Most scenes together: Susan Evers & Sharon McKendrick (5), Susan Evers & Margaret 'Maggie' McKendrick (2)
Miss Inch Welcome to Camp Inch, new arrivals. I am your supreme commander here. My name is... [turns to the next card and continues reading] Miss Inch. [frowns, looks back at the previous card in confusion, then re-reads the new one] Oh, yes, Miss Inch.
My dear, what are you doing?
Making a memory.
Making a memory?
All my life, when I'm quite grown-up I will always remember my grandfather and how he smelled of... [smells his jacket again] tobacco and peppermint.
Smelled of tobacco and peppermint. [starts chuckling] Well, I'll tell you what. I take the peppermint for my indigestion and as for the tobacco... [looks around] to make your grandmother mad.
Miss Inch Congratulations. In the history of our camp, that was the most infamous, the most revolting, the most disgusting display of hooliganism we have ever had.
Miss Grunecker Brawling like hooligans in front of our guests.
Miss Inch And worst of all, two sisters who should be setting a good example.
We're not sisters!
I've never seen HER before in my life.
Miss Inch They are! Aren't they?
Miss Grunecker No ma'am. Just look-alikes.
Miss Inch An amazing resemblance.
Ah Maggie, you're so beautiful.
No I mean it! I know I don't say things like you want to hear, but I've been thinking a lot about you, and us, and the way things used to be... this might sound funny to you but you know what I've missed most of all?
Mitch?
What?
You've got stew all over you.
I don't care.
Go and wash it off. [pause] What do you miss?
Well, I don't care if it does sound silly; I miss those wet stockings you used to have hanging around the bathroom, and I miss my razor being dull because you used it to shave your legs with. And I miss the hairpins mixed up with the fish hooks in my tackle box... it's no fun having a clothes closet all to myself. And it's no fun swearing because you're not around to make believe you're shocked by it. Well, nothing's any good without you Maggie, I miss a lot of things... I guess I just miss you!
Why did you take so long to tell me?
I don't know... Well because, cause I guess I was hoping that you'd come back sometime. Maggie, I've been the prize chump of the world. We've both been. We're going to grow into a couple of old lonely people if we don't do something about it.
I know.
You don't want that, do you?
No Mitch.
Don't cry. Listen, you can slug me in the eye anytime you want.
Serves you right. Stay out of our tent from now on.
You vicious little wretch! [Susan slaps Sharon and Sharon slaps her back]
How old are you?
Thirteen.
So am I. I can't wait till I'm eighteen and get my own car and stay out dancing till midnight.
I'll be fourteen November 12th.
No kiddin'? That's my birthday too.
Isn't that peculiar? November 12th?
Um huh. Funny, isn't it?
Uh oh. This one's full. [Looking around] Hey! What do ya know? It's stopped raining.
I can't remember her.
Did she die?
Nope. Busted up with Dad when I was young. But she was fabulous. Absolutely fabulous!
How do you know?
There used to be a picture of her on Daddy's desk. But once he caught me looking at it and it's never been around since. Hey! You wanna come to the commissary and get a popsicle with me?
Can you only think about your stomach at a time like this?
At a time like what?
Don't you feel it? Don't you know what's happening? Don't you find it peculiar that we both look so much alike, and have the same birthday?
It's just one of those things. Isn't it?
Will you come inside a minute? Please?
Mother always says I'm psychic. You know, that I can sense things when something odd is going to happen. I always get goosebumps. Look.
So what?
I don't understand. What are you doing with her picture?
It's my mother.
But it's my mother too.
You want to meet Father. And I'm just dying to know Mother. Well, what if... Oh my gosh! It might be so scary that we might be able to pull it off.
Pull what off?
Switch places!
Switch?
We can do it. We're twins, aren't we? Oh, I'm want to know Mother! Look, now I'M getting goosebumps!
Me, too. You know something? There's more to it than just switching places. I believe fate brought us together.
How so?
