Most scenes together: Renton & Diane (7), Renton & Begbie (4), Diane & Begbie (3)
Did you bring the cards?
What?
The cards, the last thing I told you was to mind the cards!
Well, I've not brought them.
It's **** boring after a while without the cards.
I'm sorry.
Bit **** late, like.
Why didn't you bring them?
'CAUSE I **** TOLD YOU TO BRING THEM, YOU DOSS ****!
...Christ.
Look, I'm not a **** buftie, and that's the end of it!
Well, let's face it, it could've been wonderful.
**** listen to me, you piece of junkie shit. A joke's a **** joke. You mention that again, and I'll cut you up! [he pins the knife to the wall, close to Renton's midsection]
Dear Mark, I'm glad you've found a job and somewhere to live. School is fine at the moment. I'm not pregnant, but thanks for asking. Your friend Sick Boy asked me last week if I would like to work for him, but I told him where to go. I met Spud, who sends his regards, or at least I think that's what he said. No one seen Tommy for ages, and finally, Francis Begbie has been on television a lot this week, as he is wanted by the police, in connection with an armed robbery in a jewellers in Corstorphine. Take care. Yours with love, Diane.
Armed robbery? What? With a replica? I mean, how can it be an armed robbery with a **** replica? **** scandal. And the gear? Look! Supposed to be **** solid silver, it's **** garbage. There's young couples investing their hopes in that stuff and all.
It's a scandal, Franco.
Too **** right that is!
And I don't want any pot noodles, by the way. I'm **** Lee Marvin (i.e. starving).
Hello there, Mark. What are you doing? You didn't tell me you were a thief.
Spud Hey, go easy, lady. The boy's got a habit to support.
Opium doesn't just grow on trees, you know.
It's certainly a phenomenon in all walks of life.
What do you mean?
Well, at one time, you've got it, and then you lose it, and it's gone forever. All walks of life: George Best, for example. Had it, lost it. Or David Bowie, or Lou Reed.
Lou Reed, some of his solo stuff's not bad.
No, it's not bad, but it's not great either. And in your heart you kind of know that although it sounds all right, it's actually just shite.
So who else?
Charlie Nicholas, David Niven, Malcolm McLaren, Elvis Presley . . .
OK, OK, so what's the point you're trying to make?
All I'm trying to do, Mark, is help you understand that The Name of The Rose is merely a blip on an otherwise uninterrupted downward trajectory.
What about The Untouchables?
I don't rate that at all.
Despite the Academy Award?
That means **** all. It's a sympathy vote.
Right. So we all get old and then we can't hack it anymore. Is that it?
Yeah.
That's your theory?
Yeah. Beautifully **** illustrated.
Gonna get it right this time. Gonna get it sorted out, get off it for good.
Swanney I've heard that one before.
The Sick Boy method.
Swanney Well, it nearly worked for him, hey.
Well, he's always been lacking in moral fiber.
Swanney He knows a lot about Sean Connery.
That's hardly a substitute.
What's on the menu this evening, Sir?
Your favorite dish.
Excellent.
Your usual table, Sir.
Oh, why thank you.
Would Sir care to pay for his bill in advance?
No. Stick it on my tab.
Ah, regret to inform, sir, credit limit was reached and breached quite some time ago.
Oh, well in that case...
Ah, hard currency! Thank you, Sir! Can't be too careful these days! Would Sir care for a starter of some garlic bread perhaps?
No, thank you. I will proceed directly to the intravenous injection of hard drugs, please.
We'll help you son. You'll stay here with us, till you get better. We're gonna beat this together.
Maybe I-- Maybe I should go back to the clinic?
No. No clinics, no methadone. That only made you worse, you said so yourself. You lied to us son, your own mother and father!
You could bring us some jellies.
No! You're worse coming off that than you are with the heroin. Nothing at all.
It's a clean break this time.
You're staying here, where we can keep an eye on you.
I appreciate what you're trying to do. I really do, but I just need one more score like. Just bring me one more hit. I need one more **** hit! You ****!
Well, that's a good **** laugh, ain't it? You sweat that shite out of your system, 'cause I'll come back and it's still here, I'll **** kick it out. Okay?
Getting out much, Tommy?
Tommy No.
Following the game at all?
Tommy No.
Nah, me neither, really.
Tommy Did you take the test?
Aye.
Tommy Clear?
Aye.
Tommy That's nice.
I'm sorry, Tommy.
Tommy Got any gear on you?
No, I'm clean, man.
Tommy Well, sub us then, mate. I'm expecting a rent check.
Tommy Thanks, Mark.
No bother. No bother. None at all. Not for me, anyway. Still, it's easy to be philosophical when other poor **** with shite for blood.
Clear enough, Missh Moneypenny! This should preshent no shignificant problemsh!
