Anton, Werewolf Leader
Hey hey hey. Don't swear. We're werewolves, not Swear-Wolves. What are we?
Werewolves
Werewolves, not Swear-Wolves.
What We Do in the Shadows quotes
Page 1 of 2Yeah, but Vampires love Wesley Snipes.
I think we drink virgin blood because it sounds cool.
I think of it like this. If you're going to eat a sandwich, you would just enjoy it more if you knew no one had **** it.
Let us do the 'Procession of Shame' now.
Viago, Deacon, Vladislav
[cut to Viago, Deacon, and Vladislav walking around and pointing at Nick]
Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Bad Vampire.
The neighbours can see you flying around the house. Do you want to draw attention to this house, hmm?
You've got a whole documentary group following you around.
I'm doing an erotic dance for my friends. You ruined it. I was in the zone. My friends were loving it.
Twilight!
Shut up, Nick! You're not Twilight.
Jackie [interrupts]
Yes.
Umm, no.
Jackie [to Nick]
You were a virgin when we were seeing each other.
Yeah, I was 12.
The point is, Deacon, you have not done the dishes for 5 years!
Vladislav is right, it's unacceptable to have so many bloody dishes all over this bench like there.
I'm so embarrassed when people come over here.
Why does it matter? You bring them over, you kill them! Vampires don't do dishes!
[Nick and Deacon quarrel, Nick runs away by turning into a bat, Deacon chases after him by also turning into a bat]
Ooh! Bat Fight!
[about Stu]
At first I wanted to kill him, but now I'm glad I spent time to get to know him.
[eats a french fry and begins to puke in the alleyway]
I can't eat solids now. Great. What, I can't sunbathe? I can't watch daytime TV? I can…well I guess I could. More than even just the chips. My favourite food. I can't eat chips. It's– I don't– It's just– I hate– I say it. I'm over being a vampire. It's shit, so don't…don't believe the hype.
[reading text message from Viago]
One message received. [turns around startled to find nothing] "Ther iz a crucifx behind you".
[talking about re-uniting with his now-elderly love, Katherine]
Some people freak out a bit about the age difference. Uhh… they think 'What's this 96-year-old lady doing with a guy 4 times her age?'.
[telling a group of strangers]
The movie 'Twilight'. Have you seen it? Okay, I'm the main in 'Twilight'. You know the main guy? 'Twilight'? That's me.
[to Nick]
This is what happens when you're a vampire. You have to watch everyone die. Your mother and father. All your friends. Sometimes brutal, like slipping and falling onto a giant spike. Or falling asleep in an autumn pile of leaves and having some of them block your windpipe. Or making the simple mistake of fashioning a mask out of crackers and being attacked by ducks, geese, swans. Or even dying of old age, but even old age is brutal. Watching your friends grow old. They can't piss, and they say stupid things, and their brains go, and they can't remember anything. And then one day they can't even remember who you are, and you wish they were dead, and then they do die.