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Ted: I saw Lori leaving the apartment with Rex.
John: What?
Ted: I'm serious, John. I went over to talk to her and maybe take some of the heat off you, and there he was, picking her up. They were going to the Hatch Shell.
John: You're ****ing unbelievable, you know that? I mean, how stupid do you think I am? If you think, by making shit like that up, you're gonna make me choose some kind of loyalty to you over her, you're out of your ****ing mind...
Ted: Johnny, it's the truth, I'm telling you.
John: You know what? Get outta here...
Ted: You're acting like a ****, you know that?
John: What now?! I'm acting like a ****?!
Ted: Yes, you are. So shut your meat hole for a second and listen to me.
John: Huh?
Ted: Meat hole. No, that's not right, is it? No. Pudding hole? Is that what they say? No, that can't be that either right? Because, "'cause how can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?!" Heh, Pink Floyd. Look, the point is you're blaming me for something that you did to yourself. Lori was right about you. You cannot take responsibility for anything that goes on in your life.
John: Oh, and you can?
Ted: I don't have to! I'm a ****ing teddy bear! You know something? I didn't tie you up and drag you to that party. Alright? I wanted you to come because you're supposedly my best friend!
John: You can't stand there and say you haven't always seen Lori as a threat to our friendship! I mean, it works out so much better for you when you and I are getting ****ed up on the couch at 9 AM, doesn't it?!
Ted: Listen to yourself! What am I, Emperor Ming here controlling your mind? That's your choice, John! And you know, by blaming me, you're just making yourself look like a pussy.
John: [Angered] You know, sometimes I think back to that Christmas morning when I was 8 years old, I wish I just got a Teddy Ruxpin.
Ted: Say that one more time.
John: TEDDY-RUX-****ING-PIN!
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