A scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail 1975
Dead Collector

Bring out jer dead!

Large Man

[A large man appears with a (seemingly) dead man over his shoulder]

Here's one.

Dead Collector

Nine pence.

"Dead" Man

I'm not dead.

Large Man

Nothing. [hands the collector his money] Here's your nine pence.

"Dead" Man

I'm not dead!

Dead Collector

'Ere, he says he's not dead.

Large Man

Yes he is.

"Dead" Man

I'm not.

Dead Collector

He isn't.

Large Man

Well, he will be soon, he's very ill.

"Dead" Man

I'm getting better.

Large Man

No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment.

Dead Collector

Well, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations.

"Dead" Man

I don't want to go on the cart.
Large Man': Oh, don't be such a baby.

Dead Collector

I can't take him.

"Dead" Man

I feel fine.

Large Man

Oh, do me a favor.

Dead Collector

I can't.

Large Man

Well, can you hang around for a couple of minutes? He won't be long.

Dead Collector

I promised I'd be at the Robinsons'. They've lost nine today.

Large Man

Well, when's your next round?

Dead Collector

Thursday.

"Dead" Man

I think I'll go for a walk.

Large Man

You're not fooling anyone, you know. Isn't there anything you could do?

"Dead" Man

I feel happy. I feel happy.

Large Man

[The collector paces for an idea, then whacks the body with his club, solving the problem]

Ah, thank you very much.

Dead Collector

Not at all. See you on Thursday.

Large Man

Right.

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Monty Python and the Holy Grail 1975 · 30 quotes · 24 characters All Monty Python and the Holy Grail quotes →
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