Uncle Monty quotes from Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events (2004)

I had a wife, and children...before the fire...

Klaus

A fire?

I may know better than anyone what you're going through. But it's gonna be alright. We'll be with people who can understand us, people who are like us, people who can appreciate unique and wonderful children who can invent and read and...bite things.

Violet

Uncle Monty...why are you doing all this?

Isn't that what family does?

Lemony Snicket

"And so, the Baudelaire children went to Peru, and together had wonderful adventures under the care of their wonderful and loving new guardian. The End." These are the words I so desparately wish I could write. Oh, I would give anything to say the story ends here. However, my duty is not to weave up happy endings where they do not occur, but report the actual events in the lives of the Baudelaire children. And much as it pains me, I am sorry to say the children's problems were just beginning and it did so with two musical notes.
[Doorbell rings]

Hello. I am looking for Dr. Montgomery Montgomery. I am Stephano. I am an Italian man and I am here to assist him in his research, as best I can. As well as to facilitate and remain observatory.

Violet

Count Olaf.

Oh. Now why would you say something like that? I have never met such a person as a Count Olaf, but if I had, I'm sure he would look and sound completely different.

Klaus

You're Olaf, and we're not letting you in.

Well, perhaps you should re-evaluate your hypothesis. [sees Uncle Monty] Anyway, that's why you should never run with one of these, kids.

Words of wisdom indeed, Mr. Stephano.

Oops, you caught me being a mentor.

Do you have any experience with children?

Ah. Well, children are strange and foreign to me. I never really was one. I know that they are an important part of the ecosystem.