Four Weddings And A Funeral 1994 quotes, page 2

Charles

Carrie asks Charles's opinion on her wedding dress
It is dangerous! You know, there's nothing more off-putting in a wedding than a priest with an enormous erection, yech!

Tom

Oh, I don't know, Charlie. Unlike you, I never expected "the thunderbolt." I always just hoped that, that I'd meet some nice friendly girl, like the look of her, hope the look of me didn't make her physically sick, then pop the question and, um, settle down and be happy. It worked for my parents. Well, apart from the divorce and all that.

Fiona: How's Duckface?
Charles: Good form actually, not too mad.

American wedding guest: Do you actually know Oscar Wilde?
Gareth: Not personally no. But I do know someone who could get you his fax number. Shall we dance?

Fiona: about congratulating parents of bride and groom God, I never know what to say in these ghastly line-ups.
Gareth: It's a cinch! Just give a big warm hug and say the bride looks... pregnant.
Matthew: Or you can stick with convention and say "You must be very proud."
Fiona: Heaven preserve us...
in the line
Fiona: You must be very proud!

Charles

Another wedding invitation. And a list. Lovely.

Vomiting Veronica: to her husband about going to India with Charles Charles was vile. He insisted on cracking jokes all the time I was ill.
Charles: I was only trying to cheer you up, V.
Naughty Nicki: Oh, you're that Veronica!
Vomiting Veronica: Which Veronica? Charlie?
Charles: trying to change the subject Remember Bombay?
Naughty Nicki: When Charles and I were going out, he told me he had this interesting journey around India with Vomiting Veronica. I think that was it.
Charles: embarassed I don't remember - maybe I did.
Mocking Martha: Oh, come on Charles! I don't think I've ever been out with anyone less discreet. I remember you going on about this one girl - Helena wasn't it... who's mother made a pass at you...
Vomiting Veronica: I remember this! You couldn't work it out whether or not it'd be impolite not to except her advances!
Naughty Nicki: Helena was Ms. Piggy! So her mother was Mrs. Piggy!
all laugh
Miss Piggy: who's been with them the whole time We've both lost a lot of weight since then!

Charles and David are conversing in sign language with Carrie present
Charles: We were buying her a wedding dress.
David: Pathetic excuse. Who's she marrying?
Charles: Some total penis.
David: What is it about penises that they get such great wives?

Serena: Excuse me? points out Charles's brother, who is talking to Charles in sign language Who's the boy over there? In the grey?
Matthew: Name's David.
Serena: watching David admiringly He's something of a dish, isn't he.
Matthew: I've always thought so.
Serena: Why are they... why are they...? mimicking the sign language
Matthew: Oh, the dish can't hear.
Serena: Gosh...
Matthew: Yeah. Silent, but deadly attractive.

Scarlett: [At wedding one, the bride walks down the aisle] Isn't she beautiful?
Fiona: Scarlett, you're blind, she looks like a big meringue.

Charles is translating what his brother David is saying about Carrie in sign language
David: signing Beautiful breasts.
Charles: Err, he says, "That's a beautiful place. Hilly."

Scarlett

Young Bridesmaid: What's bonking?
Scarlett: Well, it's kinda like table tennis, only with slightly smaller balls.

George the boor at The Boatman: If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels but have not love, I am as a sounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
Gareth: Good point.

Charles

Charles: Perhaps we should've got married.
Henrietta: No! I'd have had to marry your friends, and I'm not sure I could take Fiona.
Charles: Fiona loves you.
Henrietta: Fiona calls me Duckface.
Charles: Well, I never heard that.