Clarissa quotes from What a Girl Wants (2003)

Clarissa

That girl is totally barbaric!

Clarissa

Maybe someone should've put a cork in it seventeen years ago.

Clarissa

Oh, very you, lovely. So Henry asked us to give you a few pointers, didn't he? Well, pointer number 1: go home. Mother and I belong here and it's quite clear you just don't fit in. And pointer number 2: while you're packing, keep your grimy little Yankee paws off Armistead Stuart, he's mine.

Clarissa

Seems you had a better time in Morocco than you let on

Clarrisa

Oh, very you, lovely. So Henry asked us to give you a few pointers, didn't he? Well, pointer number 1: go home. Mother and I belong here and it's quite clear you just don't fit in. And pointer number 2: while you're packing, keep your grimy little Yankee paws off Armistead Stuart, he's mine.

Daphne

If you take your nose out of the air for one second you'll see you're designer, I'm vintage. You've got a mansion, I've got a five floor walkup. You're a snotty little miss cranky pants and I go with the flow, so why would you ever think for one second that I'd ever have the same taste in guys? So here's a little pointer for you. Get over yourself and stop trying to be my daddy's little girl because I'm not going anywhere

Glynnis

I'll put a cork in it, Clarissa.

Clarissa

Maybe someone should have put a cork in it seventeen years ago.

Glynnis

Now Daphne, we don't want to make a scene now, do we?

Libby

Take your hand off my daughter or you won't get a scene, you'll get a Broadway Musical!

Henry

I think I owe you a rather large apology.

Libby

Do you think I've waited 17 years for an apology?

Henry

You like co-co pops?

Daphne

Dude, its chocolate. Need I say more?

Glynnis

Darling, darling, all I'm saying is before we let this hypothetical daughter blow your political career out of the water, we might at least consider doing some checking up on her

Henry

Now, checking up for what?

Glynnis

I don't know... criminal record, blood type, triple sixes on her scalp

Henry

Glynnis, she has a birth certificate, she has my photograph and she has my eyes.

Henry

I'm not explaining this very well, am I?

Daphne

No, not really. But I'm having fun watching you try.

Daphne

Hey! What are you doing here?

Ian

You know, just another one of my glamorous jobs.

Daphne

Oh!

Clarissa

Did you see that?

Glynnis

What?

Clarissa

An impossibly large bird falling off that wall.

Glynnis

Are you hallucinating?
[Waves her hand in front of her face]

Henry

For me, it's just a stop on the campaign trail, and for Glynnis it's a chance to launch Clarissa on society.

Daphne

Launch her? You make her sound like a ship.

Henry

No, in Clarissa's case it's more like an intercontinental ballistic missile

Henry

So are you and Daphne...

Ian

Eloping together. Yeah. I realize it's a bit sudden but after last night, there was really no turning back.

Henry

You are joking aren't you?
Ian" Yes, of course.

Glynnis

These eggs are positively glacial. When I run this house, senile servants will be the first thing to go.

Clarissa

You'd have to get around the old bat somehow. She'd never allow it.

Jocelyn Dashwood

Anyone seen my pruning shears? The old bat seems to have forgotten where she put them.

Alistair

Are you out of your mind? I have done everything in my power to get you to this position, and I will not let you throw it all away!

Henry

Alistair, you've lied to me, I know you lied to Libby, so forgive me if I don't give a flying fart in space what you think.

Alistair

Libby?! I stopped you from ruining your life! I saved your family's reputation! When I found out that that girl was pregnant, I knew I was doing the right thing.

Henry

You knew about Daphne?

Alistair

Of course I knew. It's my job to know.

Clarissa

Grandpa! Are you okay? This is horrible.

Alistair

Do shut up!

Glynnis

Henry, darling! Henry! I know Daddy's been naughty, but what about me?

Henry

You'll survive.
[Glynnis becomes heartbroken and devastated. Henry makes his way outside.]