Stardust 2007 quotes

Bishop

To the new King of Stormhold. Whichever of you fine young men it might be.

To the new King of Stormhold. [They acknowledge him and drink. The bishop's face contorts and he collapses, dead. They look uncomprehendingly at their cups, and then eye each other suspiciously. Tertius breaks the atmosphere with a laugh, then chokes and dies]

Septimus

You-

Septimus

You really thought you were king?

Primus

You killed the bishop.

Septimus

No, Primus, I think you'll find that you killed the bishop by drinking from the wrong cup. [Primus looks crestfallen] Oh look, once you've finished wrestling with your conscience, I suggest you return to your chamber. Leave the quest for the stone to me.

Ditchwater Sal

Who goes there? What do you want with me, a poor old flower—

Lamia

Oh do shut up. I know what you are, and I swear by the ordinances of the Sisterhood to which we both belong, that I mean you no harm this day. I wish to share your meal.

Dunstan

I thought I heard you come in. [notices Tristan is holding some ice against his eye.] What happened? Are you hurt?

Tristan

No, I'm fine.

Dunstan

Humphrey again?

Tristan

No, actually, it was the Guard. The Guard of the Wall.

Dunstan

Tristan, he's ninety-seven years old.

Tristan

Well, that's given him plenty of time to practice then, hasn't it?

Lamia

Limbus grass! You dare to steal truth from my lips by feeding me limbus grass! Do you have any idea what a big mistake you've made, Ditchwater Sal?

Ditchwater Sal

How do you know...? Who are you?

Lamia

Look again. [eyes darken]

Ditchwater Sal

I shall not seek the star, Your Dark Majesty, I swear.

Lamia

Seek all you wish. You shall not see the star, touch it, smell or hear it. You shall not perceive her even if she stands before you. [looks down to see that her arm has aged. She sighs] Pray you never meet me again, Ditchwater Sal.

Lamia

You better be telling me the truth, you two-faced dog.

Ferdy

I can get you one of them. Very good guard dogs; they can watch the front and the back at the same time.

Secundus!

Secundus

Sextus, Quartus, Quintus, you're alive! [the three shake their heads] Oh. I'm-

Sextus

-stuck like this until the new king is crowned.

Secundus

I was that close.

Quartus

Least you haven't lost your looks. [he, Quintus and Sextus snicker]

Secundus

Oh, please, you're not annoyed about that whole murder thing, are you? I'm mean, that was ten years ago.

Quartus

Yeah, great deal of good it did killing me, didn't it, Secundus? Because now, of course, you are King of all Stormhold. Oh, sorry, wait, you're dead.

Septimus

Una?

Una

Septimus!

Sister!

Tertius

Hey! Guys, you gotta come and see this!

Secundus

No thank you.

Quintus

Pervert.

Tertius

Suit yourselves. [grins]

Tristan

Mother? Oh! Oh, Mother. I'm so sorry. Are you all right?

Yvaine

No, I'm not, and I'm not your mother, so get off me!

Tristan

You're not my mother?

Yvaine

Do I look like I'm your mother?

Tristan

Excuse me, but have you seen a fallen star anywhere?

Yvaine

You're funny.

Tristan

No, I'm serious. We're in a crater; this must be where it fell.

Yvaine

Yeah, this is where it fell. It is. Or, if you want to be really specific, up there is where this weird, bloody necklace came out of nowhere and knocked it out of the heavens when it was minding its own business. And over there is where it landed. And right here, this is where it got hit by a magical, flying moron!

Tristan

What the hell did you do?!

Yvaine

What did I do? What did you do?! "Think of home", that was a great plan! You thought of your home and I thought of mine, and now we are halfway between the two!

Tristan

Oh, you stupid cow! Why did you think of your home for?!

Yvaine

You just said "home"! If you wanted me to think of your home, you should've said!

Tristan

Some crazy lady was going to cut your heart out, and you wanted more specific instructions?! Perhaps you would like it in writing, or a diagram maybe!

Tristan

You sort of glitter sometimes. I just noticed it. Is it... is it normal?

Yvaine

Let's see if you can work it out for youself. What do stars do?

Tristan

Hmm.... Attract trouble?

Tristan

All right, I'm sorry. Let me do another guess. Is it: Do they know exactly how to annoy a boy called Tristan Thorn?

Yvaine

You've got a Babylon candle?

Tristan

Yeah, I have a bubbling candle.

Yvaine

A Babylon candle.

Tristan

That's what I said.

Yvaine

You said "bubbling."

Captain Shakespeare

Oh, it works every time. An ounce of bargaining, a pinch of trickery, a soupcon of intimidation — et voila! The perfect recipe for a towering reputation without ever having to spill one drop of blood. Ever tried to get bloodstains out of a silk shirt? Nightmare!

Captain Shakespeare

I'm taking the girl to my cabin, and mark my words, anyone who disturbs me for the next few hours will get the same treatment. [Crewman: "What, you'll...?"] No, you idiot, I'll sling you over the side as well!