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Stardust (2007)

Stardust (2007) quotes

52 total quotes

Captain Shakespeare

View Quote Bishop: [toasting the princes] To the new King of Stormhold. Whichever of you fine young men it might be.
The Princes: To the new King of Stormhold. [They acknowledge him and drink. The bishop's face contorts and he collapses, dead. They look uncomprehendingly at their cups, and then eye each other suspiciously. Tertius breaks the atmosphere with a laugh, then chokes and dies]
Septimus: [To Primus] You-
[Clutches his throat and chokes on the poison, falls. Primus' eyes light up in realization, and he picks up the crown reverently. Septimus sits up, laughing]
Septimus: You really thought you were king?
Primus: You killed the bishop.
Septimus: No, Primus, I think you'll find that you killed the bishop by drinking from the wrong cup. [Primus looks crestfallen] Oh look, once you've finished wrestling with your conscience, I suggest you return to your chamber. Leave the quest for the stone to me.
View Quote Ditchwater Sal: Who goes there? What do you want with me, a poor old flower—
Lamia: Oh do shut up. I know what you are, and I swear by the ordinances of the Sisterhood to which we both belong, that I mean you no harm this day. I wish to share your meal.
View Quote Dunstan: I thought I heard you come in. [notices Tristan is holding some ice against his eye.] What happened? Are you hurt?
Tristan: No, I'm fine.
Dunstan: Humphrey again?
Tristan: No, actually, it was the Guard. The Guard of the Wall.
Dunstan: (disbelieving) Tristan, he's ninety-seven years old.
Tristan: Well, that's given him plenty of time to practice then, hasn't it?
View Quote Lamia: Limbus grass! You dare to steal truth from my lips by feeding me limbus grass! Do you have any idea what a big mistake you've made, Ditchwater Sal?
Ditchwater Sal: How do you know...? Who are you?
Lamia: Look again. [eyes darken]
Ditchwater Sal: [falls to her knees] I shall not seek the star, Your Dark Majesty, I swear.
Lamia: [voice booming and echoing unnaturally] Seek all you wish. You shall not see the star, touch it, smell or hear it. You shall not perceive her even if she stands before you. [looks down to see that her arm has aged. She sighs] Pray you never meet me again, Ditchwater Sal.
View Quote Lamia: You better be telling me the truth, you two-faced dog.
Ferdy: I can get you one of them. Very good guard dogs; they can watch the front and the back at the same time.
View Quote Quartus, Quintus, Sextus: Secundus!
Secundus: Sextus, Quartus, Quintus, you're alive! [the three shake their heads] Oh. I'm-
Sextus: -stuck like this until the new king is crowned.
Secundus: I was that close.
Quartus: Least you haven't lost your looks. [he, Quintus and Sextus snicker]
Secundus: Oh, please, you're not annoyed about that whole murder thing, are you? I'm mean, that was ten years ago.
Quartus: Yeah, great deal of good it did killing me, didn't it, Secundus? Because now, of course, you are King of all Stormhold. Oh, sorry, wait, you're dead.
View Quote Septimus: Una?
Una: Septimus!
Primus, Secundus, Tertius, Quartus, Quintus & Sextus: Sister!
View Quote Tertius: [peeks his ghostly head through a wall as Yvaine and Tristan are making love] Hey! Guys, you gotta come and see this!
Secundus: No thank you.
Quintus: Pervert.
Tertius: Suit yourselves. [grins]
View Quote Tristan: [having crashed against and falling on top of Yvaine] Mother? Oh! Oh, Mother. I'm so sorry. Are you all right?
Yvaine: No, I'm not, and I'm not your mother, so get off me!
Tristan: [stands up] You're not my mother?
Yvaine: Do I look like I'm your mother?
View Quote Tristan: [to Yvaine] Excuse me, but have you seen a fallen star anywhere?
Yvaine: You're funny.
Tristan: No, I'm serious. We're in a crater; this must be where it fell.
Yvaine: Yeah, this is where it fell. It is. Or, if you want to be really specific, up there is where this weird, bloody necklace came out of nowhere and knocked it out of the heavens when it was minding its own business. And over there is where it landed. And right here, this is where it got hit by a magical, flying moron!
View Quote Tristan: What the hell did you do?!
Yvaine: What did I do? What did you do?! "Think of home", that was a great plan! You thought of your home and I thought of mine, and now we are halfway between the two!
Tristan: Oh, you stupid cow! Why did you think of your home for?!
Yvaine: You just said "home"! If you wanted me to think of your home, you should've said!
Tristan: Some crazy lady was going to cut your heart out, and you wanted more specific instructions?! Perhaps you would like it in writing, or a diagram maybe!
View Quote Tristan: You sort of glitter sometimes. I just noticed it. Is it... is it normal?
Yvaine: Let's see if you can work it out for youself. What do stars do?
Tristan: Hmm.... Attract trouble?
[Yvaine pushes him, amused]
Tristan: [grinning] All right, I'm sorry. Let me do another guess. Is it: Do they know exactly how to annoy a boy called Tristan Thorn?
View Quote Yvaine: You've got a Babylon candle?
Tristan: Yeah, I have a bubbling candle.
Yvaine: A Babylon candle.
Tristan: That's what I said.
Yvaine: You said "bubbling."
View Quote [after faking Tristan's murder] Oh, it works every time. An ounce of bargaining, a pinch of trickery, a soupcon of intimidation — et voila! The perfect recipe for a towering reputation without ever having to spill one drop of blood. Ever tried to get bloodstains out of a silk shirt? Nightmare!
View Quote [after throwing the mannequin overboard] I'm taking the girl to my cabin, and mark my words, anyone who disturbs me for the next few hours will get the same treatment. [Crewman: "What, you'll...?"] No, you idiot, I'll sling you over the side as well!