For a vegetarian, Rents, you're a ****in' EVIL shot!
Are you clean?
Yes!
Is that a promise, then?
Yes it is, as a matter of fact!
Calm down, I'm only asking. Is that hash I can smell?
No.
I wouldn't mind a bit if it is.
Well, it isn't.
Smells like it.
You're too young.
I'm too young for what?
You're not getting any younger, Mark. The world is changing. Music's changing, even drugs are changing. You can't stay here all day dreaming about heroin and Ziggy Pop.
It's Iggy Pop.
Whatever. I mean, the guy is dead anyway.
Iggy Pop is not dead. He toured last year. Tommy went to see him.
The point is, you've got to find something new.
Spud Cheers, cowboy.
Now remember, if they think you're not trying, you're in trouble, right? First hint of that, and they'll be onto the D.H.S.S., "This **** is not trying." And your giro's ****in' finished, right?
Spud Right.
But, then again, try too hard--
Spud You might get the ****in' job. [Chuckles]
Exactly.
Spud Nightmare.
It's a tightrope, Spud. It's a ****in' tightrope.
Spud See, I just get pure shy with the interviewer cats. I get all nervous. I can't answer any of their questions, like I'm a footballer... and I get nerves on the big occasion, man.
Try some of this, Spud. [Produces a folded up paper of a stimulant powder]
Spud Yeah, a little dab of speed is just the ticket, mate.
...
Spud No, I went Craignewton. I just put down Royal Edinburgh College to help get the job. There's too much discrimination in this town, they're both schools, right? We're all in this together. And I wanted to put across the general idea, rather than the details. Like people get all hung up on details. Like which school did I go to? How many grades did I get? Could be like six. Could be none. It's not important. What is important is that I am, yes?
Mr. Murphy, do you mean that you lied on your application?
Spud No. Well, yes. Only to get my foot in the door. Showing initiative and that like.
But you were referred here by the Department of Employment. There was no need for you to get your "foot in the door," as you put it.
Spud Yeah, cool. Whatever you say. Sorry. You're the man, the dude in the chair. I am merely here-- Like, well, obviously, I'm here like, but--
Mr. Murphy, what exactly attracts you to the leisure industry?
Spud In a word... [Glances at wall, then back at them] pleasure. Like, my pleasure in other people's leisure.
Do you see yourself as having any weaknesses?
Spud Oh, yes, 'cause, like, I'm a bit of a perfectionist, actually! Yes, I am. See, for me, it's got to be the best, or it's nothing at all. Like things get a bit dodgy, I just cannot be bothered. But, hey, I'm getting good vibes about this interview thing today though, man. Seems to me like it's going pretty well, eh?
Thank you, Mr. Murphy.
We'll let you know.
Spud The pleasure was mine, man.
Spud Thanks. Ooh, sorry.
He **** up good and proper. You had to hand it to Spud.
This was typical of Mikey Forrester. In the normal run of things, I would have nothing to do with the ****. But this was not the normal run of things.
What the **** are these?!
Mikey Forrester Opium suppositories. Ideal for your purposes. Slow release. Bring you down gradually. Custom **** designed for your needs.
I want a **** hit!
Mikey Forrester That's all I've got, matey. Take it or leave it.
Mikey Forrester Aye, you feel better the now right?
Oh, yeah, for all the good they've done me, I might as well have stuck them up my arse!
Excuse me, excuse me. I don't mean to harass you, but I was very impressed with the capable and stylish manner in which you dealt with that situation. I was thinking to myself, now this girl's special.
Thanks.
What's your name?
Diane.
Where are you going, Diane?
I'm going home.
Where's that?
It's where I live.
Great.
What?
I'll come back with you if you like, but I'm not promising anything.
Do you find that this approach usually works? Or, let me guess, you've never tried it before. In fact, you don't normally approach girls, am I right? The truth is that you're a quiet, sensitive type. But if I'm prepared to take a chance, I might just get to know the inner you: witty, adventurous, passionate, loving, loyal... Taxi! ...a little bit crazy, a little bit bad. But, hey, don't us girls just love that?
Eh?
Well... what's wrong, boy? Cat got your tongue? [enters taxicab]
You getting in or not, pal?
[Renton gets into taxicab]
Dealer So, how much would you like for this?
20,000.
Dealer Well, I don't think it's worth more than 15.
This was a real drag to him. He didn't need to negotiate. I mean, what the **** were we going to do if he didn't buy it? Sell it on the streets? **** that.
Well... 19.
Dealer Terribly sorry, I can't go to 19.
Dealer Okay. "Well, ****in' 16" it is, then.
At, or around this time, Spud, Sick Boy and I made a healthy, informed, democratic decision to get back on heroin as soon as possible.
