Are you Miss Bailey? Come, come! One of us is Miss Bailey, and I'm not!
Connie I'm Miss Bailey, and who are you?
[He pulls out an invisible calling card]
I'm Professor Wagstaff. Who are you?
Connie Miss Bailey!
Ah, then you are Miss Bailey! Thought you could slip one over on me, didn't you? Listen, Madam, you've got to give my son up.
Connie Give him up?
You can't take him from me! He's all I've got in the world, except a picture of George Washington crossing the Delaware.
Connie But, Professor, I...
Whatever you say is a lie! He's only a shell of his former self which nobody can deny. Whoopee! I tell you, you're ruining that boy, you're ruining him. [sitting in her lap] Did my son tell you you have beautiful eyes?
Connie Why, yes.
Told me that, too! Tells that to everyone he meets! Oh, I love sitting on your lap. I could sit here all day if you didn't stand up.
This is the first time I've been out in a canoe since I saw The American Tragedy.
Connie Oh, you're perfectly safe, Professor, in this boat.
I don't know. I was going to get a flat bottom but the girl at the boat house didn't have one.
Connie Well you know, Professor, I could go on like this, drifting and dreaming forever. What a day! Spring in the air.
Who, me? I should spring in the air and fall in the lake?
Connie Oh, Professor, you're full of whimsy.
Can you notice it from there? I'm always that way after I eat radishes. (he adjusts his jacket, and a piece of paper falls from his pocket into the lake; he grabs an oar and tries to pull it back)
Connie Oh, is that important? (tries to help him)
Is it important?! Those are the football signals! (a duck begins eating the signals, Wagstaff sits down again) Let 'em go. Luckily, I've got a duplicate set in my pocket. I always carry two of everything- this is the first time I've ever been out with one woman.
Connie Oh, you mean you take two girls out every time?
(nods)
Particularly in an automobile- I hate to see a girl walk home alone.
Connie Do you know, Professor, I've never seen football signals? Do you think a little girl like me could understand them?
I think a little girl like you would understand practically anything.
Connie Is gweat big stwong man gonna show liddle icky baby all about the bad footbawl signals?
[startled]
Was that you or the duck? 'Cause if it was you, I'm gonna finish this ride with the duck.
Connie If icky baby don't learn about the footbawl signals, icky baby gonna cwy.
If icky girl keep on tawking that way, big stwong man gonna kick all her teef wight down her thwoat.
