Coach?
Pete Bell
Yeah.
Uh, I gotta ask this question or I wouldn't be doing my job. Would you care to comment on the rumor that you arranged for an automobile to be purchased for Neon Bodeaux?
Pete Bell
Y'know, uh, y'know, Ed, you gotta get your mind outta the gutter. You know, you, you just gotta start thinking straight! I mean, it's right there in front of you! For crissake, it wasn't an automobile, I mean, it was a fully loaded Lexus! [nervous laughter from the press] The damn car had everything. It had everything, didn't it Happy? It was fully loaded, wasn't it?
Happy
No, no, Coach, it was a nuclear surfboard, remember?
Pete Bell
Y'know, and the damn thing of it is, Ed, is that, you know Neon, he didn't want it. He didn't want the car, he didn't want it. He didn't ask for anything. But, y'know, he wasn't for sale. But we, we got it for him anyway. I mean, and I think, personally, that it would've been a helluva deal, a good price. I mean, uh, I mean, what did Neon do tonight, does anybody know? How many boards did Neon have tonight?
Thirteen.
Pete Bell
Thirteen? Thirteen boards? Well, there you are. It would have been a helluva deal. Can you imagine? Can you imagine what Neon would've done if we'd have tried to give him a Ferrari? [more nervous laughing from the crowd] I mean, for crissake! He might have scored forty or fifty points! I mean, who knows? Who knows what he would have done for a Ferrari? Naw, y'know Neon, he, he didn't take anything. He didn't want anything. Some of the others did, didn't they Happy?
Pete Bell
What, wasn't there some of the other kids, what'd we give 'em? What? Cars? Tractors? Gave a kid a tractor? Another kid we gave a house. Didn't we give him a house? You know, bags of cash, I don't know what we gave these kids...You know, they asked for things, we gave it to 'em. I mean, you guys asked me to win, and I gave that to you! Right? And the Alumni are all jerking off over this win, which is the only time the Alumni ever jerk off, right? It's when we win. 'Cause this ain't about education! It ain't much about winning, and it sure as hell ain't much about basketball! It's about money! Just goddamned money! That's what it's about, Ed. And I bought into it. I bought into it big time. I'm a big part of the problem.
Happy
Stick a fork in this creep because he's done! He's dead meat! You're finished! You will never coach in America again, you got that? Why don't you try Bulgaria? I hear they're looking for wimps like you! [security guards and Happy's buddies start moving him toward the exit] Whiners! No, goddamn it! Get your hands off me! I can walk! Loser! You lost 3 years in a row! I gave you everything you wanted, you creep! Let go of me, goddamn it! [Happy gets hustled out the door]
Pete Bell
There goes Happy, heading for the cash machine! Oh yeah, he's gonna get himself another linebacker! That guy's got the best players money can buy! The best players money can buy!
