Captain Jack Sparrow [examines empty rum bottle]
Why is the rum always gone? [staggers drunkenly] Oh... That's why.
Most-quoted character in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006): in 67 of its 156 quotes
Most scenes with: Will Turner (12), Gibbs (10), Elizabeth Swann (6)
My tremendous intuitive sense of the female creature informs me that you are troubled.
More lines from Captain Jack Sparrow
34 quotes Captain Jack Sparrow Captain Jack Sparrow Whoa! No no! Big fire! Big fire! I am chief, want big fire.
Captain Jack Sparrow [to the cannibals]
A boogie snickel snickel. Toute-de-suite, come on! More wood!
Captain Jack Sparrow Alas, my Children! This is the day that you shall always remember as the day you almost- [a huge wave washes over him, drowning him out. Dejected tone] ...Cap'n Jack Sparrow.
Captain Jack Sparrow No, you want you to find this. Because the finding of this finds you incapacitorially finding and/or locating in your discovering the detecting of a way to save your dolly belle ol' what's-her-face. [pause] Savvy?
Captain Jack Sparrow You can mistrust me less than you can mistrust him, trust me.
Captain Jack Sparrow [about Will's plan to cut down everyone in his path]
I like it. Simple, easy to remember.
Captain Jack Sparrow Mr. Gibbs... I-I feel sullied and unusual.
Captain Jack Sparrow Yup, I'm good with it!
Captain Jack Sparrow So, shall we seal it in blood? I mean... ink?
Captain Jack Sparrow You know, these clothes do not flatter you at all. It should be a dress or nothing. I happen to have no dress in my cabin.
Captain Jack Sparrow One word, love; curiosity. You long for freedom. You long to do what you want to do because you want it. To act on selfish impulse. You want to see what it's like. One day you won't be able to resist.
Captain Jack Sparrow [whimpers]
I want my jar of dirt.
Captain Jack Sparrow Guard the boat, mind the tide... don't touch my dirt.
Captain Jack Sparrow Come to negotiate, eh, have you, ya slimy git? Look what I got! [sing-song] I got a jar of dirt! I got a jar of dirt! And guess what's inside it?!
Captain Jack Sparrow [smiles]
Hello, beastie.
Captain Jack Sparrow Eunuchy... [Making scissors motion with his fingers] Snip-snip.
Captain Jack Sparrow Have you not met Will Turner? He's noble, heroic, terrific soprano, worth at least four, may three and a half. And did I happen to mention he's in love? With a girl. Due to be married. Betrothed. Dividing him from her and her from him would only be half as cruel as actually allowing them to be joined in holy matrimony, eh?
Captain Jack Sparrow Darlin', I am truly unhappy to have to tell you this, but through an unfortunate and entirely unforeseeable series of circumstances that have nothing whatsoever to do with me, poor Will has been press-ganged into Davy Jones' crew.
Captain Jack Sparrow [to Bootstrap]
And to what do I owe the pleasure of your carbuncle?
Captain Jack Sparrow [to his sleeping crew]
As you were, gents.
Captain Jack Sparrow Bugger bugger bugger BUGGER!
Captain Jack Sparrow [Hesitantly]
Hard to starboard?
Captain Jack Sparrow Where is it? Where is the thump-thump?
Captain Jack Sparrow [to Elizabeth, about an unconscious Will]
Leave 'im lie... unless you're planning on using him to hit somethin' with.
Captain Jack Sparrow Savvy?
Captain Jack Sparrow Look! [shoots undead Jack the monkey in his cage] An undead monkey. Top that!
Captain Jack Sparrow [Wanting both to think he's talking to them]
Still rooting for you, mate!
Captain Jack Sparrow Ah! The dark side of ambition.
Captain Jack Sparrow I knew you'd warm up to me eventually.
Captain Jack Sparrow [falls into an open grave]
Oh...
Captain Jack Sparrow [whispers to Will]
Save me.
Captain Jack Sparrow We have our heading.
Captain Jack Sparrow [Last line, to the Kraken]
'Ello, Beastie.
Scenes with Captain Jack Sparrow
32 scenes[as Jack steps onto the Black Pearl, holding a severed skeletal leg.]
Not quite according to plan.
Jack Complications arose, ensued, were overcome.
Captain, I think the crew, meaning me as well, were expecting something more... shiny. What with the Isla de Muerta going all pear-shaped, reclaimed by the sea and the treasure with it.
Leech And the Royal Navy chasing us all around the Atlantic.
