SM Sergeant Major Choozoo
[Gunnery Sergeant Highway, newly-arrived on base, has come to battalion headquarters and found Sergeant Major Choozoo's office. The door is open, and Highway enters and helps himself to the coffee in the Sergeant Major's mug.] [Entering the office]
Hey, crotch rot, you gonna slurp my lifer's juice out of my own cup?
Yeah, I should've gotten shots beforehand.
C Choozoo
If your brain was half as quick as your mouth, skunk stool, you'd be a friggin' twenty-star general by now.
H Highway
And if I was half as ugly as you, Sergeant Major, I'd be a poster boy for a prophylactic.
C Choozoo
Still a mean and nasty bastard. God-damn good to see you, Tom! [Hugs Highway] Back where you belong!
H Highway
Hey, go easy on me, or else everybody's gonna think I'm spoken for.
You see, it's all a question of mind over matter. We no longer mind, 'cause, you don't matter. You've been voted out of office, baby.
H Highway
Mister Jones, you fall out in that street or I'm gonna kick your ass right off this ****in' planet.
Oh, I don't think so, babe. Swede!
RP Recon Platoon
[Chanting loudly]
Swede, Swede, Swede, Swede, Swede!
[A tall and powerfully-built Marine (Swede Johanson) comes into view, standing in front of Highway and menacingly towering over him]
Uh, Gunny, I'd like you to meet my big friend, Swede Johanson. Swede, say something charming to the man.
SJ Swede Johanson
I'm gonna rip your head off and shit down your neck.
H Highway
[Swede throws the first punch; Highway dodges it and grabs Swede's arm in a joint lock, forcing him down]
Stick your chin up. [Swede does] Higher. [punches Swede, knocking him to the floor] Now get your ass out in that street, ladies. Right this second.
[hastily]
Uh, I'll catch you later, Swede!
SJ Swede Johanson
[The platoon rushes outside; Swede gets up and faces Highway]
Sir, I'll wait outside for the MPs to come.
TH Thomas Highway
Negative, Johanson. You're going to become a Marine, right now. [Swede gives him a questioning look as he realizes he won't go to the brig] Fall out.
SJ Swede Johanson
Yes, sir.
F Frageti
[Frageti, Jones, and Collins are marching through the woods at the head of Recon Platoon. They forget to watch the ground as they go, and all three walk into the same rope strung low across the ground; in the Vietnam War the Vietcong were known to use this as a trigger for a booby-trap consisting of one or more grenades, whose pins are pulled out when someone walks into the rope.]
What the hell was that?
H Highway
You're dead, Marine! You just stepped on four booby traps and blew your legs off! We'll have to send out a search party for your testicles! Now where the hell's your backup?
H Highway
[Behind them, Profile raises a hand nervously as Highway turns and stares at him.]
What the **** good are you doing back there? Without any cover fire I get my ass blown off! [Turns back to the three Marines who tripped over the rope] While you guys are sitting there pumpin' the neighbor's dog we get every swingin' dick in this platoon killed!
Hey, chill out, man; that's what we're here for.
We're here for that! We've ambushed Major Powers three times and always right here; we know what we're doing.
H Highway
Well, Shit-For-Brains, who says we're gonna ambush Major Powers right here?
Hey, you didn't hear Lieutenant Ring? Major Powers wants us to die in a loud, grotesque, military manner.
H Highway
I don't give a **** about Major Powers. My job is to keep you men alive. Let's move on.
[Soon after, Major Powers and his platoon are on the march in the open.]
We should be coming to the ambush site over the next hill.
SM Sergeant Major Choozoo
Sure does help knowin' where and when you're gonna be hit, sir.
H Highway
[Unknown to these Marines, Recon Platoon is watching with weapons trained on them.]
Easy. Give 'em a few more yards, then we'll nail the coffin shut. [they let First Platoon walk farther into the ambush] Okay now.
Fill out the proper request forms and send it through the chain of command.
H Highway
[In disbelief]
Request forms?
[Colonel Meyers, commander of the 8th Marine Regiment, arrives.]
Ten-hut!
CM Colonel Meyers
At ease, men.
Major Malcom Powers, sir. Annapolis, Class of '71.
CM Colonel Meyers
How are your men doing, Major?
My men are ready to fight to the death to protect our country, sir.
