[Mark and Spud are both drinking out of the same milkshake]

Good luck, Spud.

Cheers, cowboy.

Now remember, if they think you're not trying, you're in trouble, right? First hint of that, and they'll be onto the D.H.S.S., "This **** is not trying." And your giro's ****in' finished, right?

Right.

But, then again, try too hard--

You might get the ****in' job. [Chuckles]

Exactly.

Nightmare.

It's a tightrope, Spud. It's a ****in' tightrope.

See, I just get pure shy with the interviewer cats. I get all nervous. I can't answer any of their questions, like I'm a footballer... and I get nerves on the big occasion, man.

Try some of this, Spud. [Produces a folded up paper of a stimulant powder]

Yeah, a little dab of speed is just the ticket, mate.
...

[Spud is in a chair sitting unusually far away from a table of 3 interviewers, talking hyper energetic and fast paced]

No, I went Craignewton. I just put down Royal Edinburgh College to help get the job. There's too much discrimination in this town, they're both schools, right? We're all in this together. And I wanted to put across the general idea, rather than the details. Like people get all hung up on details. Like which school did I go to? How many grades did I get? Could be like six. Could be none. It's not important. What is important is that I am, yes?

Mr. Murphy, do you mean that you lied on your application?

No. Well, yes. Only to get my foot in the door. Showing initiative and that like.

But you were referred here by the Department of Employment. There was no need for you to get your "foot in the door," as you put it.

Yeah, cool. Whatever you say. Sorry. You're the man, the dude in the chair. I am merely here-- Like, well, obviously, I'm here like, but--

Mr. Murphy, what exactly attracts you to the leisure industry?

In a word... [Glances at wall, then back at them] pleasure. Like, my pleasure in other people's leisure.

Do you see yourself as having any weaknesses?

Oh, yes, 'cause, like, I'm a bit of a perfectionist, actually! Yes, I am. See, for me, it's got to be the best, or it's nothing at all. Like things get a bit dodgy, I just cannot be bothered. But, hey, I'm getting good vibes about this interview thing today though, man. Seems to me like it's going pretty well, eh?

Thank you, Mr. Murphy.

We'll let you know.

[Spud runs up to interviewers]

The pleasure was mine, man.

[narrating]

Spud had done well. I was proud of him.

[Spud shakes hands with the interviewers in a overly confident and playful way]

Thanks. Ooh, sorry.

He **** up good and proper. You had to hand it to Spud.