P.T. Flea Uh, no refunds after the first two minutes.
More lines from P.T. Flea
3 quotes P.T. Flea P.T. Flea You're all fired.
P.T. Flea Bugs will pay big bucks to see, a bonfire that is starring me!
Scenes with P.T. Flea
6 scenesGet back! Get back! Get back, you horrible beast! I have no fear!
Oh! [whimpers]
Oh, no.
Owie! Owie, owie! [sobs]
Okay, show Rosie the owie. All right, Dim. It's okay.
Fly Mom
[disappointed sighs]
I have been in outhouses that didn't stink that bad. This is ridiculous. What a disappointment.
P.T. Flea [gasps]
No!
Complaining Fly
You! Come here! I want my money back!
P.T. Flea Uh, no refunds after the first two minutes!
Cockroach
Popcorn! Stale popcorn!
P.T. Flea We're losing the audience! You clowns get out there now!
I hate performing on an empty stomach!
P.T. Flea Do your act, Heimlich, then you can eat!
P.T., what's the point?
P.T. Flea Not now, Slim.
What's the point of going out there? They'll only laugh at me.
P.T. Flea That's because you're a CLOWN!
No, it's because I'm a PROP! You always cast me as the broom! The pole! The stick! A splinter!
P.T. Flea You're a walking stick! IT'S FUNNY! NOW, GO!
You parasite.
[The other flies are booing. Slim and Francis prance in the arena with flowers on their heads] [dryly]
Tra-la-la-la-la. Spring is in the air, and I'm a flower with nothing interesting to say.
A bee!
I am a cute little bumblebee!
[Slim and Francis are dramatically screaming] [panting]
Slow down, you flowers! Oh! Candy corn! [pants] Here. Let me help you to finish it.
Fly Brother #1
[to Francis]
Hey, cutie! Wanna pollinate with a real bug? [laughs]
[flies up to the pair of flies and angrily throws his hat off]
SO, being a ladybug automatically makes me a girl! Is that it, flyboy?! Huh?!
Fly Brother #2
Yikes!
Fly Brother #1
She's a guy!
P.T. Flea Not again! [hops off]
Judging by your breath, you must have been buzzing around a dung heap all day!
Come on, Francis, You're making the maggots cry.
P.T. Flea [The baby maggots wail. Large wings with eye spots fan out. They belong to a moth, Gypsy, who preens and warms up her voice in a dressing room. Gypsy operatic vocalizing]
All right, we're dying out there. Gypsy, quick, you and Manny...
Shh. He's in a trance.
P.T. Flea [An elderly praying mantis, Manny, is shown in the room rubbing his temples with his eyes closed]
Well, get him out of it! You and your husband are up now!
Manny, we're on!
Oh? Yet again, it is up to me to rescue the performance. Gypsy, come.
Yes, of course.
[We cut to Francis, whose face is reflected multiple times in the fly's eyes]
Anytime, pal! I'm gonna pick the hairs out of your head one by one!
Fly Brother #1
Take your best shot!
You name the place!
Fly Brother #2
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, 'cause when you get there, YOU ARE DEAD!
I heard that, you twig!
P.T. Flea Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present Manto the Magnificent and his lovely assistant, Gypsy!
[?]
From the most mysterious regions of uncharted Asia, I give you the Chinese Cabinet of Metamorphosis!
P.T. Flea Rosie, whole troupe! On stage! Finale! Now!
P.T. Flea Now!
Coming. Coming. Tuck, Roll. Let's get moving, guys. We're up next.
Up-a! Up-a! [speaking gibberish]
Hey! They don't understand me.
I summon the voice of Confucius...
Circus Fly
Get off the stage, you old hack!
[Fruit continues to hit Manny as he storms offstage. Gypsy remains inside the food container] [muffled]
Manny? Manny!
Fly Brother #2
I only got 24 hours to live, and I ain't gonna waste it here! Come on!
P.T. Flea [P.T. runs to a matchbox and takes a match]
I've just about had it with these losers! [Strikes the match and hops onto his thimble in the center ring] FLAMING DEATH!!!
P.T. Flea [The leaving flies stop to look]
I hold in my hand the match! The match that decides whether two bugs live or die this very evening! In a moment, I will light this trail of matches, leading to a sheet of flypaper doused in lighter fluid! Aimed directly at the flypaper are Tuck and Roll, the pillbug cannonballs! The cannon will be triggered by Dim, trained to jump at the sound of this bell, set to go off in 15 seconds. Our pill bugs' only hope of survival is our mistress of the high wire, Rosie! Secured to a web line of exact length, Rosie will plummet down to these two posts, spinning a web of safety in less than 15 SECONDS!!! Not good enough, you say? Well, what if they were all BLINDFOLDED?! [The cast puts on blindfolds. The flies hurry back to their seats.] Ladies and Gentlemen, may I suggest that those of you with weak constitutions leave the arena, for this act is so dangerous that if the slightest thing should go wrong...
