A character in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

April O'Neil quotes from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

Judith Hoag

Tied for 8th most-quoted character in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990): in 11 of its 92 quotes
Most scenes with: Donatello / Donnie (3), Michelangelo / Mikey (2), Donatello (2)

A line from April O'Neil

And then there's Casey Jones, a 9-year-old trapped in a man's body. He might almost be cute if it wasn't for that pigheadedness.

More lines from April O'Neil

2 quotes
April O'Neil
[Opening Lines]

Much more than just a series of small, isolated incidents, it's now apparent that an organized criminal element is at work. And at the moment, business is good. So good in fact that there appear to be no eyewitnesses to any of these crimes. With complaints ranging from purse snatching to breaking and entering, police switchboards have been swamped with the angry voices of more and more citizens who have fallen prey to the recent surge of crime that continues to plague the city. Instead of getting better, things are actually getting worse. Even more alarming is the baffling and often bizarre nature of these crimes. Merchandise of every size and description, from skateboards to stereo systems, has been disappearing from store shelves and storage areas at an alarming rate. Even the victims themselves rarely catch a glimpse of the thieves. Many don't even know they've been victimized until it's too late. In fact, police have yet to come up a single eyewitness. Only a few vague reports of young boys or teenagers at the scenes have been filed, but whoever is behind these crimes, one thing is certain, these are much than just a series of random isolated incidents. Crimes without criminals? An invisible gang at work? Who are we gonna call? Unfortunately, the police are the only ones to combat what some are already dubbing "The Silent Crime Wave", but perhaps the most disturbing silence is that coming from city hall. April O'Neil, Channel 3 Eyewitness News.

April O'Neil
[to Chief Sterns]

Would you mind repeating it, in English, perhaps?

Scenes with April O'Neil

8 scenes
April

Is Raph coming back?

I'm sure he'll be back any minute.....
[An unconscious Raphael is thrown through the window, landing at Donatello's feet]

We are presently executing a plan of redeployment that will minimize response time while maximizing coordination between patrol units in a decentralized networking scheme.

April
[not understanding what he meant]

Huh. I'm not sure I understood all of that, Chief Sterns. Would you mind repeating it, in English, perhaps?

[April is called into Sterns' office]

O'Neil! Get in here!

April
[sighs, to the technician]

Time me.

[tired of her constant investigation]

Just what is it that you hope to accomplish out there, besides busting my chops?!

April

I think you know just as much as I do about the Foot Clan, and I don't think you're doing anything about it.

[getting increasingly agitated]

You expect me to waste precious manpower because some immigrants are reminded of something that supposedly happened years ago in Japan?!

April
[sarcastically]

Have you got something else?

[angrily screams]

ARE YOU TRYING' TO TELL ME HOW TO DO MY JOB?!?!

Technician
[April runs out of Sterns' office in fright as the door slams shut behind her]

1:07, a new record.

April
[races down into the subway only to discover she just missed her train; scoffs in annoyance]

Great, just great. [proceeds to wait for the next train, but senses she's not alone. She turns and gasps, seeing a small group of Foot Clan ninjas there]

Foot Clan Ninja #1

We've been waiting for you, Ms. O'Neil.

April
[trying to act brave]

What? Am I behind on my Sony payments again? [laughs nervously]

Foot Clan Ninja #1

Your mouth may yet bring you much trouble, Ms. O'Neil. I deliver a message. [he extends his hand as if to give her something, only to slap her on the cheek] Shut it.

April
[after the Turtles have escorted her home]

I'd like to invite you all in, but really I don't have anything to offer you guys, except for, uh, frozen pizza.

Mikey
[excitedly hops up out of the manhole]

Let's go for it!

Donnie
[pops his head up out of the manhole mere moments after Mikey]

You said the magic word.

April
[stunned]

You guys eat pizza?

Mikey and Donnie
[simultaneously]

Doesn't everybody?

April

Will I ever see you guys again?

Mikey

Indubitably!

Well, that depends on how fast you stock your pizza.

April

Hasn't Raph been gone a long time?

Donnie

Nah, he does it all the time. He likes it.

April
[scene cuts to Raph being assaulted by the Foot.]

Are you sure?

Donnie

Ah, don't worry. He'll probably be back any minute.

April
[An unconscious Raph is thrown through the skylight, landing at Donnie's feet] [worriedly]

Raph! Is he--?

[checking Raph's pulse]

No, he's alive, barely.

April
[softly]

Oh, God.

April

What did you do, did you take classes in insensitivity?!

Hey, I was just trying to break it to you easy.

April

Oh, well, you failed miserably!

Hey, Broadzilla, you wouldn't even be standing here if it weren't for me, OK?

April

And what do you want, do you want a 'thank you'?

No, it's me who should thank you for that privilege, right?

April

Fine!

Yeah.

April

Thank you.

No, thank you!

April

You're welcome!

You're welcome! [they each march to their separate rooms slamming the doors behind them]

Gosh, it's kind of like Moonlighting, isn't it?

Other characters in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

More Judith Hoag characters