Polly
You missed, ****face!
Johnny Dangerously
Michael Keaton · 11 quotes
Danny Vermin
Joe Piscopo · 9 quotes
Ma Kelly
7 quotes
Lil
Marilu Henner · 4 quotes
Tommy Kelly
Griffin Dunne · 4 quotes
Roman Moroni
2 quotes
Most scenes together: Johnny Dangerously & Lil (3)
Johnny Dangerously quotes
Page 1 of 3...that Roman Troy Maronie was responsible for the Mother's Day Massacre, the Christmas Day Slaughter, the Lincoln's Birthday Mutilations, and the Groundhog's Day Beheadings!
D.A. Burr Why don't you ease into the job, by taking a vacation?
But what about crime?
D.A. Burr Don't worry. It'll still be here when you get back!
Hiya doll. Whats your name?
Old Cleaning Lady Mary Margret Catherine Denine.
How would you like to make some money?
Mary
One at a time or both of you together.
How much would it cost for you to go clean room 708 and forget you ever saw us?
Mary
Seventeen thousand dollars.
Alright seventeen grand it is.
Dutch
It's the .88 Magnum. They made it for him special.
It shoots through schools.
Dutch
You can't park here. This is a handicapped zone.
I am handicapped. I'm psychotic.
All right, here it is. Johnny Dangerously is going legit.
Gang Member
Le-what?
Legit.
Gang Member
Le-why?
I'll tell you le-why. Le-cause Johnny Dangerously... is really Johnny Kelly, brother of the DA, Tommy Kelly.
Gang Member
Johnny, is this true? Because if it is, I don't know how to react.
Say kid, what do they call you?
Impressive.
Whatcha cookin' here, Ma?
Beer.
With noodles! Great idea!
Get this to Johnny on the grapevine. Vermin is going to kill Johnny's brother at the Savoy theater tomorrow night. Got it?
Polly
Got it.
Polly
Vermin is going to kill Johnny's brother at the Savoy theater, pass it on.
Prisoner
Vermin is going to kill Johnny's brother at the Savoy theater tonight, pass it on.
Prisoner
Vermin is going to kill Johnny's mother at the Savoy theater tonight, pass it on.
Prisoner
Vermin's mother is going to kill Johnny tonight at the Savoy theater, pass it on.
Prisoner
There's a message an the grapevine, Johnny.
Yeah? What is it?
Prisoner
Johnny and the Mothers are playin' Stompin' at the Savoy in Vermont tonight.
Vermin's going to kill my brother at the Savoy theater tonight!
Prisoner
I didn't say that.
No, but I know this grapevine.
So when I was 18 I left home and came here to Chicago.
Uh Lil, this ain't Chicago. We're in New York.
You're kidding... Well, New York, Chicago, to a girl on her own, it's all the same.
You've gotten to be like a daughter to me and I wanna share somethin' with ya.
Awww, what's that Mom Kelley?
I go both ways.
I just have one last question for you. If a train left New York at 300 miles per hour, and accelerated speed 15 miles per hour, and traveled a distance of 683 miles, tell me sir: what time would that train reach Chicago?!
That's a fargin' trick question!
Warden
Johnny it's an honor to have you on Death Row.
Ah don't be silly. The pleasure is all mine.
Warden
Your turn, Johnny. The priest you've requested has arrived.
Priest Are you ready my son?
I'm ready if you are, Father.
Priest Dominus nabiscum, Nabisco. Esperitu sanctum. Dey gas da bus.
Prisoner
So long, Johnny.
Prisoners begin handing Johnny pieces of a Tommy gun as he and the priest make their way down the row. He assembles it as they walk.
You bet.
Priest Me gas da bus. You gas da bus. We missed the bus. They missed the bus.
Prisoner
Be brave, huh, Johnny?
Priest When's the next bus?
Always, Nails.
Priest Summa **** laude. Magna **** laude. The radio's too loudy. Adeste fidelis.
Prisoner
Good luck, Johnny.
Johnny continues to assemble the gun.
Priest Semper fidelis. Hi fidelis.
Why didn't I take shop?
Priest Post meridian. Ante-meridian. Uncle Meridian. All the little meridians.
Prisoner
Bye bye, Johnny.
Bye, Rock.
Priest The Magna Carta. Master charga.
Prisoner
Spit in his eye, Johnny.
You bet, Rabbi.
Priest Dum procellas. Lotsa Vitalis.
Johnny receives the last piece of the gun.
Warden
Do you have any last words, Johnny?
Johnny aims the now-completed gun at the warden and **** it.
Warden
Well said!