P.T. Flea [Roll tightens Tuck's blindfold too tight, and they both slap each other, launching Tuck into P.T. He drops the lit match and triggers the line of Matches]
No!
Go?! Whoa! Okay, through the tunnel...
Whoa!
[Gypsy falls onto the timer, causing it to ding and signalling Dim to jump. Dim laughs]
Okay, that's done!
P.T. Flea [P.T. flies through a hole left in Rosie's web and sticks to the flypaper]
Whoa!
Aaah!
P.T.!
Oh, no!
Oh, dear.
[The flame continues approaching. P.T. Flea attempts to pull himself off. P.T. Flea panics and grunts]
Water! We need some water!
Water, water, water, water!
P.T. Flea [The other flies laughing] [panicking]
Help! [grunting] Get me out of here.
Fly Brother #1
[P.T. successfully pulls himself off the flypaper and walks off laughing triumphantly until the flypaper falls on top of him and is ignited by the flame]
Wow!
[The flypaper burns away, leaving behind a charred P.T.standing midstep]
It's the-the web. I'm sorry, it's--
P.T. Flea You're all fired.
We got the water!
Here we come, P.T.!
We'll save you.
Fly Brother #1
[Francis, Slim and Heimlich toss water onto P.T. Flea, who floats within it] [clapping]
Whoo! Whoa!
Fly Brother #2
Burn him again!
You mean, you're not warriors?
P.T. Flea Are you kiddin'? These guys are the lousiest circus bugs you've ever seen, and they're gonna make me rich!
You mean to tell me that our entire defensive strategy was concocted by clowns?!
Hey, hey, hey, hey. We really thought Flik's idea was gonna work.
[All ants gasp and angrily turn to Flik, while the fireflies put a spotlight on him] [realizes his mistake]
Oops.
No, you don't... You don't...
This couldn't have happened at a more inopportune time! The last leaf is about to fall!
We haven't collected any food for the grasshoppers!
If Hopper finds out what we almost did--
[angrily]
Hopper is NOT going to find out. We're going to hide all this and pretend it never happened. [angrily points to the Circus Bugs] You bugs were never here, so I suggest you all leave.
I never thought I'd see the day when an ant would put himself before the rest of his colony.
The point is, Flik, you lied to us.
No, no, no, no! I just--
[walks to Flik, hurt with disappointment]
You lied, Flik. You lied to her. You lied to the colony! You lied to ME! And like an idiot, I believed you.
But I was just afraid that if you knew I'd gotten circus bugs. [looks at Princess Atta, still mad, sighs sadly] I just wanted to make a difference.
I want you to leave Flik, and this time, don't come back.
P.T. Flea [Flik sadly hangs his head in sadness; Dot gasps and Aphie whimpers. Flik & the Circus Bugs then sadly leave]
Tough crowd. [Snaps the reins and the wagon rolls off] Yee-haw!
[sadly tries to run after her friend and the bugs. But the mother stops her and holds her back as Flik and the bugs leave]
Flik.
P.T. Flea [singing]
I'm gonna be rich, rich, rich, I'm gonna be rich, rich, rich, I'm gonna be the richest flea in the land! Ka-Ching! The Streets'll be paved with golden retrievers, I'm rich, rich, rich, that's who I am!
Hey, maybe we can cheer him up a bit.
Don't worry, Flik. The circus life isn't so bad.
Yes, you can be part of our act.
Here! Like this.
Slapstick! Get it? I... I'm a walking stick. Oh, never mind.
Flik, wait! Wait!
Dot, you're flying! What are you doing here?
Oh, no!
Good heavens!
And I heard a grasshopper say that when they're finished, Hopper's gonna squish my mom!
Oh, not the queen!
We got to do something!
How?
Come on, you guys, think!
I know. The bird.
Yes, of course.
The bird! That's brilliant.
Ja!
What are you talking about? It was your idea.
But you said that everything...
[depressed]
Forget everything I ever told you All right Dot? Let's face it. The colony is right; I just make things worse. That bird is a guaranteed failure. [sighs] Just like me.
You listen to me, my boy, I've made a living out of being a failure, and you, sir, are not a failure!
Oh, but Flik, you've done so many good things.
