Lance Landers quotes from Superhero Movie (2008)

Lance Landers

I'll drive.

Lance Landers

Ah, Rick Riker. How are your parents?

They died violently nine years ago.

Lance Landers

But, otherwise okay?

No, you listen to me! This is the Empire City Times, not some two-bit rag. I want that story on my desk by the end of business tonight or you're fired! [Presses button for another line] Wilkins, I've got tomorrow's editorial: When you sleep with someone, you're sleeping with everyone they ever slept with! Does that make you gay? Yes, yes it does! [hangs up phone and turns to Rick] Who the hell are you?!

Hi i'm Rick Riker, I was wondering if you had a job opening for--

Job?! JOB!? How dare you come in here and ask me for a job! I've turned down millions of saps like you, and i'll turn down a million more. I'm the editor-in-chief! I can start fires with my mind. I know the mayor of Venus! Hamburgers can see the future! Rosie O'Donnell is-[carried out of the office by two men]

Sorry about this. We share the building with a mental hospital.

Dr. Whitby

She can't walk, she can't talk. She has no control over her bowels.

That's terrible!

Dr. Whitby

I know. I went ahead and set up a MySpace account for her under "Crazyshitmachine" [Rick looks at him, appaled]. She already has 40 friends.

Hello, Rick.

Who are you and how do you know my name?

I'm a psychic.

Prove it.

Think of any number between one and a million and I'll tell you what it is.

Nine.

Not out loud, dumbass! Come with me, you dumb son-of-a-bitch.

The lady was badly hurt.

How was she hurt?

Badly!