CM Colonel Meyers
[A beat as Colonel Meyers, a combat veteran, looks at him]
Let's hope that won't be necessary. [Notices Highway] Have we ever served together?
H Highway
I don't know, sir. Sergeant Major Choozoo and I were in 2nd Battalion, 7th in '68.
CM Colonel Meyers
I had a rifle company in 1st Battalion, 7th.
H Highway
[Smiles]
Well, we sure as hell chewed some of the same dirt, sir.
CM Colonel Meyers
That's for sure. What's your assessment of this alert?
H Highway
It's a cluster****.
CM Colonel Meyers
Say again?
H Highway
Marines are fighting men. They shouldn't be sitting around on their sorry asses filling out request forms for equipment they should already have.
CM Colonel Meyers
Interesting observation, Gunny. Carry on, Major.
TH Thomas Highway
What's the matter?
How could I be so stupid?
TH Thomas Highway
What the hell were you talking about?
You bastard! You son of a bitch, you changed tactics on me, didn't you?
TH Thomas Highway
What the **** were you talking about?
Gave up the old frontal assault, you tried to out-goddamn-flank me. Well, I am onto you, Highway and I want you out of here, right now!
TH Thomas Highway
Oh, Jesus Christ, you're not acting very dignified for a mature woman.
What, you old **** Marine warhorse, I'll show you dignified! Go on! Get out of here! Now go on! Get the **** out of here! You better get your tail out of here and I'm gonna get mad! Shit, get your tail out of here! Take that, you old ****! I may never wanna see your craggy, old face again, do you hear me? Don't ever come back. Ever, ever, ever! How dare you...
TH Thomas Highway
[Highway leaves and stands outside; Aggie continues yelling and throwing things around inside]
She's as crazy as she's always been, for Christ's sake.
TH Thomas Highway
Shit. ****. Damn it!
I love you, Highway! **** you!
RJ Roy Jennings
Tonight's winner is Miss Sarita Dwayne!
(People Chattering)
Wait a minute, man. That's bullshit.
TH Thomas Highway
I don't play none of this jail give-up-the-booty bullshit. Powers will thin-slice your prick as soon as the war goes.
TH Thomas Highway
What a dirty, stinking mess. He needs you, Aggie.
TH Thomas Highway
What's the matter?
How could I be so stupid?
TH Thomas Highway
What the hell were you talking about?
You bastard! You son of a bitch, you changed tactics on me, didn't you?
TH Thomas Highway
What the **** were you talking about?
Gave up the old frontal assault, you tried to out-goddamn-flank me. Well, I am onto you, Highway and I want you out of here, right now!
TH Thomas Highway
Oh, Jesus Christ, you're not acting very dignified for a mature woman.
What, you old **** Marine warhorse, I'll show you dignified! Go on! Get out of here! Now go on! Get the **** out of here! You better get your tail out of here and I'm gonna get mad! Shit, get your tail out of here! Take that, you old ****! I may never wanna see your craggy, old face again, do you hear me? Don't ever come back. Ever, ever, ever! How dare you...
TH Thomas Highway
[Highway leaves and stands outside; Aggie continues yelling and throwing things around inside]
She's as crazy as she's always been, for Christ's sake.
TH Thomas Highway
Shit. ****. Damn it!
I love you, Highway! **** you!
(Military Drumming)
Yeah, Gunney, what's the deal, man? This is another bullshit alert, right?
TH Thomas Highway
We're going to war, men.
TH Thomas Highway
We're going to assist in an operation on the island of Grenada to rescue of the American citizens there.
Grenada. It's a Caribbean island also known as "The Isle of Spice". It's 86 nautical miles from the northeast coast of Venezuela. Now our mission is to helo-cast into a small bay into the west side of the island and recon in advance before the Marine landing force.
Yes, yes, I can do that, man. I forgot my suntan oil.
TH Thomas Highway
Come on, it's time to earn your pay. Let's go.
LR Lieutenant Ring
Come on, pick it up. Let's go.
PA PA Announcer
Now hear this. Now hear this. Flight deck, prepare to launch helo. Prepare to launch helo.
(Helicopter Whirring) (Band Playing "How Much I Care") (Military Drumming)
Over there!
TH Thomas Highway
Your glasses. Get ready!
(Military Music Playing)