Oh yeah, okay, show me one thing I've done right?
Us.
All
Yeah, yeah.
Dim is right, my boy. You have rekindled the long-dormant embers of purpose in our lives.
And if it wasn't for you, Francis would have never gotten in touch with his feminine side.
Oh, yeah?! Well... [chuckles] You know what? He's right.
Lieutenant Gypsy reporting for duty.
Kid, say the word, and we'll follow you into battle.
We believe in you, my boy.
Flik, please?
[Flik doesn't move as Dot flies off and picks up a rock from the ground and brings it to her best friend]
Pretend it's a seed, okay?
Must be an ant thing.
All right, let's do it.
That's the Flik we know and love.
Ooh-whoo-whoo!
We're on!
So, what do we do first?
[Yelled To The Ant Colony Like A Slave Driver]
ALL RIGHT, GET MOVING! [Pushing All The Ants Into Line] Get Going, Move Your Abdomens Now!
[Watched The Ants Gather The Food]
Oh No, They've Finished Collecting The Food. We've Got To Get The Queen Now. Once She's Safe, We Move On Gypsy's Signal.
[Last lines; The next morning, in a conch sounds. Thorny and other ants, using their own harvesters to cut down and harvest grain stalks, stop work at the sound of the conch]
Come on boys!
Ant Boy
[Dot and other children are playing in the frame of the fake bird, now surrounded by flowers]
Hey, Princess Dot! Wait up!
I finally get a second to relax, and I got to get out of my chair. Come on! You can rub lotion on me later, shade boy.
Yeah, hubba-hubba.
Firefly
[The Queen and Cornelius walk down toward the ants and circus bugs joyfully gathering among blooming flowers]
Oh, thank you!
Thank you.
You're too kind.
The least we could do.
All in a day's work.
Any time.
Dim!
[Daisy tearfully hugs Francis. Daisy and the Blueberry troops are all crying with Dot] [quavering]
I'm not gonna cry. I'm not gonna cry.
P.T. Flea [Tuck and Roll perform a skit using Hopper's severed antenna.]
Hey, let's go. We got a schedule to keep. Come on. Let's go.
Ant acrobats
[A number of acrobat ants cartwheel into the wagon]
Hup, hup, hup, hup, hey!
P.T. Flea Hey, Tiny! Let's get this show packed up! We got paying customers hatching!
[Molt carries supplies into the wagon] [last words]
Yes, Mr. Flea. Yes, sir. Of course, sir. Right away, sir. And, um, I just wanted to thank you for giving me a chance, because it's an honor to work with creative giants such as yourself. [P.T. motions the fireflies to close the wagon door] Shutting up.
P.T. Flea [P.T. jumps on top of the wagon]
You sure you can't come on tour with us?
Sorry. My place is here.
P.T. Flea Oh, well. Your loss. One minute, insects!
[Flik and Atta walk over to the circus troupe]
I want to thank all of you for giving us back our hope, our dignity... and our lives.
And to you, Princess Atta. You have given us so much. Please accept this gift from us bugs to you ants.
Oh! [chuckles] It's a rock.
Must be a circus thing.
Well, Flik, you really goofed up. [quavering] Thanks.
P.T. Flea [Rosie begins to congratulate Flik as a hero, followed by the rest of the troupe and the entire ant colony celebrating their victory. Atta kisses him on the cheek. The queen removes her crown, placing it on Atta's. Atta tosses her tiara to Dot, who flies up and catches it on her head and giggles] [sniffles]
All right. Now it's getting mushy. We're out of here! [Snaps the reins and the millipedes pulling the wagon move as the bugs take off and Dim grabs lifts the wagon into the air]
Whoa!
See you next season!
See you Flik!
Bye! We miss you already!
You fired!
[A chrysalis hangs on a nearby tree root. It opens to reveal Heimlich's face]
I'm finished! Finally, I'm a beautiful butterfly!
[Heimlich struggles and slides out of the chrysalis, looking largely the same as before but now a green and blue color and with two bulges on his back. Heimlich grunts. Two tiny butterfly wings pop out of the bulges]
Mein wings! Oh, they're beautiful!
Heimlich! The wagon's taking off! You better start flying!
[Flik and other ants lift up Heimlich]
But I am flying! And from way up here, you all look like little ants!
Farewell!
Bye!
And thank you!
[Atta and Dot lift Flik and land on the root. They wave goodbye to the circus troupe. Thorny and the harvester-wearing ants line up.]
Present stalks!
[The ants face backwards]
Harvester, salute!
