Cornwall
Hey, hey, easy with the stick, buddy.
What are you?
Devon
Well, frankly, we're the reason cousins shouldn't marry.
Scenes with Devon and Cornwall the Two-Headed Dragon
16 scenes
Devon
[during their song, but in speech]
Trapped! Aah! Trapped!
Cornwall
Stuck here with you for 500 years!
Devon
Oh, dear, it's learned to count.
Cornwall
If you'd got me a good lawyer, I would have split 400 years ago.
Devon
Now, listen here, pal! I didn't come here to be insulted!
Cornwall
Oh? Well, where do you usually go?
Well, the good news is, we're out of Dragon Country. The bad news is, this is where we say goodbye.
Devon
You can't leave us here! If we try to go back, we'll be banished! Ostracized. Exiled...
Cornwall
Not to mention kicked out.
Why?
Cornwall
We just broke the dragons' cardinal rule!
Rule?
Devon
What? Never wear brown shoes with the blue suit?
Cornwall
No, you moron. Never help a human.
Come on, Kayley. We must make camp before dark.
Devon
Camp?
Garrett. Let's take them with us. Please.
Oh, I suppose so. But no more singing!
Devon
How about interpretive dance?
[Garrett sighs]
Devon
[walking through The Ogre's "den" - filled with carcasses - sarcastically and quietly]
Charming place. I must get the name of his decorator.
[to Devon and Cornwall, after they have agreed on hating Ruber, resulting in their ability of flight]
You're flying.
Devon
Gosh! He's right. We are flying.
Cornwall
I did it! [he puts his arm in a supinated position - showing off his biceps] I'm great. [kisses his biceps twice] I love me! I did it.
Devon
[Devon hits him on the head repeatedly]
Excuse me, egomaniac, you mean I did it.
Cornwall
No, no!
[They fall into a mud pool]
Don't you get it? The only reason you can't fly or breathe fire is because you can't agree on anything. There must be something you can agree on. You both love Kayley, don't you?
[Devon and Cornwall spit out mud, sigh, and look at each other]
Devon
Well, frankly, we're the reason cousins shouldn't marry. [Explaining why they're "conjoined twin dragons"]
Devon
Oh. Enchante, mademoiselle. I'm Devon, and this growth on my neck is Cornwall.
Cornwall
But you can call me "Corny", for short. [Meeting Kayley for the first time]
Cornwall
[To Kayley, after Garrett has left the group]
Forget about him. You're better off with out him. He walks funny. He talks funny. People throw darts at him.
Devon
[To Cornwall, appalled by his insults against Garrett]
How can you be so cold-blooded?
Cornwall
[To Devon]
I'm a reptile. [He sticks his tongue out]
Devon
[To Cornwall, poking him]
Listen, you Jurassic twit! Kayley deserves someone who will love her. [Devon performs the following actions upon Cornwall] Someone... who'll hold her in his arms, [as he squeezes Cornwall's head, the latter's eyes bulge] who'll run his fingers through her hair, [as he runs his fingers across Cornwall's head, which squeak as he does so, he pulls out hair. He pushes his and Cornwall's heads together so their eyes are immediately opposing each other] look deeply in her eyes, [Breaks off the embrace] and make her feel like a real woman! [He kisses Cornwall, but Cornwall splutters and Devon feels nauseous and turns green and they both spit and splutter]
Cornwall
Tell ya what: next time, you try to fly, and we'll hold on!
Stop bickering, and get your act together!
Devon
Act? Did someone say Act? I can act!
Well, Master, we lost 'em again.
[Ruber prepares to strike him; then looks up along the path] .
Ah! That's where they went.
Uh-oh.
What is it?
We've lost the tracks.
Devon
"Ogre"?!
Cornwall
Well, see ya, good luck, have a nice life;–– whatever's left of it.
What's so scary about ogres?
Devon
[the skeleton of a large animal falls into their midst]
Their appetite!
Cornwall
Oh, no; I think it's Uncle Yorick!
Devon
Alas, poor Yorick!
[The Ogre stamps on the skeleton, discards more bones, and drops an ornate sheath]
It's the scabbard from Excalibur! He does have the sword.
[Later]
Ogres sleep in the day. We'll wait for him to fall asleep, then, we'll grab the sword!
Devon
Define "We".
Shh! Quiet! The slightest noise and we're finished!
Devon
[looks around at skeletons along the walls of the Ogre's lair]
Hmm. Charming place. I must get the name of his decorator.
What's he doing?
I can't see him.
He's here; I can smell him.
[The Ogre moves] .
You're right; he is here.
Where's Excalibur?
Tell me when he falls asleep.
[The Ogre gives a yawn and noisily lies down] .
Cornwall
Let me guess: he fell asleep!
Describe the lay-out.
There's a ledge, just above the sword! But it's gotta be a twenty-foot drop.
[Garrett uses his staff and places it next to Cornwall. He places his hand on the stick, and compares it to Cornwall's height. He walks away, Devon and Cornwall look confused. Later, we see Devon and Cornwall's tail is hooked on the rock on the ledge, as the camera pans down, we see that Devon and Cornwall are holding onto Garrett's feet who is using his staff for Kayley to hook her legs around as she is trying to grab Excalibur. Devon and Cornwall are heard groaning.]
Lower down. More.
Iron Crossbowman
[Then we cut to the far angle from the human-chain. Ruber's foot stomps in front of the camera. And we cut to the front of Ruber and his men.]
