Harry
I can't let you out, Hedwig. I'm not allowed to use magic outside of school. Besides, if Uncle Vernon...
Harry Potter!
Harry
Now you've done it.
He's in there. Vernon?
I'm warning you. If you can't control that bloody bird, it'll have to go.
Harry
But she's bored. If I could only let her out for an hour or two.
So you can send secret messages to your freaky little friends? No, sir.
Harry
But I haven't had any messages from any of my friends. Not one, all summer.
Who would want to be friends with you? [bumps Harry harshly]
I should think you'd be a little more grateful. We've raised you since you were a baby, given you the food off our table, even let you have Dudley's second bedroom, purely out of the goodness of our hearts.
Not now, bumpkins. It's for when the Masons arrive.
Which should be any minute. [motions for his family to come over] Now, let's go over the schedule once again, shall we? Petunia, when the Masons arrive, you will be...?
In the lounge, waiting to welcome them graciously to our home.
Good. And, Dudley, you will be...?
I'll be waiting to open the door.
Excellent. [to Harry; sternly] And you?
Harry
I'll be in my bedroom, making no noise and pretending that I don't exist.
Too right, you will. With any luck, this could well be the day I make the biggest deal of my career. And you will not mess it up.
Dobby
Harry Potter! Such an honor it is!
Harry
Who are you?
Dobby
Dobby, sir. Dobby the house-elf.
Harry
Not to be rude or anything, but this isn't a great time for me to have a house-elf in my bedroom.
Dobby
Oh, oh, yes, sir! Dobby understands! It's just that Dobby has come to tell you... It is difficult, sir. Dobby wonders where to begin.
Harry
Why don't you sit down?
Dobby
Sit down? Sit down? [begins to cry and leaves the bed]
Harry
Dobby. I'm sorry! I didn't mean to offend you or anything.
Dobby
Offend Dobby? Dobby has heard of your greatness, sir, but never has he been asked to sit down by a wizard, like an equal.
Harry
You can't have met many decent wizards, then.
Dobby
No, I haven't. [walks to the dresser] That was an awful thing to say. Bad Dobby! Bad Dobby!
Harry
Stop, Dobby! Dobby, shush! Dobby, please, stop!
Oh, don't mind that. It's just the cat.
Dobby
Bad Dobby!
Harry
Stop! Stop, Dobby! Please be quiet. Are you all right?
Dobby
Dobby had to punish himself, sir. Dobby almost spoke ill of his family.
Harry
Your family?
Dobby
The wizard family Dobby serves, sir. Dobby is bound to serve one family forever. If they knew Dobby was here... [shivers] But Dobby had to come. Dobby has to protect Harry Potter, to warn him. Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry this year! There is a plot, a plot to make most terrible things happen.
Harry
What terrible things? Who's plotting them?
Dobby
Can't say.
Harry
Okay, I understand. You can't say.
Dobby
Don't make me talk, I... [climbs up on Harry's desk and hits himself with a lamp] Bad Dobby!
Harry
Dobby. Dobby, put the lamp down.
So, when they arrive at the ninth hole... [hears the noise coming from upstairs]
Harry
Give me the lamp! Dobby, stop! [yanks the lamp out of Dobby's hands and carries him by the mark]
Dobby
Let me go!
Harry
Get in there and keep quiet! [closes the door]
What the devil are you doing up here?!
Harry
I was just...
You've just ruined the punch line of my Japanese golfer joke.
Harry
Sorry.
One more sound and you'll wish you'd never been born, boy! And fix that door!
Harry
Yes, sir. [lets Dobby out of the closet after Uncle Vernon leaves the room] See why I've got to go back? I don't belong here. I belong in your world, at Hogwarts. It's the only place I've got friends.
Dobby
Friends who don't even write to Harry Potter?
Harry
Well, I expect they've… [realizes] Hang on. How do you know my friends haven't been writing to me?
Dobby
Harry Potter mustn't be angry with Dobby. Dobby hoped if Harry Potter thought his friends had forgotten him, [takes out a stack of letters] Harry Potter might not want to go back to school, sir.
Harry
Give me those. Now!
Dobby
NO! [bolts out of the room and heads downstairs as Harry chases after him, sees the cake, and gets a mischievous idea]
Harry
Dobby, get back here! [Dobby snaps his fingers, making the cake magically float; begging] Dobby, please, no.
Dobby
Harry Potter must say he's not going back to school!
Harry
I can't. Hogwarts is my home!
Dobby
Then Dobby must do it, sir, for Harry Potter's own good. [snaps his fingers and the cake floats forward, hovering over Mrs. Mason; Harry walks slowly to grab the cake; snaps his fingers, making the cake fall on Mrs. Mason, covering her in frosting…]
I'm so sorry. It's my nephew, he's very disturbed. Meeting strangers upsets him. That's why I kept him upstairs.
[Harry looks down annoyed at Dobby, who sheepishly snaps his fingers and disappears]