And the Hurricane.
All in all, its been some time since we did a speck of honest piratin'.
Jack Shiny?
Aye, shiny.
Jack Is that how you're all feeling, then? That maybe old Jack is not serving your best interests as captain?
*Squawk* Walk the plank!
Jack [pulls out gun and points it at the parrot.]
WHAT DID THE BIRD SAY?!
Jack It does me!
Jack No, much more better. It is a drawing of a key.
Jack [The crew stare blankly.]
Gentlemen, what do keys do?
Leech Keys ... unlock things?
[catching on.]
And whatever this key unlocks, inside there's something valuable ... So, we're setting out to find whatever this key unlocks?
Jack No. If we don't have the key, we can't open whatever it is we don't have that it unlocks. So what purpose would be served in finding whatever needs be unlocked... which we don't have... without having first found the key what unlocks it?
So, we're going after this key!
Jack You're not making any sense at all.
Jack Sparrow Bootstrap? Bill Turner?
You look good, Jack.
Jack Sparrow Is this a dream?
Jack Sparrow I thought not. If it was, there'd be rum. [Bootstrap holds up a bottle of rum for him.]
You got the Pearl back, I see.
Jack Sparrow I had some help retrieving the Pearl, by the way. Your son.
William? He ended up a pirate after all.
Jack Sparrow And to what do I owe the pleasure of your carbuncle?
You made a deal with him too, Jack. He raised the Pearl from the depths for you. Thirteen years you've been captain!
Jack Technically...
Jack! You won't be able to talk yourself out of this. The terms what apply to me apply to you as well. One soul... bound to crew a hundred years upon his ship!
Jack Yes but the Flying Dutchman already has a captain so there's really no...
Then there's the Locker for you!! Jones' terrible leviathan will find you and drag the Pearl down to the depths and you along with it!
Jack Any idea when Jones might release said terrible beastie?
I already told you, Jack... your time's up. [marks him with the Black Spot.] It comes now, drawn with ravenous hunger, to the man who bears the Black Spot.
Jack [Marked by the Black Spot, Jack Sparrow runs around on deck, rousing the crew.]
All hands on deck! Make fast the bunt gasket! On deck! Scurry! Scurry! I want movement! Movement! I want movement! Lift the skin up! Keep your loof! Haul those sheets! Run them! Run! Keep running! Run as if the Devil himself and itself is upon us!
Do we have a heading?
Jack Argh! [realises who it is.] Run! Land.
Which port?
Jack I didn't say 'port'. I said 'land'. Any land.
Let's put some distance between us and this island and head out to open sea.
Jack Yes to the first and yes to the second, but only insofar as we keep to the shallows as much as possible.
That's seems a bit contradictory, Captain.
Jack I have every faith in your reconcilliatory navigational skills, Master Gibbs. Now where is that monkey? I want to shoot something!
Jack No. You want you to find this. Because the finding of this finds you incapacitorially finding and/or locating in your discovering, a detecting of a way to save your dolly belle, dear ol' what's-her-face. [pause.] Savvy?
Jack How much do you know about Davy Jones?
Not much..
Jack Yeah, it's gonna save Elizabeth.
Jack No worries, mates. Tia Dalma and I go way back; Thick as thieves. Nigh unseperable we are... were... have been... before...
Jack It's me front I'm worried about...
*Squawk* Mind the boat.
[Flies into Tia Dalma's shack, leaving Mr. Cotton to mind the boat.]
You... You have a touch of destiny about you, William Turner!
You know me?
You want to know me..
Jack [cutting in.]
There will be no knowing here! We've come for help and we're not leaving without it. [to Tia Dalma.] I thought I knew you.
Not so well as I had hoped.
You know I demand payment.
Jack I brought payment. Look. [shoots Jack the monkey, which cannot die.] An undead monkey! Top that!
You know of Davy Jones, yes? A man of the sea. A great sailor. Until he ran afoul of that which vexes all men.
What vexes all men?
What, indeed?
The sea?
Sums?
The dichotomy of good and evil?
Jack [Everyone stares at Ragetti.]
A woman.
See, it was a woman. He fell in love...
No, no, no, I heard it was the sea he fell in love with.
[cutting off all argument.]
Same story, different versions. And all are true. You see, it was a woman. As harsh, changing and untamable like the sea. Him never stopped loving her...
Jack I did not. I didn't know where the key was. But now we do. And now all that's left is to climb aboard the Flying Dutchman, grab the key, you go back to Port Royal and save your bonny lass, eh!
