Miss Teschmacher
Why is it I can't get it on with the good guys?
Played by Valerie Perrine 
Superman (1978) · 52 quotes
Superman (1978) · 52 quotes
Scenes with Miss Teschmacher
5 scenes Miss Teschmacher
Miss Teschmacher
[After Lex caused a cop to get pushed in front of a train]
Sick! Sick. You're really sick!
Lex Luthor
Sick, Miss Teschmacher? When I'm mere days away from executing the Crime of the Century? How do you choose to congratulate the greatest criminal mind on our time? Do you tell me that I'm brilliant? A bit obvious, that, I grant you. Charismatic, then? Fiendishly gifted?
Miss Teschmacher
[laughs]
Try twisted.
Lex Luthor
Miss Teschmacher, you don't know the half of it. [both laugh as Miss Teschmacher begins to search through a cabinet] Get away from there! Hey! I said get away from there!!
Miss Teschmacher
[closes the drawer]
Tell me something Lex, why do so many people have to die for the Crime of the Century?
Lex Luthor
Why? You ask why? Why does the phone always ring when you're in the bathtub? Why is the most brilliantly diabolical leader of our time surrounding himself with total nincompoops?
Otis
[enters the room]
I'm back, Mr. Luthor.
Lex Luthor
Ah yes, Otis, I was just talking about you. You were followed again, weren't you? [Otis spins around, knocking over a lamp] In spite of those catlike reflexes.
Otis
Mr. Luthor? Mr. Luthor, I'm sorry.
Lex Luthor
Otis, is that the newspaper I asked you to get me?
Otis
[looks at the newspaper]
Yeah.
Lex Luthor
Why am I not reading it?
Otis
[thinks for a second]
'Cause I haven't given it to you yet?
Lex Luthor
[smiles]
Right. [snatches the newspaper from Otis' hand and reads it] At last it's official! [shows the front page of the newspaper, the headline reading "TWIN NUCLEAR TESTS CONFIRMED".] Thanks to the generous help of the United States government, we are about to be involved in the greatest real estate swindle of all time!
Miss Teschmacher
Lex, what is this obsession with real estate? All the time-land, land, land.
Lex Luthor
Miss Teschmacher, when I was six years old, my father said to me...
Miss Teschmacher
"Get out!"
Lex Luthor
[laughs]
Nope. Before that...He said, "Son...Stocks may rise and fall, utilities and transportation systems may collapse, people are no damn good, but they will always need land, and they will pay through the nose to get it. Remember", my father said...
Otis
Land.
Lex Luthor
Right. It's a pity he didn't live long enough to see how, from such humble beginnings, I've created this empire.
Miss Teschmacher
An empire? This?
Lex Luthor
Miss Teschmacher, how many other girls do you know who are lucky enough to have a Park Avenue address like this one?
Miss Teschmacher
Park Avenue address? 200 feet below?
Lex Luthor
Do you realize what they're all paying per square foot up there for a few miserable rooms off a common elevator? [in unison with Otis] What more could anyone ask?
Miss Teschmacher
How about...sunshine. A night on the town instead of under it.
Lex Luthor
[Lex Luthor is swimming in his pool, listening to the TV news about Superman]
Miss Teschmacher! Turn it off.
Miss Teschmacher
[lying under sunlamps, turns off the TV]
Lex, what's the story on this guy? Do you think it's the genuine article?
Lex Luthor
If he is, he's not from this world.
Miss Teschmacher
Why?
Lex Luthor
Because, if any human being were going to perpetrate such a fantastic hoax, it would have been me! Otis! My robe!
Otis
Right away, Mr. Luthor!
Lex Luthor
It all fits somehow, his coming here to Metropolis. And at this particular time. There's a kind of cruel justice about it. I mean, to commit the crime of the century, a man naturally wants to face the challenge of the century. [lost in his thoughts, and stops at the top step of the pool where his feet are still submerged]
Otis
Listen, Mr. Luthor, maybe this guy that flies is just sort of passing through, you know? [enters the pool and starts helping Lex on with the robe, but the bottom of it then proceeds to get soaked]
Lex Luthor
[as Otis helps him putting on his robe]
Passing through? Not on your life. Which I would gladly sacrifice, by the way, for the opportunity of destroying everything that he represents. And, Otis, by the way, next time put my robe on AFTER I've left the pool.
Lex Luthor
[Lex Luthor, Miss Teschmacher and Otis are reading a newspaper article titled "I SPENT THE NIGHT WITH SUPERMAN"] [referring to Superman]
Now then...given the location of the galaxy that he mentions, in proximity to our own solar system...it's amazing. AMAZING! But too good to be true!
Miss Teschmacher
It's too good to be true! He's 6'4", has black hair, blue eyes, doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, and tells the truth!
Lex Luthor
Miss Teschmacher, some people can read War and Peace and come away thinking it's a simple adventure story. Others can read the ingredients on a chewing gum wrapper and unlock the secrets of the universe.
Miss Teschmacher
Lex, what has chewing gum got to do with the secrets of the universe?
Lex Luthor
[sighs]
Right, Miss Teschmacher. Right.
Miss Teschmacher
[Lex Luthor has torn a page from a magazine from his library] [reading the article]
A meteorite found in Addis Ababa. I know I'm gonna get rapped in the mouth for this, but so what?
Lex Luthor
So what. You mean, to us, they're just meteorites. Fair enough. But the level of specific radioactivity is so high, to anyone from the planet Krypton, this substance is lethal.
Otis
Wait a minute, Mr. Luthor. You mean, fire and bullets can't hurt this guy, but this stuff here ...
Miss Teschmacher and Otis
[in unison]
...will kill him!
Lex Luthor
Doesn't it give you, like, a shudder of electricity to be in the same room with me?
Miss Teschmacher
Not like the shudder you're gonna get when you try to lay that rock on him. He can see you coming for miles with those super-peepers of his.
Lex Luthor
"Oh, Lord. You gave them eyes, yet they cannot see". Nor can Superman, through lead.
Miss Teschmacher
[understanding]
He can't see through lead!
Lex Luthor
And Kryptonite will destroy him. Any questions, class?
Miss Teschmacher
[thinking to herself]
I wonder what they're wearing in Addis Ababa?
Otis
[looking at the picture in the article]
Looks like a burnoose. [gasps] Are we going to Addis Ababa, Mr. Luthor?
[Lex, in a resigned look, shakes his head, puts his hand to his forehead and closes his eyes]
