Navin, it's your birthday, and it's time you knew. You're not our natural-born child.
You mean I'm going to stay this color??
I'd love you if you were the color of a baboon's ass.
Boy, get to work in there!
But sir, I don't even work here.
Not even for $1.10 an hour?
Boy, I wish I could get that excited about nothing.
Nothing? Are you kidding? Page 73 - Johnson, Navin R.! I'm somebody now! Millions of people look at this book everyday! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity - your name in print - that makes people. I'm in print! Things are going to start happening to me now.
[Stan Fox's glasses keep slipping off]
Damn these glasses.
Yes, sir.
Why are you crying? And why are you wearing that old dress?
Because I just heard a song on the radio that reminded me of the way we were.
What was it?
"The Way We Were."
I'm gonna bounce back and when I do I'm gonna buy you a diamond so big it's gonna make you puke.
I don't wanna puke.
Good things are gonna start happening to me now.
[Crazy guy with gun scrolls through a phone book]
Johnson, Navin R... Sounds like a typical bastard.
[a sniper keeps missing Navin and hitting cans of motor oil]
He hates these cans. Stay away from the cans.
[Navin works as a weight guesser in a circus. One night a fellow circus worker, Patty the bike rider, takes him to a bike ride and then gets him to enter her trailer]
What a great place! You know, you can tell so much about a person from the way they live. Just looking around here I can tell...you're a genuinely dirty person.
Navin R. Johnson (holding the helmet she gave him earlier): What do I do with this?
Patty Bernstein (taking the helmet and throwing it across the trailer): Oh, you keep it there.
Navin R. Johnson (holding also leftovers from a corn dog): Where's your garbage?
Patty Bernstein (taking Navin's corn dog and throwing it across the trailer as well): there.
Patty Bernstein (lying down on her bed): You know what I'd like to do?
What?
Guess...your weight.
Hey, that would be interesting for me, no one has tried to guess my weight! You see, I guess their weight so it's sort of a...
Put your arms up.
This will give me a whole different perspective on this.
[Patty squeezes Navin's backside] Navin R. Johnson (starts getting nervous): Hey! You're really trying to be accurate!
Is it getting hot in here?
[The view switch to the outside of the trailer, as we still hear their voices] Navin R. Johnson (suddenly yelling in a mixture of shock and excitement): Wait a minute - what's happening to my special purpose!?
Patty Bernstein (in a passionate voice): What's your special purpose?
Navin R. Johnson (still yelling): Well, when I was a kid my mom told me... there goes my special purpose! And someday I'd find out what my special purpose was!
Today's the day!
(moaning as we see the whole trailer shakes from the outside)
: Hey, this is like a ride!
[Patty laughts in wicked voice] [On the porch of Navin's old house] Grandmother (reading a letter Navie sent his family): My dear family, guess what. Today I found out what my special purpose is for. Gosh what a great time I had. I wish my whole family could have been here with me. Maybe some other time as I intend to do this a lot. Every chance I get. I think next week I'll be able to send some more money as I may have extra work. My friend Patty promised me a blow job. Your loving son, Navin. (she stops reading) And he's got the kisses here.
That Patty must be a sweet girl.
God bless her.
