Road House (2024) quotes

You, tell me about this bouncer.

Oh, uh, yeah I dunno, man. He's kinda strange, you know?

What do you mean, strange?

Yeah.. You know, he acts all nice and shit like he's Mr. Rogers or something. But then, man, he hauls off. He hauls off! He beats the living shit outta you! So, really interesting guy, overall.

That was a brilliant analysis. Sam, throw these dum-dums overboard.

I was kind of worried you came here to return 'Fred the Tree.'

Dalton

Why would I do that? How else am I supposed to learn about the Keys' famous six-toed cats?

Good point.

Dalton

I just wanted to get you outside so I could ask you and your friends respectfully to leave the premises.

Dell

Oh, we'll leave. After I **** kill you.

Dalton

Sure. Uh, before we start do you have insurance?

Dell

What?

Dalton

Like, you have medical insurance? Your coverage good? Like, you have dental?

Dell

Oh, ha-ha! Yeah. I'm not the one that's gonna ****in' need it.

Dalton

Okay. Sure. Hey, Frankie?

Frankie

Yeah?

Dalton

Is there a hospital nearby?

Frankie

Literally who gives a shit.

Dell

Shit the **** up and fight, asshole!

Dalton

Is there a hospital nearby? Is it like, too far? Is it close?

Dalton

This piano is out of tune.

Knox

Sounds pretty good to me.

Dalton

You don't have to lose, you're gonna lose in front of all your friends.

Dell

"In front of"? [Thugs laugh] Oh, they're not here to just watch.

Dalton

Oh, well, that's hardly fair.

Dell

Life's not fair.

Dalton

I just slapped you. Are you all right?

Dell

Who the **** are you, Mr Smiley?

Dalton

Mr Smiley?

Dell

Yeah. You've had this idiot grin since I walked in. So, are you happy? Are you stupid? Or get punched in the face too many times?

Dalton

Honestly, it's probably the punching thing.

Won't find the body. Crocs hide their food.

Dalton

I didn't know that.

That's why no one believed me about Shantsie. My dog. Damn croc got him, too.

They're not gonna find that guy's body. Crocs hide their food.

Dalton

Do they teach that in kindergarten around here?

They do.

You sure? You read the whole thing?

Dalton

You know that conchs produce pearls?

Yes

Dalton

And that they have ornate spiral...

Shells. Yes, everyone knows that.

Dalton

That one in every 15,000 produces a pink pearl.

Sounds romantic. Unless you're a conch. Because what actually happens is the conch gets a bit of grit inside its shell, which causes extreme irritation.

Dalton

"Extreme irritation"... that leads to something beautiful. How is that not romantic?

Frankie

Hey, nice suit. You look like a shitty pimp on Easter. Then again, you always had bad taste.

Thank you. It's Cleopini, Frankie. I went to Italy to get it **** fitted.

Frankie

It's a long way to go to still look like dog shit.

Frankie

So, listen, I own a roadhouse out in the Florida Keys.

Dalton

A roadhouse, huh?

Frankie

Hemingway used to drink there. You know, Ernest Hemingway?

Dalton

Good for you.

Frankie

Well, at least let me text you my number.

Dalton

I don't have a phone, so...

Frankie

Well, hold on. I'll write it down on a pen and paper, just like our ancestors did.

Frankie

Holy shit. You scared the shit out of me

Dalton

That was kind of my intention.

Hey! Get in the car. [Lifts shirt to reveal his gun] Boss wants to have a word with you.

Dalton

Who's your boss?

Brandt.

Dalton

Brandt?

Yeah, Ben Brandt. And he's waiting. So you're gonna get in the car or not?

Dalton

No, I don't think so. [Starts walking away]

Hey, stop. Stop! You did see that I have a **** gun, right?

Dalton

Yeah. You made a pretty big point of showin' it to me.

Okay, so get in the **** car! [Dalton laughs and walks towards him] You don't understand how this works, do you?

Dalton

Yeah, I do. But you have a gun, tucked in your waistband. So, it's really not that intimidating, is it?

What the **** are you talkin' about?

Dalton

I mean, all I have to do is break your index and your middle finger and you wouldn't even be able to hold that gun. Technically, you'd be able to hold it but you wouldn't be able to fire it. So it's really not that big of a threat, is it?

**** this. [Reaches for his gun, Dalton grabs his hand and bones can be heard snapping] Mother****er!

Knox

Lookie here. Our own little octagon.

Dalton

What? Who taught you shapes?