BASEketball quotes

View Quote Robert Stack: The police have pieced together numerous theories on Coop's whereabouts.
Doug Remer: I have no ****ing clue where the hell he is. For all I care he could be hanging by his neck in his ****ing closet!
Robert Stack: Scenario One: He's hanging by his neck in his ****ing closet.
Jenna Reed: You want to know where Coop is? Just look for where the most heinous, vile, horrible exploitation of children takes place.
Robert Stack: Scenario Two: Coop is at Disney Land.

View Quote Joe Cooper: Hey pig****er, can I call you pig****er?
Doug Remer: No, only my friends can call me pig****er.

View Quote [in Cartman's voice]
Hey, you guys, seriously, I'm ****in' fat. Seriously, you guys, I'm ****in' fat as ****.
[with Australian accent] How to speak San Franciscan?

View Quote Joe Cooper: [Squeak is trying to shut off their gas] Shoot for it.
Kenny Scolari: Shoot for it? What are you, insane? This is my job, you assholes!
Joe Cooper: Right, so just shoot for it. And if you get it in, you can shut off our gas and we'll never call you "Squeak" again.
Kenny Scolari: Or bitch.
Doug Remer & Joe Cooper: [Coop and Reemer exchange looks] Or bitch.
Kenny Scolari: [Squeak lines up, ready to shoot] All right. Check this shit out.
Joe Cooper: Steve Perry.
Kenny Scolari: Huh?
[shoots and misses, ball bounces off roof and hits dog]
Doug Remer: Tough break, Squeak.
Joe Cooper: Yeah, now you gotta fetch the ball, bitch.
[agitated dog growls, and rocks gate vigorously]

View Quote Go back to your fancy cars, and your big bank accounts, and your celebrity friends, and your beautiful women, and Victoria Silvestedt, Playmate of the Year... ****!

View Quote [He pulls Squeak's shorts down, revealing his bottom]
Vagina!
If I had a nickel for every time that ball saved me, I'd have a shitload of nickels!

View Quote Joe Cooper: I'm not gonna do it, dude, end of story!
Doug Remer: Dude!
Joe Cooper: Dude!
Doug Remer: Dude!
Joe Cooper: Dude!
Doug Remer: Dude!
[Coop looks shocked]
Doug Remer: Dude.
Joe Cooper: I guess you have a point.

View Quote Joe Cooper: Who's this guy?
Doug Remer: He's my entertainment lawyer. He's helping me with my movie contract.
Joe Cooper: Now you're such a big shot you're gonna act in a Hollywood movie? ****ing sellout.

View Quote Listen to me little bitch! You either go out there and make that shot or I'm gonna shove your head so far up your ****in' ass, you'll have to wear yourself as a hat!

View Quote I hear your mom's going out with......SQUEAK

View Quote Referee 1: What's the matter with Coop?
Referee 2: I don't know, but he's 1 for 11 and he smells like Christian Slater!

View Quote Yeah. I made it myself, you know. If I had a nickel for every time this ball pulled me out of a tight spot, I'd have a shitload of nickels.

View Quote Kenny Scolari: I am not going out with his sister!
Joe Cooper: Dude, that's the defense, ya gotta psych them out.
Doug Remer: Yeah, ya gotta say totally ****ed up shit to psych them out.
Kenny Scolari: Oh... Hey wait a minute, why is me going out with his sister totally ****ed up?

View Quote Joe Cooper: With that new liver he'll be peeing like a champ in no time!
Jenna Reed: That's kidneys, Coop.

View Quote Surgeon: Has there been a rise in his fluid intake? SWEET JESUS! His sodium levels are through the roof!
Surgery Nurse: I don't get it. He's eight years old and he smells like Robert Downey Jr.