd rather just, you know, break it off clean... because I wanna be great.
Nicole And you're not?
Andrew I wanna be one of the greats.
Nicole And I would stop you from doing that?
Andrew Yeah.
Nicole You know I would stop you from doing that. You know, for a fact?
Andrew Yes.
Nicole And I'd barely see you anyway?
Andrew Yeah.
Nicole And when I do see you, you'd treat me like shit because I'm just some girl who doesn't know what she wants. And you have a path, and you're gonna be great, and I'm going to be forgotten, and therefore you won't be able to give me the time of day because you have bigger things to pursue?
Andrew That's exactly my point.
Nicole What the **** is wrong with you? You're right, we should not be dating.
Andrew Hey. Hey, sorry I'm late.
Well, glad you could fit us into your busy schedule, darling.
Andrew I know. Look, I'm sorry I'm late, but I'm here. I'm ready to go.
Connolly's playing the part.
Andrew Yeah, like **** hell he's playing my part.
What the **** did you just say to me?
Andrew It's my part.
It's my part and I decide who to lend it to. Usually it's somebody that has **** sticks.
Andrew [Andrew realizes he left his drumsticks behind]
I left them in the car, I'll be right back. Take me five minutes.
I'm warming up the band now.
Andrew Look, I can use Ryan's sticks.
Neiman, you lost the **** part.
Andrew No, I didn't! Look, you can't **** do this to me!
Andrew Yeah!
When did you become a **** expert on what I can or cannot do, you **** weepy willow shitsack?
Andrew I earned that part.
You never earned anything. God, you are a self-righteous prick. The only reason you are a core is because you misplaced a folder. The only reason you're in Studio Band to begin with is because I told you exactly what I'd be asking for in Nassau! Am I wrong?
Andrew Yeah, yeah. I'm in studio band because I'm the best player...
Ryan [interrupts]
Hey, why don't you just back off, bro?
Andrew Hey, you know, **** off, Johnny Utah! Turn my pages, bitch!
Hey, I can cut you any **** time I want.
Andrew You would've cut me by now.
Try me, you **** weasel! At 5:30, that's in exactly 11 minutes, my band is onstage. If your ass is not on that stool with your own **** sticks in hand or you make ONE **** MISTAKE, ONE, I will drum your ass back to Nassau where you can turn pages until you graduate or **** drop out! By the time you're done at Shaffer, you're gonna make Daddy look like a **** success story. Got it? Or, we can let Johnny Utah play the part. You choose.
Andrew It's my part, I'll be on your stage. [to Connelly] **** you. [runs to get his sticks]
You got 10 minutes **** pathetic pansy ass fruit****!
L Lawyer
Does the name Sean Casey mean anything to you? You know of his death? Last month, he hanged himself in his apartment.
Andrew What does that have to do with me?
L Lawyer
Sean suffered from anxiety and depression. His mother claims this started during his time as Fletcher's student. Now, the Casey's aren't wealthy, they don't want to file suit.
Andrew So, what do they want?
L Lawyer
To make sure that Terence Fletcher is never allowed to do this to another student.
Andrew He didn't do anything.
Jim What is wrong with you? It's over, okay? He's out of your life. Why would you let him get away with what he did to you?
L Lawyer
Would you characterize his conduct as extreme, Andrew? Did he ever intentionally inflict emotional distress? This would not be a public hearing, you know. Fletcher would never know it was you who spoke up.
Andrew Why would you do this to me?
Jim Do you think that I would let him put my son through hell, and then just walk away scot-free? Don't you know I would never let that happen? That there is nothing in the world more important to me than you? Don't you know that?
L Lawyer
[long pause]
Andrew?
Andrew Just tell me what to say.
I don't know if you heard. I'm not at Shaffer anymore.
Andrew Yeah, I did hear that. Did you quit?
Not exactly. Some parents got a kid from Sean Casey's year, I think, to say some things about me. Although why anybody would have anything other than peaches and cream to say anything about me is a mystery. [Andrew chuckles] That's a good laugh, right?
Andrew I'm sorry.
No, listen-- I get it. I know I made enemies. I'm conducting a little, though. They brought back the JVC Fest this year. They got me opening in a couple weeks with a pro band.
Andrew That's great.
Yeah. It's all right. Truth is, I don't think people understood what it was I was doing at Shaffer. I wasn't there to conduct. Any **** moron can wave his arms and keep people in tempo. I was there to push people beyond what's expected of them. I believe that is... an absolute necessity. Otherwise, we're depriving the world of the next Louis Armstrong. The next Charlie Parker. I told you that story about how Charlie Parker became Charlie Parker, right?
Andrew Jo Jones threw a cymbal at his head.
Exactly. Parker's a young kid, pretty good on the sax. Gets up to play at a cutting session, and he ****s it up. And Jones nearly decapitates him for it. And he's laughed off-stage. Cries himself to sleep that night, but the next morning, what does he do? He practices. And he practices and he practices with one goal in mind: never to be laughed at again. And a year later, he goes back to the Reno and he steps up on that stage, and plays the best mother**** solo the world has ever heard. So imagine if Jones had just said, "Well, that's okay, Charlie. That was all right. Good job." And then Charlie thinks to himself, "Well, shit, I did do a pretty good job." End of story. No Bird. That, to me, is an absolute tragedy. But that's just what the world wants now. People wonder why jazz is dying. I tell you, man, and every Starbucks "jazz" album just proves my point, really - there are no two words in the English language more harmful than "good job".
Andrew [pause]
But is there a line? You know, maybe you go too far, and you discourage the next Charlie Parker from ever becoming Charlie Parker?
No, man, no. Because the next Charlie Parker would never be discouraged.
Andrew Yeah.
The truth is, Andrew, I never really had a Charlie Parker. But I tried. I actually **** tried, and that's more than most people ever do. And I will never apologize for how I tried.
Carl I need to look at the music.
Andrew Oh yeah, it's right here. [He turns around to realize the folder is not where he left it]
Carl Why isn't it on you?
Andrew [Confused]
Where's the folder?
Carl You're joking, right?
Andrew I- no- no, I literal- no, I s- I swear I just had it here two seconds ago-
Carl I don't know-
Andrew It's gotta be around here somewhere. Did you see-
Carl [Angry]
How could you be so **** stupid?
Andrew I don't know, maybe a janitor came by or something-
Carl A janitor? [Desperate] FIND THE **** FOLDER! A **** JANITOR?! YOU'RE A DUMB ****! A DUMB ****! FIND THE FOLDER!
Andrew I'm sorry-
