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[last title cards]
Title card: Jerry Lewis went on to become an enormously successful writer, director, producer and star of his own movies, all of which were box office hits. Every year he hosts the Muscular Dystrophy Telethon, for which he has raised over a billion dollars.
Title card: Dean Martin became a major movie star, and enjoyed a hugely successful recording career. In 1964, his recording of "Everybody Loves Somebody Sometime" knocked The Beatles out of first place. He had a hit variety show on television which lasted nine years.
Title card: Dean and Jerry did not see each other again for twenty years, when they were briefly reunited on the 1976 telethon. They rarely saw or spoke to each other after that.
Title card: Dean Martin died on Christmas Day, 1995.
Title card: Jerry Lewis went on to become an enormously successful writer, director, producer and star of his own movies, all of which were box office hits. Every year he hosts the Muscular Dystrophy Telethon, for which he has raised over a billion dollars.
Title card: Dean Martin became a major movie star, and enjoyed a hugely successful recording career. In 1964, his recording of "Everybody Loves Somebody Sometime" knocked The Beatles out of first place. He had a hit variety show on television which lasted nine years.
Title card: Dean and Jerry did not see each other again for twenty years, when they were briefly reunited on the 1976 telethon. They rarely saw or spoke to each other after that.
Title card: Dean Martin died on Christmas Day, 1995.
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[opening lines]
Jerry Lewis: You gotta do better than this for me, Abby.
Abby Greshler: I'm an agent, Jerry. I'm not the amazing Randi.
Jerry Lewis: I can kill. I know I can. I don't want anymore strip clubs, it's very hard to follow nipple tassels.
Abby Greshler: Well, you gotta start somewhere.. look, at least no one threw up on you.
Jerry Lewis: See to me, that doesn't make it a successful gig.
Abby Greshler: Yeah, well its hard to sell a record act, Jerry. You're gonna have to actually start talking on stage. Can you MC? I mean, can you talk normal long enough to introduce other acts?
Jerry Lewis: I can talk good anywhere... Except in front of people.
Abby Greshler: You're a very funny kid, Jerry. You got a lot of potential. Wanna be an MC along with your act. I think I can book you at the Havana-Madrid, very respectable place.
Jerry Lewis: People throw up there?
Abby Greshler: Only in the bathroom.
Jerry Lewis: That is respectable.
Jerry Lewis: You gotta do better than this for me, Abby.
Abby Greshler: I'm an agent, Jerry. I'm not the amazing Randi.
Jerry Lewis: I can kill. I know I can. I don't want anymore strip clubs, it's very hard to follow nipple tassels.
Abby Greshler: Well, you gotta start somewhere.. look, at least no one threw up on you.
Jerry Lewis: See to me, that doesn't make it a successful gig.
Abby Greshler: Yeah, well its hard to sell a record act, Jerry. You're gonna have to actually start talking on stage. Can you MC? I mean, can you talk normal long enough to introduce other acts?
Jerry Lewis: I can talk good anywhere... Except in front of people.
Abby Greshler: You're a very funny kid, Jerry. You got a lot of potential. Wanna be an MC along with your act. I think I can book you at the Havana-Madrid, very respectable place.
Jerry Lewis: People throw up there?
Abby Greshler: Only in the bathroom.
Jerry Lewis: That is respectable.
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[While Jerry is screen testing to play Al in My Friend Irma]
Hal Wallis: [after watching Jerry's test footage] Well, we're all friends here, so lets speak frankly. Jerry, your not an actor.
Jerry Lewis: I can do better.
Director: I worked with him as much as I could, Hal. We shot nine tests. He just doesn't have it.
Jerry Lewis: [offended] Fellas, I'm here in the room with you.
Hal Wallis: Jerry, don't take this personally.
Jerry Lewis: How?
Director: Jerry, this shows been on the radio for years. It has millions of fans. If someone who's not right plays Al, the audience will kill us.
Jerry Lewis: What about Dean?
Hal Wallis: Dean's great. He's very natural, he'll be perfect as Steve.
Director: Here's what Hal is thinking. We're gonna write a part just for you. We'll call him Seymour, a really wacky sidekick to Dean. You can just be yourself and have fun. It'll be perfect.
Jerry Lewis: [angrily] You listen to me, Mr. Wallis. Jerry Lewis plays Al like it says in my contract.
Hal Wallis: You listen to me, Jerry Lewis. I don't give a damn what it says in your contract. You're not right for Al, you're not playing Al. That's it, that's all.
Jerry Lewis: [angrily] I'm not playing Seymour. I'm playing Al. I can do it.
Hal Wallis: You don't wanna play Seymour, Jerry. I'll tell you what, you sit this picture out. We'll go for Dean to play Steve, we'll get a real actor to play Al, and you? Well, you can go back to New York.
Jerry Lewis: You can't do that! Dean and I are partners, we're a team. I don't like you, Hal Wallis.
Hal Wallis: Ahh, now you went and hurt my feelings. Abby, calm your client down.
Abby Greshler: Jerry, Dean is not exclusive to you. There's nothing stopping Hal from offering him a picture outside the seven pictures as a team.
Hal Wallis: Listen, I got a dozen other cry babies in this lot I gotta take care of, so what's it gonna be?
Jerry Lewis: [short pause] Alright, you win this time, Mr. Wallis. [walks away]
Hal Wallis: Hey, kid. The money always wins.
Hal Wallis: [after watching Jerry's test footage] Well, we're all friends here, so lets speak frankly. Jerry, your not an actor.
Jerry Lewis: I can do better.
Director: I worked with him as much as I could, Hal. We shot nine tests. He just doesn't have it.
Jerry Lewis: [offended] Fellas, I'm here in the room with you.
Hal Wallis: Jerry, don't take this personally.
Jerry Lewis: How?
Director: Jerry, this shows been on the radio for years. It has millions of fans. If someone who's not right plays Al, the audience will kill us.
Jerry Lewis: What about Dean?
Hal Wallis: Dean's great. He's very natural, he'll be perfect as Steve.
Director: Here's what Hal is thinking. We're gonna write a part just for you. We'll call him Seymour, a really wacky sidekick to Dean. You can just be yourself and have fun. It'll be perfect.
Jerry Lewis: [angrily] You listen to me, Mr. Wallis. Jerry Lewis plays Al like it says in my contract.
Hal Wallis: You listen to me, Jerry Lewis. I don't give a damn what it says in your contract. You're not right for Al, you're not playing Al. That's it, that's all.
Jerry Lewis: [angrily] I'm not playing Seymour. I'm playing Al. I can do it.
Hal Wallis: You don't wanna play Seymour, Jerry. I'll tell you what, you sit this picture out. We'll go for Dean to play Steve, we'll get a real actor to play Al, and you? Well, you can go back to New York.
Jerry Lewis: You can't do that! Dean and I are partners, we're a team. I don't like you, Hal Wallis.
Hal Wallis: Ahh, now you went and hurt my feelings. Abby, calm your client down.
Abby Greshler: Jerry, Dean is not exclusive to you. There's nothing stopping Hal from offering him a picture outside the seven pictures as a team.
Hal Wallis: Listen, I got a dozen other cry babies in this lot I gotta take care of, so what's it gonna be?
Jerry Lewis: [short pause] Alright, you win this time, Mr. Wallis. [walks away]
Hal Wallis: Hey, kid. The money always wins.