Andy Washburn Everyone has their weaknesses, okay! Superman has Kryptonite. Indiana Jones has snakes. You know? Whitney Houston has Bobby Brown...or vice versa.
Played by Jimmy Fallon 
Taxi (2004) · 33 quotes
Taxi (2004) · 33 quotes
Most-quoted character in Taxi (2004): in 21 of its 33 quotes
Most scenes with: Belle (8)
You didn't see my nads, did ya?
More lines from Andy Washburn
7 quotes Andy Washburn Andy Washburn [From Outtakes] (voice distorted from laughing gas)
I sound like Barry White's illegtimate white grandson.
Andy Washburn I'm not a very good driver!
Andy Washburn I remember savin' this one, I remember savin' this one. Oh, hey, Jesse!
Andy Washburn You calm down now, lady!
Andy Washburn (to Belle while on stakeout)
So, you got guy problems, huh? Overheard you and your man on the phone. Want a little bit of wisdom from the man side? I'll give it to you. Men, are like cats, you know? Sure, we'll play with the ball of yarn, unless you want us to play with the ball of yarn. Trick is, hide the ball of yarn. (laughs) But, don't hide it where you can't find it, you know? "Hey what's the ball of yarn doin' in the fridge?" Whatever, you know what I'm sayin'?
Andy Washburn (singing)
This will be an everlasting love!
Scenes with Andy Washburn
13 scenes Andy (after hearing about a robbery on the walkie-talkie) (to a car)
Freeze! Offical police business! I'm gonna need-
Andy (the car tries to halt but instead swerves into a parked car. Another car, following close behind, hits it. Soon there is a major car pile up.) (seeing the wreakage, takes off)
Andy (holding badge)
Hey! See this? This is a badge, okay? That means you're not allowed to SCREAM AT ME!
Lieutenant Martha Robbins
Washburn, you took a cab to a robbery? You thought that was okay?
Andy W-well, yeah.
Lieutenant Martha Robbins
You drove your wheels through a bodega, and you killed Detective Manuel's parrot.
Andy Detective Manuel knew what he was risking when he took the parrot on the stakeout.
Lieutenant Martha Robbins
(scoffs)
I don't believe you.
Andy So ridiculous. Of all pets, I mean. Its the one that talks.
Andy (with fake Cuban accent)
You guys are ever in Havana, you give me a call, okay? We'll have some tequila, cerveza. You know? Okay? Mi casco es su casco.
Man
(suspiciously)
What part?
Andy Uh, you ask me where I'm from?
Man
Yeah. What part?
Andy What part am I from? (stalling) Uh, what part of Havana?
Man
Yeah.
Andy You now, on the-uh, I live around the corner of uh, uh...Castro Street.
Man
(looks at Andy then at his cohorts)
Show's over, pig!
Andy (Shootout begins, Andy and partner flee) (to partner, while running down stairs)
How can there not be a Castro Street in Cuba? That's insane!
(to Lieutenant Martha Robbins and FBI Agent Mullins)
Ballistic test?! On what? We already know who shot my cab. (referring to Andy) It was that stupid idiot right there with that dumb look on his face.
Andy That's not fair. Agent Mullins wasn't even on the scene
Andy All I have to go on is the M.O., modus operandi. That's police jargon for-
Andy Right. Whatever. It's both.
Hey, why are we not doing this at the station?
Andy Sometimes a good cop's got to bend the rules so that laws don't get broken. You know what I'm sayin'? I'm not afraid to live outside the law.
Andy (Two of the bank robbers are arguing in Portuguese)
What are they sayin'?
The redhead is sayin' she doesn't want to kill a cop. So, if we just play it cool then they'll leave us here tied up.
Andy Okay. Okay. I'll play it cool. Play it cool. (winks)
Okay. Hey...what was that wink for?
Andy Shh. Hey, trust me.
No, no, no, no, no, man. What was that about?
Andy Shh. Trust me. Trust me.
Trust you?
Andy Yeah.
Trust you? Hell no. Uh-uh. No way. (to bank robbers) Hey! Excuse me! Excuse me! Don't mean to interrupt. He's gonna do something. He just winked at me.
Andy Hey, what's wrong with you?
What's wrong with me?
Andy Yeah!
Uh, I got a problem getting SHOT! (to red-headed bank robber) Did you frisk him?
Red-headed Bank Robber (**** gun and point it at Andy)
Si.
Bell
Well frisk his ass again! He got at least one more gun on him. Cavity-search him!
Andy I do not! (to robbers) I swear!
He's got a gun and he's gonna use it! He's crazy.
Andy Whose side are you on?
MINE!
Andy's Mom (to Andy)
Where's my Daewoo. Andy, did you do something to my car?
Andy (sees Belle mocking him behind his mother)
Don't!
Andy's Mom Andy. (grabs Andy's face and lifts it to hers) Look at me, my darling. You didn't drive it through another bodega, did you?
That was you?! It was you! You was on the cover of the Post. You killed that parrot.
Andy (embarrased)
Mom, what did I tell you about talkin' official police business, all right?!
Andy's Mom Well, Andy's not a very strong driver. See, he had a really bad experience when he had his first driving lesson.
Andy Driving lesson?! You call that a driving lesson?
Andy's Mom Mm, yes!
Andy Dad let go of the wheel and said: "You better steer or else you're gonna kill the whole family"!
Andy's Mom Yeah. It was good for you.
Andy We were going 90. I was six!
Andy's Mom That's right. And that's the way he taught you to swim.
Andy I can't swim either!
Stop playing! You live next door to your mom?
Andy It makes her feel safe.
She's must not've seen you in action.
What kind of grown-ass man live ten feet away from his mom?
Andy I wouldn't talk so much Isabelle Precious Williams
Who told you about my name?
Andy It's in your record. Precious. (mocking) My Precious.
Go ahead. Say it again. Say it again, and see what happens. I dare you. (Andy doesn't say anything else. Belle turns over and falls asleep)
Andy (quietly)
Precious.