In a story so bizarre I can scarcely believe the event I'm reporting, and yet corroborated by at least a dozen eyewitnesses, a white male apparently fell from the sky above downtown Los Angeles today, landed in the middle of a busy intersection, destroying one vehicle and hospitalizing its elderly driver, and then was removed from the scene before emergency personnel could respond. Without a body, the police have yet to piece together the events of a day that can only be described as...implausible. Reports of a second body landing in the Boyle Heights area have yet to be confirmed and are being treated as the bullshit they most likely are.