Hey boss! Look! There they are–
whilst shoving one of the mace-wielding thug's mace balls into the arrow thug's mouth] Shut up! [he turns to see that the ogre hasn't woken up and the human-chain is anywhere going out of place. To himself, muttering.] (I hate ogres.) Walk this way. [Ruber's minions tip toe behind Ruber, making some metallic noises every step they take. Ruber sighs in annoyance. Devon spots Ruber, The Griffin and the henchmen from the distance.]
Devon
Oh, no, it's him. [Devon points at Ruber, accidentally letting go of Garrett's foot]
Hey!
[The chain began the jolt, Kayley nearly fell, but her feet managed to stay hooked on Garrett's staff. Kayley has lowered herself enough to Excalibur. Ruber has climbed on the Griffin and it begins to fly off, causing dust to rise.]
Ah-ah-ahhh-CHOOO! [After the Griffin sneezed, Ruber gasped, then Cornwall, then Garrett, and lastly Kayley. Then the ogre opens his eye in front of Kayley.]
Uh-oh! Nap-time's over! [Garrett does so, but he groans whilst doing so] Quick! Swing me back-and-forth! You're getting very sleepy, sleepy. [The ogre fell back to sleep shortly after Kayley hypnotized him]
I've got it!
[Devon and Cornwall moan as Ayden grabs hold of Devon's head and pulls the chain to safety. Ruber and the Griffin fly off again to try to steal back the sword. But the ogre, still groggy, yawns in front of them, as the group ran for the exit. Ruber and the Griffin scream as they fall to the ground. Three of Ruber's henchmen chase after the group, but the ogre slams his hand into them, narrowly missing the group. Ruber and the Griffin land, and the ogre yawns and lifts his hand in the air. The flattened, but unharmed minions, blink. Then the ogre begins to change his sleeping position. Ruber and the Griffin gasp, as the ogre's rear end is lowering in front of them. The ogre sits down in his sleeping position, causing dust to rise.]
The Ogre's butt! [the dust clears to see that Ruber and the Griffin are indeed trapped under the ogre's butt]
Well, Master, at least things can't get any worse.
[After the Griffin said that, the ground begins to shake] [to the Griffin]
Wanna bet? [As the group ran towards the exit of the cave, breaking wind is heard.]
Cornwall
Whoa! Watch it!
[Loud noise and gust of wind blowing Ruber and the Griffin over the heroes, who duck their heads and cover their noses as they run out of the Ogre's cave. Ruber and the Griffin crash into a cave wall]
Seize them!
[groaning, strained]
Yes, Master. [Devon and Cornwall are the first to run through the exit, and stop at a cliff.]
Devon
There's no way out!
There's one way out: you'll have to fly!
Devon
We can't fly! (We explained that before our song).
[Garrett seizes Kayley, Devon, & Cornwall and leaps with them into the canyon] .
Cornwall
[deep]
Houston, we have a [normal] PROBLEM! [His voice echoes, as they slide down the cliff. Ruber stops at the cliff, followed by his henchmen]
After you! [he kicks them down the cliff, after the heroes. Ayden chirps in view, Ruber sees this, and motions the Griffin to attack him. The Griffin does so, but misses him, and Ayden flies around Ruber, who swings his sword at him, but misses. The Griffin's eyes widen and shrieks when he realizes what he's flying into. Ruber growls in shock, as the Griffin crashes into the cliff right below him, crumbling the cliff with Ruber on it, causing him to fall with the Griffin. Meanwhile, back to the group who are still sliding down the cliff with Kayley and Garrett on Devon and Cornwall, with Ruber's minions still sliding far behind. The Griffin and Ruber are right behind them.]
Devon
Ladies and Gentlemen: Please put your seats in the upright position!
Cornwall
Assume the crash position and hope you don't smell your socks! Tray tables up and put away your sandwiches!
Devon
Turbulence!
Cornwall
Hold on, gang. I think we're going in.
Devon
We know you do have a choice, so thank you for flying Dragon Air! Ow! OW! OWW!! [They land on a lake extinguishing the fire, Garrett fell off into the water, but Kayley managed to stay on.]
Cornwall
Tell you what, next time you try to fly, and we'll hold on.
We did it. We did it! I can't believe it! We did it!
[she takes Excalibur out of its scabbard]
So this is Excalibur. [Devon and Cornwall squabble over each other to hold the sword]
Devon
Can I hold it? Give it to me!
Cornwall
Please, let me hold it. Me!
[to Devon and Cornwall]
No! Excalibur only belongs in the hands of Arthur. [He walks away] Come on, Kayley.
Devon
Kayley's been captured!
Cornwall
And Ruber's got Excalibur!
What?! Take me to her! Come on, Ayden.
Cornwall
They're halfway to Camelot by now.
Devon
Oh, right! We've have to fly there to get there in time! Ruber drives me completely nuts! He makes me so mad, and angry!
Cornwall
He's definitely a jerk; a giant jerk!
Devon
The foulth [sic] of it!
Cornwall
Wait 'til we get to Camelot. We'll show him a thing or two! Won't we?
Devon
Yes! We darn well will!
Devon
Gosh! He's right. We are flying.
Cornwall
I did it! [showing off his biceps] I'm great. [kisses his biceps twice] I love me! I did it.
Devon
[Devon hits him on the head]
Excuse me, egomaniac, I think you mean I did it.
Cornwall
No; careful! [They fall into a mud pool]
Don't you get it?! The only reason you can't fly is because you can't agree on anything! There must be something you can agree on. You both love Kayley, don't you?
[Devon and Cornwall spit out mud, sigh, and look at each other]