Davy Jones cannot make port. Cannot step foot on land but once every ten years. Land is where you are safe, Jack Sparrow. [handing Jack a jar of dirt] Therefore you must take land with you.
Jack [Jack takes the jar from Tia Dalma.] [deadpan]
Dirt. This is a jar of dirt.
Yes.
Jack Is the jar of dirt going to help?
If you no want it, give it back.
Jack [pulling the jar closer.]
No.
You've been captain of the Black Pearl for thirteen years. That was our agreement.
Jack Technically, I was only captain for two years before I was viciously mutinied upon...
Then you were a poor captain, but a captain nonetheless! Have you not introduced yourself, all these years, as Captain Jack Sparrow? [Jones' crew laugh mockingly.]
Jack You have my payment. One soul to serve on your ship is already over there.
One soul is not equal to another.
Jack Aha! So we've established my proposal is sound in principle, now we're just haggling over price.
Jack Just how many souls do you think my soul is worth?
One hundred souls. Three days.
Jack You're a diamond, mate! Send me back the boy [Will Turner], we'll get started right off.
I keep the boy. A good faith payment. That leaves you only 99 more to go. [laughs along with his crew]
Jack Have you not met Will Turner? He's noble, heroic, terrific soprano, worth at least four...maybe three and a half. And did I happen to mention - He's in love. With a girl. Due to be married. Betrothed. Dividing him from her and her from him would only be half as cruel as actually allowing them to be joined holy matrimony, eh? Eh?
[brief period of misty-eyed weakness, quickly recovers.]
I keep the boy, 99 souls. But I wonder, Sparrow, can you live with this? Can you condemn an innocent man, a friend, to a lifetime of servitude in your name, while you roam free?
Jack [beat.]
Yep! 'm good with it. So, shall we seal it in blood, I mean, er... ink?
You haven't said where were going... somewhere nice?! (pushes Gibbs aside) So am I worthy to serve under Captain Jack Sparrow? Or I should just kill you now?
Jack You're hired.
Jack (after seeing Norrington after he had be vomiting)
You look bloody awful. What are you doing here?
You hired me. I can't help it if your standards are lax.
Jack [childish]
You smell funny.
Jack Persuade me.
You do know Will taught me how to handle a sword.
Jack As I said, persuade me.
[Elizabeth nods and walks off. Jack watches her and makes a grunting noise]
Jack My tremendous intuitive sense of the female creatures informs me that you are troubled.
I just thought 'd be married by now. 'm so ready to be married.
Jack [Jack looks at her chest then hands her a bottle of rum]
You know, [clears throat] Lizzie, I am captain of a ship, and being captain of a ship I could in fact perform a marry-agh. Right here. Right on this deck. Right now.
Jack Why not? We are very much alike, you and I, I and you, us.
Except for a sense of honor, and decency, and a moral center. And personal hygiene.
Jack [Smells under arm]
Trifles. You will come over to my side, I know it.
You seem very certain.
Jack One word love: curiosity. You long for freedom. You long to do what you want to do because you want it. To act on selfish impulse. You want to see what it's like. One day, you won't be able to resist.
Why doesn't your compass work?
Jack ...My compass works fine.
Because you and I are alike. And there will come a moment when you will show it. To do the right thing.
Jack I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by.
You'll have the chance to do something, something courageous. And when you do you'll discover something. That you're a good man.
Jack All evidence to the contrary.
Oh, I have faith in you. You want to know why?
Jack Do tell, dearie.
Curiosity. You're going to want it. A chance to be admired, and gain the rewards that follow. You won't be able to resist. You're going to want to know what it tastes like. [Leans in close to him]
Jack [Eyes widen]
I do want to know what it tastes like.
But, seeing as you're a good man I know that you'd never put me in a position that would compromise my honor.
Jack [Leans in to kiss her; sees black spot reappear on his hand and pulls away]
'm proud of you, Jack.
Jack I do that quite a lot. Yet people are always surprised.
Jack How did you get here?
Sea turtles, mate! A pair of 'em strapped to my feet!
Jack Not so easy, is it?
But I do owe you thanks Jack.
Jack You do?
After you tricked me on to that ship to square you're debt with Jones!
What?
Jack [Imitates Elizabeth]
What?
I was reunited with my father.
Jack Oh, well... you're welcome then.
I keep the promises I made, Jack. I intend to free my father. I hope you're here to see it.
I can't let you do that either. So sorry.
