Hey, pardon me for asking, but who's the little old man?
Oh, that one, that's my grandfather.
George Your grandfather?
George That's not your grandfather.
George But I've seen your grandfather. He lives in your house.
Oh, that's my other grandfather, but he's my grandfather as well.
How do you reckon that one out?
Well, everyone's entitled to two, aren't they, and he's my other one.
We know that. But what's he doing here?
Well, my mother thought the trip would do him good.
He's nursing a broken heart.
Are you listening to me, Lennon?
[Playing around with a bottle of Coke]
You're a swine. Ain't he George?
George Yeah, a swine.
Thanks. [Sees Paul's grandfather] Hey!
B Beatles
WHO'S THAT LITTLE OLD MAN?
George What's the matter with you, then?
It's his grandfather. I can tell he doesn't like me. It's cause I'm little.
George Ah, you've got an inferiority complex, you have.
Yeah, I know, that's why I play the drums - it's me active compensatory factor.
George You do, repeatedly.
Yeah, you're a window rattler, son.
That's just your opinion. Do I snore, Paul?
With a trombone hooter like yours, it would be unnatural if you didn't.
Grandfather Now, Paulie... don't mock the afflicted.
Ah, come off it, it's only a joke.
Grandfather Aye, it may be a joke to you, but it's his nose. He can't help having a hideous great hooter. And the poor little head, trembling under the weight of it.
[Ringo goes to the closet to put his jacket away, opens the door, then promptly closes it and walks back to the others.]
Hey, any of you put a man in the cupboard?
George Nah.
George [George goes to the closet, opens it, seeing the man inside, closes the door and comes back.]
He's right, you know.
Simon Marshall We'd like you to give us your opinion on some clothes for teenagers.
George Oh, by all means. I'd be quite prepared for that eventuality.
Simon Marshall Well, not your real opinion, naturally. It'll be written out, and you'll learn it. Can he read?
George 'Course I can.
Simon Marshall I mean lines, ducky, can you handle lines?
George Well, I'll have a bash.
Simon Marshall Good. Give him whatever it is they drink, uh, Coke-a-rama?
George Ta.
Simon Marshall Well, at least he's polite. Show him the shirts, Adrian. [Adrian, Simon's assistant, hands George some shirts] Now, you'll like these. You'll really "dig" them. They're "fab," and all the other pimply hyperboles.
George [Gives the shirts to Dolly, the secretary, unimpressed]
I wouldn't be seen dead in them. They're dead grotty.
Simon Marshall "Grotty"?
George Yeah, grotesque.
Simon Marshall [To Dolly]
Make a note of that word and give it to Susan. It's rather touching, really. Here's this kid, trying to give me his utterly valueless opinion, when I know for a fact that within a month, he'll be suffering from a violent inferiority complex and loss of status, because he isn't wearing one of these nasty things. Of course they're grotty, you wretched nit. That's why they were designed. But that's what you'll want.
George I won't.
Simon Marshall You can be replaced, chickie baby.
George I don't care.
Simon Marshall And that pose is out too, Sonny Jim. The new thing is to care passionately and be right-wing. Anyway, if you don't cooperate, you won't meet Susan.
George And who's this Susan when she's at home?
Simon Marshall Only Susan Canby, our resident teenager. You'll have to love her, she's your symbol.
George Oh, you mean that posh bird who gets everything wrong?
Simon Marshall I beg your pardon?
George Oh, yeah. The lads frequently sit 'round the television and watch her for a giggle. In fact, once, we all sat down and wrote these letters, saying how gear she was and all that rubbish.
Simon Marshall She's a trendsetter. It's her profession.
George She's a drag - a well-known drag. We turn the sound down on her and say rude things.
Simon Marshall [horrified]
Get him out of here...
George Have I said something amiss?
Simon Marshall Get him out. He's knocking the program's image.
George Sorry about the shirts.
Simon Marshall Get him out!
