Cole's mother quotes from Ghosted (2023)

Hey, Coleslaw.

Hey, Dad.

Thanks for closing up the stand for me last night.

Not a problem.

Edna gave me a hand. She was high.

Look who's finally home. [Hugs him deeply]

God, take it easy, Mom.

He just got back from having sex with a stranger, not fighting the Germans.

Okay, now, come on. Spill the beans.

Well... [sighs] her name is Sadie, and she is... She's incredible. I mean, I know this sounds a little crazy, but... [chuckles] I think she might be the one.

Oh, really? Well, that's fast. Well, I can't wait to meet her.

Did you tell her you wrestled in high school?

No.

What is this? You took a selfie in bed while she was asleep? Dude, that's weird. That's what serial killers do before they kill their victims and harvest their eyelids.

I was happy. I wanted to preserve the moment. [Stammers]

He is doing it again!

Doing what?

It's just... Cole, you can get a bit...

Smothering, needy, pathetic, desperate, delusional.

What?

Yeah, stuff like this. The stupid gifts, the constant texting. I mean, that's why things never worked out with Fiona.

Fiona was a bitch. You're a hopeless romantic, just like your mom.

Tell her you wrestled in high school.

Look, I'm not needy, and I'm not smothering. And for your information, I've sent Sadie one text today. One. Three. And some light emoji stuff, but that doesn't count.

Emoji stuff counts. He is gonna blow it. Mark my words. [She walks away]

I'm not gonna bl- [sighs]

Good news. Mortgage refinancing rates have never been lower.

Any word? Maybe your phone's broken.

Yeah, maybe you should do a hard reset.

There's nothing wrong with my phone.

Oh, no, no, no, I meant with your life. You know, grow a pair, move out of your parents' house.

Guesthouse.

Well, I'm sure there's a logical reason for it.

There is. He came off way too strong, so she ghosted him.

Ghosted?

Yeah. It's when someone breaks off all contact. For example, let's just say a young lady makes a horrible, horrible mistake one night, and then the guy just keeps on texting her with emojis, over and over.

She did not ghost me, okay?

Mmm. She did.
...

Hey, pal, you're huffing and puffing. Why don't you take a hit off your scuba? Come on, hey. Let's go.

Oh, my God. [Breathing panicky]
...

Sorry. You "did the-leave-behind-your-inhaler"? Come on. Isn't your asthma sad enough already?

It wasn't left behind. I forgot it in her purse. And it has one of those, uh, tiles on it. Those tracking things that I use. All right. Drumroll, please. The woman of my dreams is in... [Phone reveals location] London.

England?

Oh, London, the Lady in the Mist.

No one calls it that.

The Gray Lady.

No, that's New York Times.

Are ya sure?

Yes.

She does travel a lot for work.

Well, there you go. That makes sense. She probably got called away last minute on this job and had to rush over there. You know, international calling plans and whatnot. I bet she hasn't even seen your texts.

Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Okay.

Exactly.

Okay, so this is fine?

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Cole, you should go over there.

What?

Yeah, show up and surprise her. It'd be a romantic gesture, something we can tell our grandchildren.

Mom, you can't be serious. Cole, going to London? No.

Why not? This is a perfect opportunity to get out there and grab life by the horns.

She's gonna think you're psycho.

Or she'll think that I'm the kind of guy that's willing to jump on a plane at a moment's notice.

Wait, but you're not that kind of guy. You do not travel anywhere. You haven't even left the country.

That's not true. He was conceived in Ontario.

Cole, you can do this.

Yeah, but what about the farm? There's so much to do. I can't just leave you here.

Coleslaw, don't worry about the farm.

Yeah.

By the horns.

Come on.

Yeah, go to her.

Oh, you know what I have? You remember that spring break where I was supposed to go to Spain and I gave up my seat and I got a voucher?

That is my point exactly, Cole. You missed spring break to get a stupid voucher, which you never used. I mean, that is the type of guy you are.

Not today.

Oh, you still have... [laughs]

Oh, I've got goose bumps.

Oh, thanks for the warning.

I'm going to London.