Max Bialystock quotes

View Quote There's more to you than there is to you. (Turns head and mouths "What the F***")

View Quote We got the wrong play, the wrong director, the wrong cast. Where did we go right?

View Quote [after seeing Franz perform at the auditions] THAT'S OUR HITLER!

View Quote [with a very high Irish accent] I'm going to get out of here before me voice gets any higher! As we say in the old country... [normal voice] TAXI!

View Quote I'm drowning here! I'm going down for the last time! I... I... I see my whole life flashing before my eyes! I see a weathered old farmhouse... With a white picket fence... I'm running through fields of alfalfa with my collie, Rex. No Rex, not on the alfalfa. And I see my mother... I see Mama, standing on the back porch... And I hear her calling out to me..."Alvin, don't forget your chores! The wood needs a-cordin' and the cows need a-milkin'! Alviiiiin! Aaaaalviiiiiiiiiiiin!"... Wait a minute. My name's not Alvin. That's not my life. Someone else's life is flashing before my eyes. What the hell is that about? I'm not a hillbilly, I grew up in the Bronx. Leo's taken everything from me... Even my past!

View Quote [to Ulla] Even though we're sitting down, Mr Bloom and I are giving you a standing ovation.

View Quote What are you shooting at us for, you teutonic TWIT?!

View Quote Hold me touch me, where is hold me touch me...Hold me touch me, Hold me touch me... Kiss me feel me, Lick me bite me, Yank me spank me, Suck me fu... ah! Hold me touch me!

View Quote [to a prisoner in Sing Sing] What are you in for, lack of rhythm?

View Quote I'll send you to the moon Thursday. I may even join you.

View Quote Shut up! I'm having a rhetorical conversation!

View Quote Dear Lord... I want that money!

View Quote [holding play] Smell it. Touch it. Kiss it. Kiss it! It's the mother load...

View Quote For once, I would love to see someone on that couch who's under eighty-five!

View Quote Let's get out of here before they kill us.

View Quote Leo, you are nervous, over-stimulated. GIVE ME THOSE FRIGGIN' BOOKS!

View Quote Well, you know what they say: "smile and the world smiles with you". (to bust) This man should be in a straightjacket!

View Quote (reading a play) As Gregor Samsa woke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a giant ****roach. (speaking) Nah, too good.

View Quote There was a time when I was young and gay...but straight. (from deleted scene, 'King of Broadway')