[The harvesters launch their stalks into the air, crashing into each other and producing firework-like showers of grain. Flik and Atta hold hands as they and Dot continue waving goodbye. The circus troupe flies away from the island, now surrounded by water and whose tree now bears pink blossoms]
Randy Newman
Was a bug, little bug, hardly there / How he felt, what he dreamed, who could care? / Without any evidence / His flaws were many / He was full of confidence / Some people haven't any / Didn't have much common sense / It's highly overrated / He just knew that he'd come through...| It's the time of your life so live it well / It's the time of your life so live it well...| We may only go 'round one time / As far as I can tell / It's the time of your life so live it well...| We may only go 'round this one time / As far as I can tell / He could be wrong about that / It's the time of your life / It's the time of your life / It's the time of your life so live it well.
Man #1
[beeps]
Speed!
Man #2
Marker.
Director
And action!
Are you saying I'm stupid?
No.
Do I look... stupid... to you?
I'm sorry! I got it. No, no. Just do it again. I'm fine.
Yes! [laughs]
This is the 15th take, I cannot work like this. I will be in my trailer.
I need a break.
Man #2
[beeps]
Marker.
Whoa, Flik, honey, we are not about to... [hammer banging] Is someone hammering? [Slim sighs] Could we hold the work, please? People?
Director
[beeps]
And action!
To infinity and beyond! [laughs] I'm sorry. I couldn't resist. Really, can y... can you blame me? Okay. Okay, let's go for real now.
Director
Okay, cut!
Sorry.
WHAT?!? [stand up and walks to Molt threateningly]
[scared]
You're right! I didn't think it was such a good idea myself. Actually, it wasn't even my idea. It was...
Cameraman
Watch it!
[crashing]
I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Is the camera broke? Oh, oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Did I ruin the take?
Me? Oh, oops, ow, ow.
Ow, ow, ow!
Uh, oh, oh no. Oh no, oh...
This really hurts, guys.
I'm sorry, I'm... Oh!
Can we cut? Ow!
[beeps]
So, is there a Mrs. Ant, you have to tunnel home to? Oh, I'm sorry! I thought he was real. [laughs] Ooh, dear. Put that thing in my car.
Man #2
[beeps]
Marker.
Flik, after much deliberation... Whoa! [rattling, banging, Flik and other ants laughing]
[beeps]
Ohh, I... Ow. Oh. My eye! Oh. No, no. Seriously, I've got berry juice in my eye! [Hopper laughs] It stings! Stop acting. I'm serious. Oh, stop the camera!
[beeps; laughing; gurgling; liquid trickling]
Uh-oh. Towel! I need a towel over here! [Flik laughs]
Director
Cut!
Thumper
[beeps; roars]
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. [Dot groans] Can we... Can we cut? It's just that I don't think I'm coming across. Hmm. Oh, oh, I know. I know. I could lather up a bunch of spit. Ooh, ooh, that's good. I got it, J.L. Alright! One more for me.
Man #1
[beeps]
Speed!
Man #2
Marker!
Director
Action!
P.T. Flea Spinning a web of safety in less than 15... Bleh!
Randy Newman
It's the time of your life so live it well / It's the time of your life so live it well...| We may only go 'round one time / As far as I can tell / It's the time of your life so live it well...| Like us all, he started small / Then he grew / When the time came he knew what to do / He knew in order to succeed / They'd have to work together / He turned a rock into a seed / And they were changed forever / Then they had the strength they'd need / To get through stormy weather / Do or die, you gotta try...| It's the time of your life so live it well / It's the time of your life so live it well...| We may only go 'round one time / As far as I can tell / He could be wrong about that / It's the time of your life so live it well...| Isn't it a bit surprising / How one's fortunes ebb and flow / And only to the enterprising / Does the magic fortune cookie go / Believe me...| It's the time of your life so live it well / It's the time of your life so live it well...| We may only go 'round one time / As far as I can tell / It's the time of your life / It's the time of your life / It's the time of your life so live it well... [chorus singing]
Other characters in A Bug's Life
Flik
Dave Foley
Francis
Denis Leary
Gypsy
Madeline Kahn
Hopper
Kevin Spacey
Princess Atta
Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Mr. Soil
Roddy McDowall
Queen
Phyllis Diller
Dot
Hayden Panettiere
Heimlich
Joe Ranft
Slim
David Hyde Pierce
Manny
Jonathan Harris
Molt
Richard Kind
Rosie
Bonnie Hunt
Dr. Flora
Edie McClurg
Thorny
Alex Rocco
Cornelius
David Ossman
Dim
Brad Garrett
Grub
Reed
Tuck and Roll
Michael McShane