Jack I knew you warm up to me eventually.
(Jack, Will, and Norrington points swords)
Lord Beckett desires the contents of the chest. I get it, I'll get my life back.
Jack Ah, the dark side of ambition.
I like to see it as a promise of redemption.
Needo
[head lying on the floor]
Hay Needo, hay Needo, follow my voice [body gets up and runs around] to the left.. no, to the right [body runs into a tree] No, that's a tree.
Jack Oh shut it!
What about Norrington?
Jack He fell behind.
Our thoughts be with him. [pause] Well, best not wallow in our grief!
We should turn around and fight. If we can outrun them, we can take them.
Jack Why fight when you can negotiate? All one requires is the proper leverage.
[A tremor causes the jar of dirt to fall and break open... revealing it doesn't contain Davy Jones' heart.] Argh! Where is it? Where is the thump-thump?
Jack Abandon ship. Into the longboat.
Jack! The Pearl!
Jack [sadly.]
She's only a ship, mate.
Thank you, Jack.
Jack We're not free yet, love.
You came back. I always knew you were a good man.
[Elizabeth kisses Jack and handcuffs him to a mast.]
It's after you, not the ship. It's not us. This is the only way, don't you see?
Jack [Smiling]
Pirate.
Jack Now all that's left is to climb aboard Davy Jones's crocodile machine or whatever it's called. [to crew offscreen] What's the bloody thing called? Flying what..? Dutchman!
Jack I shall help you find the compass if you'll do strange things to my dog. His name is Tim.
Let's put some distance between us and this island and head out to open sea.
Jack Yes to the first and yes to the second but only insofar as we I'll just start that take again shall I?
Good idea.
Governor Swann
The charge is conspiring to set free a man convicted of... [sighs]
All
[complete silence]
Governor Swann
I can't read my own writing. Crimes, thank you very much.
The charge is conspiring to set free a man legally lawfully I'm sorry I'm slightly confused about what version we're doing. Shall I say it or does Jonathon say it?
Governor Swann
It's my line, dear.
Oh, sorry.
Governor Swann
[mouths]
That's mine, bitch!
Jack Are you certain? [loud creaking sound]..... [quietly] Sorry.
Jack Why fight when you can negotiate? All one needs- [realizes a dreadlock is stuck in the jar of dirt] [Will cracks up laughing] Help?
Sailor
There is a female presence on board, sir. All the men have felt her- [rest of the crew crack up laughing] No, they haven't felt her...
Jack Your recolciliatory reacaliotory relalaltrltyyua LA. There, I said it, I feel better for it.
Again! Again!
If you want to brave the weird, and haunted shores at World's End, then... [tries to move, realizes her dress is stuck on a table] I'm stuck, sorry.
Jack.
Jack Huh?
Elizabeth is in danger.
Jack Have you considered keeping a more watchful eye on her? Maybe just lock her up somewhere.
She is locked up, in a prison, bound to hang for helping you!
Jack There comes a time when one must take responsibility for one's mistakes.
Y' have a touch of destiny about you, William… Turner.
You know me?!
Would you like to "know" me?
Jack There'll be no "knowing" while we're here.
What say you? Am I worthy to serve under the great Captain Jack Sparrow?
Jack You're hired.
I only wanted the satisfaction of doing it myself!
Do excuse me while I kill the man who ruined my life.
Be my guest.
Jack Let us examine that claim for a moment, Former Commodore; shall we? Who was it, at the very moment you had a notorious pirate safely behind bars, saw fit to free said pirate, and take your dearly beloved all to his self? Aye? So whose fault is it really, that you've ended up a rum-pot deck-hand who takes orders from pirates?
Enough! [strikes at Jack, who leaps out of the way]. Unfortunately, Mr. Turner: he's right! [they fight again]
Other characters in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
Davy Jones
Bill Nighy
Will Turner
Orlando Bloom
Elizabeth Swann
Keira Knightley
Gibbs
Kevin McNally
Lord Cutler Beckett
Tom Hollander
Pintel
Lee Arenberg
Ragetti
Mackenzie Crook
Norrington
Jack Davenport
Tia Dalma
Naomie Harris
Bootstrap Bill
Stellan Skarsgård
Cotton's Parrot
Maccus
Dermot Keaney
Marty
Martin Klebba
Bloopers
Edinburgh Trader cook
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Captain Jack Sparrow
Willy Wonka
Captain Jack Sparrow
Ed Wood
Raoul Duke
Rango
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Ichabod Crane