If we switched, sooner or later, they'd have to unswitch us.
Mother would have to bring me to California to unmix us.
And they'd have to meet again.
Face-to-face. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Exactly.
Let's go to work!
Ursala I know! We'll wait until she comes over here and when she's not looking we'll dump ants down her dress!
Where are we gonna find ants at night stupid?
Ursala Ooo, just thinking about it makes me so mad I could just spit!
Ursala The nerve of her! Coming here with your face!
What are you gonna do about it?
Do? What in heaven's sake can I do, silly?
I'd bite off her nose. Then she wouldn't look like you.
Verbena You didn't know what a good thing you had when you had it.
Huh?
Vicky Robinson You're a big girl now, Susan. You're old enough to understand that wonderful, delicate mystery that happens sometimes between a man and a woman.
I know what wonderful, delicate mystery Daddy sees in you. And I can't say I blame him there, either. You're very nicely put together.
Vicky Robinson Your father underestimates you, I think.
I'm sure you won't, will you, Vicky?
Vicky Robinson Susan, dear, you've had him to yourself all this time, and I can understand that suddenly to have another woman around, well, it's a tremendous intrusion. But all my life, it seemed, I've hoped and waited for someone like him: someone gentle and mature, rough-edged, but quick to laugh, someone understanding and wise. All the things that I've come to love and cherish in him.
Well, that's very refreshing.
Vicky Robinson Why, dear?
Most girls just run after Daddy because he's so wealthy.
Vicky Robinson Are you inferring that I'd marry your father for his money?
If the shoe fits, wear it!
Vicky Robinson Look, pet. I've tried to be friendly, but I'm going to marry your father, so you get used to the idea!
You wanna bet?
Vicky Robinson Oh, honey, don't you play with the big girls. You'll be in way over your head.
I don't think I'll be able to do any of those today.
What did you say?
Sharon! You interrupted your grandmother.
Well I have something important to tell you. [emphatically] Mother, I think what you and Daddy did to us children is lousy! In fact, I think it stinks!
Sharon!
And let's get this straight, I'm not Sharon, I'm Susan. [facing her mother] Sharon, your Sharon, is out in California with Daddy.
But it's impossible!
You can't be Susan.
But I AM Susan. Sharon and I met at camp, so we decided to switch places. She bit off her fingernails and I cut her hair, and now she's out in California with Dad, swimming and riding my horse and having a KEEN time and I'm stuck here with these lousy music lessons and I HATE them!
Oh I'm sorry, Mother. But I wanted to see you, and I missed not having a mother. I love you very much, and I wondered, if you could love me as me and not as Sharon. Please?
Oh Susan! [she hugs Susan] Oh my darling. Why didn't you let me know? Why didn't you tell me?
I couldn't help it. I mean, I wanted to be near you and to know what it was like to have a mother and everything.
Oh, Baby. [they hug again]
Susan, darling! Let me look at you. [to Maggie] She's EXACTLY ...
I know, I can't believe it.
Mother! Oh, I'm so glad you came! [Sharon and Maggie hug] Oh! You look wonderful! What'd you do to yourself?
Do you like it?
Oh, I love it!
Oh darling! [Maggie hugs Sharon again] Oh! Finally! Both of you together at last. What do you think of each other?
Fine.
We love each other!
Hi, Sue.
Hi.
I cut it, Mother.
You know, I like it.
Oh, and I love yours, Mother.
Where's your father?
Oh, he's out somewhere on a horse.
Tell me what?
Well ...
Dad's getting married.
Well. When is all this taking place?
Verbena Saturday, supposedly. [Maggie looks away, anxiously]
She just sort of infiltrated, Mother. And before you knew it, Dad was hooked.
Verbena If you ask me, Mr. Evers is slipping into his second childhood.
Oh your father is old enough to know what he's doing. Shall we go upstairs and get unpacked? I'm just dying to get into a hot shower after that long plane trip.
[Chatter as they all move up the stairs]
Maggie (wife)
