Melanie Carmichael Like I could tip a cow BY MYSELF!
Most-quoted character in Sweet Home Alabama (2002): in 26 of its 49 quotes
Most scenes with: Jake Perry (9), Bobby Ray (2)
The truth is I gave my heart away a long time ago, my whole heart, and I never really got it back.
More lines from Melanie Carmichael
11 quotes Melanie Carmichael Melanie Carmichael Look at you, you have a baby... In a bar.
Melanie Carmichael You dumb stubborn redneck hick.
Melanie Carmichael Well, you must be Jake's hot date. I'm Melanie, Jake's snotty Yankee bitch wife whom he refuses to divorce.
Melanie Carmichael [Drunk, at the bar]
Oh Bobby Ray....why don't you just go to a gay bar.
Melanie Carmichael You're the first boy I ever kissed, Jake, and I want you to be the last.
Melanie Carmichael [After punching Kate]
Nobody talks to my mama like that!
Melanie Carmichael [On seeing her father in his Confederate uniform]
Christ Almighty, Daddy, how am I gonna explain you in New York?
Melanie Carmichael [Seeing her father in his Confederate uniform, leaving to go to 'battle']
"People need a passport to come down here."
Melanie Carmichael [after leaving Andrew at the altar as a thunderstorm is approaching]
Hey, y'all! If you're friends of the bride, stick around! I'm gonna go find me a groom!
Melanie Carmichael [final line]
Hey, Stella! Make it a slow one.
Scenes with Melanie Carmichael
14 scenes
Young Melanie
What do you want to marry me for anyhow?
Young Jake
So I can kiss you anytime I want.
Melanie [on her cell phone]
I can't. I'm in Alabama.
Tabatha Wadmore-Smith [in New York]
Oh... my God.
Melanie Well, for starters, you can get your stubborn ass down here and give me a divorce.
Are you shittin' me?
Melanie I never fully understood that expression, but no, I am not shitting you.
Well, how about you say 'Hey there Jake, lookin' good. How's the family?'
Melanie You expect me to say that you look good? What'd, they run out of soap at the Piggly Wiggly since I left?
Melanie And don't even pretend like you missed me.
Oh, I missed you all right, but at this range, my aim is bound to improve.
What the hell is this? Chick food?
Melanie Light beer. Less calories.
Whatever blows your dress up, darlin'. You go right ahead and spend your money.
Melanie Oh, but darlin', I thought you said we should think of it as "our money."
Melanie [Jake stops cold]
Just a guess: The words joint checking are flashing in your head right now.
Now, what'd I ever do to you?
Melanie Oh, you didn't do anything to me, darlin'... or any other girl in town!
Lurlynn You know he went up there?
Melanie Who? Jake?
Lurlynn I'm not supposed to know but Clinton let it slip once.
Melanie When?
Lurlynn About a year after you left. He told Clinton he'd never seen anything like it. He knew that it would take more than an apology to get you back. He'd have to conquer the world first. He's been trying ever since.
Melanie That's why he kept sending the papers back.
Lurlynn It's funny how things don't turn out...
Melanie ...It's funny how they do
Melanie Bobby Ray it's not like that.
No I'll tell you what it's not like. It's not like Jake's the only one you run out on.
C'mon, I wanna show you something.
Melanie I can't.
Can't? Or won't?
Melanie Both.
The girl I knew used to be fearless.
Melanie The girl you knew didn't have a life.
Guess you better get on with it then.
Melanie Now what kind of wife would I be if I didn't pick up after my husband?
The kind that don't live here.
Melanie What are you doing?
Leavin’, you done it, you should recognize the gesture.
